UPJOKE

200 Dollar Jokes

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My girlfriend got a bill for 200 dollars at the gynecologist...

She said I should pay my share since I use her vagina too, so I wrote her a check for 100 dollars and she said I only owed her 20 dollars. She's such a sweet heart!

A plumber fixes a damaged pipe in a doctor's house and asks for 200 dollars. Doctor says to him: "Even i, don't make so much money in such a short period and i'm a doctor".

And the plumber goes: "I know sir. I used to be a doctor myself"

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There's this Pimp and he's got 3 hos

This joke doesn't work when written, because there's elements of physical comedy involved. My intent is to teach you the joke and hope you use it well. Without further ado, here's the joke

There's this pimp and he's got 3 hos. He says to the first ho "Where's the 100 dollars you owe me" Sh...

My sister bet me 200 dollars I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti...

You should've seen the look on her face as I drove pasta!

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The old Mailman

A 65-year old mailman decided it was time to retire. When the small
commmunity he worked for found out, they decided they should do
something nice for him, since he'd served them for the past 45
years.

So, the last day on the job, the mailman went up to the first house,
and the ho...

A lady decided to treat herself to a nice night at a fancy hotel

She comes into a beautiful and lavish room, and spends a relaxing evening in there. The next morning, she goes to the lobby to pay.

“700 dollars?! That’s ridiculous, no way this place is worth that much!” she exclaimed.

The desk clerk, in a tired voice, explained. “This is a top of the...

It only makes cents

Perfumer: I invested 200 dollars, but do you know how much I got back?

Person: How much?

Perfumer: Three scents.

Man was having a drink in the pub when the phone rang

he reached the pocket and answered, the wife asked him : "sweetheart, I'm going to the mall and I just took 1000 dollars from your desk, is that okay ?"

"absolutely", he answers, "treat yourself"

"thank you, but can I take 500 dollars more ?, my friend suggested me ...

A guy enters a bar carrying an alligator and loudly announces, “I’ll place my genitals inside this alligator’s mouth…

…the gator will close his mouth for one minute, then open it, and I’ll remove my unit unscathed,” he says.

Now, he has the full attention of the bar!

Here’s the deal, he continues, “If this works, everyone buys me drinks.” There is a murmur among the patrons, and after a moment, they a...

What's the difference between a chick pea and a lentil

I wouldn't pay 200 dollars to have a lentil on my face

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A man was sitting in the couch when his wife came in

The wife told him their son needs 200 dollars for school donation so he gave it to her.

Later that day his son hugged him and thanked him for the 50 he gave to school.

And few hours later the principal messaged him to thank him for the 10 dollars donation.

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A Man Walks into a Bar...

And says to the barman "I'll bet you 200 dollars I can piss into that bottle without spilling a drop". The barman knows it's impossible so he agrees. The man attempts it and pisses all over the bar and completely fails.
The barman says " I'll have that 200 dollars now", to which the man says "Sur...

A man and his wife attends an air show

The man sees a small aeroplane with an open roof and beautiful aesthetics. On a sign beside the plane wrote "100 dollars for a flight per person"
The man asked his wife "can we take a flight? It is my dream to take a flight in this beautiful plane."
His wife said "No, 200 dollars is too much ...

John's engine kept rattling and making loud noises whenever he drove.

He sent it to the mechanic. The mechanic took a quick look at the engine and marked an "X" on the chassis with a chalk. He then gave it a swift kick and the noise stopped immediately. He then handed John a bill for 200 dollars.

John felt the bill was too hefty for such a quick job like that s...

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Two little girls play in a park with their dolls.

Two little girls play in a park with their dolls. One of the two little girls says to her friend: "Where did you buy your doll?"
The friend replies: "At Walmart, mom got it for 200 dollars; and you?"
The first responds: "Mum got it for 300 dollars at Target".
They then see a lady pass by wi...

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A trick joke to bitch slap somebody [long joke]

For a friend you want to bitch slap or anybody for this matter. Front hand or backhand, it's your preference. You tell them if they want to hear a joke or if they have yet to hear it, the joke about a pimp and his THREE hoes. So it goes like this:

So their was a pimp walking down a block that...

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Old Mary and Frank have been having some matrimonial issues...

No matter how hard he tries, Frank just can't bring Mary to orgasm anymore.

They decide to visit the doctor for help, because they love each other, in all the ways, and this lack of intimacy is bringing them both down emotionally.

Thankfully the doctor has the answer. He advises Fran...

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A woman was in the middle of the affair, when her husband came home early

The lover was immediately sent to the closet. Little did the lover know, the child of the wife was there the entire time.

- It is really dark in here. - said the child.

- Yes, indeed. - answered the lover quitely after realising the situation.

- Do you like baseball? - asked th...

A cop pulls over a car...

Officer: Good evening, our squad decided to reward the best driver we saw all day, so congratulations you just earned 200 dollars. What will you do with the money?

Driver: Get my drivers license.

Officer: Wait, what?

Wife: He's only driving well because he's drunk.

Office...

A blond and a brunette was watching the news

Showing was a man standing on top of a tall building yelling that he's gona jump.

The brunette looks at the blond and says "I bet you 200 dollars that guy is gona jump"

The blond thinks for a few seconds and takes the bet.

A few seconds later the man jumps off the building and ...

A woman goes into vet because of her bird

A woman goes into vet because of her bird, after about an hour the doctor comes out and the conversation begins.

Doctor: “I’m sorry but your bird is dead”

Owner: “Is there anything you can do?”

Doctor: “Well we can try but I cannot promise anything.”

The doctor brings in...

A Rabbi Joke

"Rabbi Schomburg, I need 200 dollars badly for a down payment", said Cohen. "I keep praying to God for help but he doesn't send any!" "The important thing is not to lose faith", the rabbi said. "Just keep praying." After Cohen left, the rabbi felt sorry for him. He decided to give him 100 dollars ou...

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A couple are down on their luck and are in desperate need for some money.

A couple are down on their luck and are in desperate need for some money. After a long discussion, the couple both decide that the wife should go into prostitution. So the next night husband drops his wife at a street corner and drives off. Just before sunrise the husband drives back to pick up his ...

What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?

I've never paid 200 dollars to have a garbanzo bean on my chest.

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[Long] An old gambler sits down at a bar and orders a drink. After a few drinks the gambler calls the bartender over and says "I'll bet you $100 dollars I can wrap my knee around my neck.

"The bartender thinks to himself that's impossible there's no way that old man is that limber so he says "I'll take that bet" and pulls a $100 dollars from the drawer. The old gambler removes his prosthetic leg and wraps it around his neck grabs the hundred dollars and buys another round.

Af...

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A boy is playing in a closet when his mother and her lover come in the room

A boy is playing in a closet when his mother and her lover come into the room. They start making love, with the boy still unnoticed in the closet. Suddenly the door is heard from downstairs.

"Shit, it's my husband, quickly, hide in the closet!" the mother commands her lover.

While in t...

Birthday present

An alcoholic looked at his calendar and noticed it was almost his sons 18th birthday. Being a drunk, he did not see his son very often, but felt he had to give something to his son for this momentous occasion. Having blown all his money on booze, he had an idea...

Two days later his son got a...

So a man lives in the outback.

This man had a dream of moving to America to make more money, but because he lives in the wilderness so his parents never thought it was important so they told him when he was born.By this time they died, so he never knew. So, because he's an honest man, he collects his life savings of $200 dollars ...

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