UPJOKE

2 Words Jokes

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The world’s shortest tongue twister (which is kind of a joke right?) - the minimum 2 words long

Irish Wristwatch

Just pissed a lot of people off at work with this one

Always remember these 2 words in your life which will open many doors to you.

Push and pull.

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My Grocery Store Experience

5-7min read. Based on a true story.

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I was at the grocery store yesterday picking up some ingredients to make breakfast for the week. I already had a few essentials picked out like Milk, Eggs, & Bacon. Yes, Bacon is an essential. I moved to the cereal aisle but got stuck decidin...

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Nun Joke

A young women decides to become a nun and join a very strict convent. The nuns have to take a vow of silence, but they are allowed to speak 2 words every 10 years.

Ten years goes by and the woman is brought before Mother Superior and allowed her first two words. She says "Work hard!"

...

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A man joins a monastery and takes a vow.

A man goes to a monastery and asks to join. The Abbot agrees to accept him under one condition. "You must take a vow of silence, and you are only allowed to speak 2 words every 5 years upon reaching your anniversary of taking that vow".

The man agrees, and in due course he takes his vows. 5 ...

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Best Friends (NSFW-language)

My wife and I have been married a long time. And like many long-term marriages, ours had lost its spark. But lately things had gotten really bad. I don't know what started it - a minor insult, a careless remark, years of buried frustrations, the general malaise that creeps into a marriage when prior...

I don't run with scissors.

The last 2 words in that sentence were unnecessary.

2 people are talking after something stressful happens...

Guy 1: "Describe how you are feeling in 1 word."

Guy 2: "Good."

Guy 1: "Describe how you are feeling in 2 words."

Guy 2: "Not good."

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Little Johnny

Little Johnny asked his Mom what 2 words mean that kids at school were using ........ Pussy and Bitch.

Mom inhaled sharply, but then said: "Oh, that's easy. A pussy is a cat, like our little Chico . A bitch is a female dog, like our Sandy ."

"Thanks, Mom."

He then found h...

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Doctor to his assistant Doc: Put a sign outside my clinic that reads Doctor Smith Therapist

A whole day has gone by without a patient entering


Doctor: Did you put the sign outside like i told you ?

Assistant: Yes,but is Therapist 2 words?

Vow of silence

A man moves to Tibet to escape life and decides to become a monk. The head monk welcomes him and tells him he’ll need to take a vow of silence if he wishes to be a monk. The head monk tells him that each year he will be allowed to speak 2 words.

The man agrees. His first year is rough. The ni...

A Chinese and a Nigerian official meet each other at a meeting.

They soon became good friends and exchanged their business cards.


"If you ever come to China, call me and we can hang out!" says the Chinese official.


"Really? Cool! Same to you. If you ever come to Nigeria, call me and we can hang out!" says the Nigerian official.

6 mon...

An Omegle conversation

Me: My dad died on this day in 2001, he called me to say 2 words before dying.
Stranger: Ohh, that's so sweet! What were his words?
Me: Allahu Akbar

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