What do you call a 3.14 inch long snake?

A π-thon

It may only look like 3.14 inches...

But it will feel like it goes in forever.

Happy Pi day!

What's about 14 inches long and makes a young mama scream all night long?

Crib Death

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A man goes to the doctor to discuss his stutter.

A man goes to the doctor to discuss his stutter.

The man says, “D.D.D.D.D. Doctor. I.I.I.I. I can’t stop st.st.st. stuttering. P.P.P.P.P. Please help.”

After a thorough exam, the doctor tells the man, “We’ve found that your penis is 14 inches long and weighs 3 pounds. The strain of t...

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A mortician comes home from work laughing. His wife is at the sink doing dishes. She asks him, "What's so funny?"

He tells her, "The guy on the slab this afternoon! Woo! You should have seen him! He must have had a cock 14 inches long, and thick as my forearm! I've never seen such... What's wrong honey?"

"Oh my God!" she sobs. "Fred's dead!?"

Snow plows

On a bitterly cold winter morning a husband and wife in Dublin were listening to the radio during breakfast. They heard the announcer say, "We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street, so the snow ploughs can get through." So the ...

Really Big Lighter

A man walks into a bar and sees a guy with a really big lighter. He asks the man, “Where did you get such a big lighter?”

The man replies, ”See the man playing piano over there? He’s a genie and he’ll grant you one wish.”

So the guy walks over to the genie and says, “I wish for a milli...

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A man walks into a bar...

And says to the bartender "Hey buddy, if I show you something truly **amazing**, will ya give me a free drink?"

The bartender looks around, and seeing how its an insanely slow day, and he's bored out of his wits cleaning glasses all day, says "Sure, why the hell not? But it has to be **amazin...

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Paddy was telling Mick about his first parachute jump

When I got to the door I couldn't do it, but the instructor, 6 ft 7 mountain man, unzipped his fly and whipped out 14 inches and said "If you don't jump this bad boy is going up your arse."

"Did you jump?" asked Mick.

"A bit ..." replied Paddy, " ... when it first went in."

Why shouldn't you sleep with a weatherman?

They'll promise 12 to 14 inches, but you'll only get 3 to 5.

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An alien spaceship lands in a married couple's backyard...

The couple goes out to greet them. After introductions and typical small talk, they discover that these aliens are galactic swingers, and they were looking to do a little swapping.

The couple decided that, since they were representing all of humanity, they would play along.

The wif...

Disappointment

a woman, after a long search on the internet, found out that "PHILLIPS 14 INCH" was actually a T.V

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