UPJOKE

12 Years Jokes

A fortune teller told me that, in 12 years time, I'd suffer terrible heartbreak.

So, to cheer myself up, I bought a puppy.

When my wife died I couldn’t shower alone for 12 years.

But I’m out of prison now!

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After 12 years of marriage…

is learning your spouse sucked 100 dicks a big deal, or is my wife overreacting?

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This will be my first Halloween as a single person in over 12 years.

I think I’ll dress up as Southwest Airlines and fuck a bunch of people.

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After 12 years of marriage my sex life was going through a bit of a rough patch

Then she got a wax

After 12 years of regular counselling sessions,

my psychiatrist said something that made me cry like a baby.

He said: “No hablo ingles.”

I was sober for 12 years...

And then i turned 13.

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So a husband and wife of 12 years goes golfing...

and the man shanks his shot on the 7th hole and it goes behind a barn.

"Damn, now I have to hit around" he said.

His wife says, "No, you can shoot it right through, see?" and she opens the barn door and sure enough there's a perfect line to the green.

He hit the shot, it hits th...

Jesus Christ, 12 years old, steps out of his home but neglects to close the door behind him.

Mary: Hold on, son! Were you born in a barn?

Today my son asked, "Can you lend me a book mark?"

I immediately burst into tears.

12 years old and he doesn't know my name is Brian

Lego box said 5-12 years

I got it done in 2 weeks

Hey my name is Nathan and i'm 12 years old:) I was wondering if there was a dating site for only 12 year olds and under...

I'm not asking for myself!! My uncle was wondering

My Father died when I was 12 years old.

My dad died when I was 12, and was diagnosed with cancer several years before, so for the longest time, I never had a father figure.

And for some reason, George Michael won’t return or answer my fan mail or letters. But, I’m sure he’ll get back to me when he can.

After 12 years in prison, a man finally breaks out.

When he gets home, filthy and exhausted, his wife says, “Where have you been? You escaped eight hours ago!

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I was blessed with a 10 inch penis when I was 12 years old...

...I really hope that creepy-ass priest is still in jail.

A prisoner managed to escape after 12 years in prison

When he got home his wife looked at him and said, **"Where the hell have you been? They said on the news you escaped 8 HOURS AGO!!"**

The guy ran back to the jail

Today, I'm happy to say I am 12 years sober!

Unfortunately it was only the first 12 years of my life and I've been drunk ever since.

A woman is walking through the park when she sees a very attractive man sitting on a park bench. He's reading a book and eating some fruit out of a Tupperware container. Slowly the woman gathers the courage to go ask the man out.

So, she walks over and takes a seat next to him on the bench, turns to him and says, "Sorry to bother you. I know this may be a little forward but I would love to grab coffee with you some time." Flattered, the man responds, "Sure... but what makes you so certain you and I would get along so well?" ...

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The young bride approached her awaiting husband on their wedding night and demanded $20 for their first love-making encounter...

The young bride approached her awaiting husband on their wedding night and demanded $20 for their first love-making encounter.

In his highly aroused state, he readily agreed.

This scenario was repeated each time they made love for the next 30 years, him thinking it was a cute way for...

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Book launch

Yesterday I launched a book aimed at 7 - 12 years Olds.

I can proudly say, I hit one of the little shits.

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A pregnant woman walks into a bank

A pregnant woman who is expecting triplets walks into a bank, while she is in there a robber walks in and shouts for everyone to get down on the ground, the woman is too slow so the man shoots her 3 times and runs away from the scene.

The woman survives, and the doctor told her that in 12 yea...

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