Seance Jokes

Brian, are you there? Make a sound if you can hear us. Is anyone with you? Can you hear us?

A young man gets hit by a bus and his distraught mother calls a mystic and they hold a seance.

The mystic tells the mother that it's very good she called so soon, because the spirits of the deceased only have a short time while they are awaiting their eternal destination to commune with the l... read more

To get to the other side.

I was a regular, she was a medium.

My mother always told me to strike a happy medium.

"I'm hearing something," he said. "Someone is giving me a signal."

"Who is it?" I asked.

"Your mother," the seance conductor said, looking at my girlfriend.

"It can't be!" said my girlfriend.

"No, quite right," laughed the seance conductor, "but you should've seen the exc... read more

On a Yes-Yes board.

The management put a stop to it, they said the spirits were disappearing.

He has ghosted her ever since.

Cause you'd need a medium

a squeegee board.

By a curious co-incidence, Kurt Cobain, contacted in a seance, said, "I felt like the Justin Bieber of my generation, so I killed myself."

Seance-fiction

That’s the last time I do a seance in a court house.

Do a little reconnai-seance

"What do you need a crystal ball and candles for?" I asked.

"I'm going to conduct a ritual to speak with the dead."

"Oh. Makes seance."

I don't know when it comes to ghosts and the afterlife, I like to think I'm open minded, maybe there something in it, maybe there isn't.

Actually I recently attended a seance. The psychic who ran it told us she was delighted with the way her business was going. Absolutely booked up solid. ... read more

Sound was a very social ghost so he showed up to several seances, but every time he couldn’t talk to the people who had summoned him because he was mute, but he tried desperately to communicate anyways. He would slam doors and knock over lamps and turn on and off random appliances. After all of that... read more