Martin Jokes

I met George R.R. Martin at a book signing a while back. It was very early in the morning and there weren’t that many people around, so I actually had the opportunity to chat with him a bit. I told him I’m a huge fan of his works, and that he’s always been an idol of mine, and that he inspired me to... read more

The judge looks down at her and asks, "First offender?"

The woman replies, "nope, first a Martin, then a Gibson, then a Fender."

Just like one of his characters.

(If this trash of a post hit the front page, the title could really mess with some GoT fans, I'm just saying)

They're the Tolkien white guys.









Edit: Swigity Swoo, I got a silver from you?

Edit: Golly Gee, a gold for me?

Edit: Boo hoo, a baby snoo too?

Edit: Cowabunga Grift, I got a coin gift!

Edit: Beagle pup, here comes a bless up!

I'll finish writing the rest of this joke soon.

He killed all 140 characters.

They both played a president on TV

Mar 10

Martin, luthier king.

In related news, …I have a stream today.

That’s Amorè!

"If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking" -George S. Patton

"When you tear out a man's tongue, you are not proving him a liar; you're only telling the world that you fear what he might say." -George R. R. Martin

Actually, he just heard the words "Washington D.C." and "King" and got excited.

Raytheon, General Dynamics, Northrop Grumman, Boeing and Lockheed Martin

Martin was depressed because he never got girls. But then Martin became a director. Now Martin scores easy.

On St. Paddy's Day, everyone pretends to be Irish.

That’s a moray.

They get a few shots

Must be a tough pill for him to swallow.

We called him Martin Loofah King.

It's old, works slow, has issues finishing jobs, and constantly disappoints me.

Cause he had a Dream.

Rage Against The Ms. Sheen

He was incredibly strict and his long list of 100 rules was infamous, but you couldn't argue with the results. People always reached their target weight within a month. But this required absolute obedience to the rules, and commitment to Martin Love's regime. To make sure people knew exactly what th... read more

He was known to NAIL them.

unless you're at a funeral

[Demetri martin]

He got vanquished

Both focus on uplifting the downtrodden masses!!

'Nice car' says the lad.

The Director looks at him coolly on the eye and says 'See this lad, if you work hard, do loads of unpaid hours and consistently exceed your punishing sales targets, well lad, this time next year ...... I can buy another one.'

I said, "Wow, that's an amazing car!"

He replied, "If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I'll get another one next year".

They were cheaper by the dozen.

He pulls up into the drive of their house, eagerly awaiting his wife's response.

Instead, she looks angry and horrified. She storm up to his window and says "You ALWAYS leech off of MY money!"

"W-What?"

"LOOK AT YOU! I don't know HOW you earned this car!"

"Why?"

"Y... read more

Paul: Any ideas on how to end Hey Jude?

John: Nah

George: Nah

Ringo: Nah

George Martin: Nah

Paul: Perfect!

Will you be my Martin Luther Queen?

Nobody ever wants to hear stories about my weird dreams

He's met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. He says "God has been waiting for you to die. He is going to produce the greatest production in history and wants you to direct. He's signed Shakespeare to write the screenplay. Michelangelo is the art director. Beethoven is writing the music."
... read more

That's a moray.

I clearly have the car owner virus.

There's a limit to how many characters you are allowed to waste.

I have a dream!

It was on a strict diet of worms.

"You stutter?"
"No, my father did and the registrar was an idiot."

Zimmerman can dodge a bullet.

Upon stumbling into camp and drinking hastily from the well, the sheik of the oasis steps out of the largest tent and orders his guards to arrest him. The sheik explains that Martin has drunk from the precious little water left to the oasis and can either fight to the death with the sheik or dig and... read more

He was against separating the whites from the coloreds.

Bagheera would have died saving Mowgli from the snake, Kaa. Mowgli would have fallen while fetching honey for Baloo and become paralyzed. Kaa would have been beheaded by a bitter rival from House Anaconda. Raksha, sending her cubs to seek refuge in the jungle, dies at the hands (paws) of Shere Khan.... read more

Everyone you've ever loved dies.

His vision was based on movements.

George R.R. Martin and Patrick Rothfuss have joined it in solidarity with their fellow TV writers.

they raised it 5000%