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Seaweed Jokes

My math teacher grew seaweed on his wife's undergarments.

He really was fond of algae-bra.

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An Englishman, an American and a Japanese guy are on a boat, moments away from plunging over a waterfall to their doom...

Suddenly a genie appears. The genie explains that he is of limited power. He cannot prevent their inevitable deaths, but he can grant each man one wish before he dies.

The American steps up first. 'I love my country. Before I die I want to sing my national anthem one last time. The full versi...

How can you tell when seaweed is in trouble?

It yells "kelp!"

What did the seaweed say whilst drowning?

Keeeelp!

I’m addicted to seaweed.

I must seek kelp.

I'm on the Seaweed diet

I see weed and I smoke it.

I saw a rainbow flag covered in seaweed.

AlgaeBTQ

If you smoke seaweed on the beach...

...do you experience high tide?

I have this weird compulsion to stare at seaweed

I desperately need to see kelp

What did the fish say to the seaweed?

May I kelp you?

This is a bad seaweed joke.

Sorry, I just couldn't kelp myself.

Dad joke

What kind of drugs do fish do?




Seaweed

Poor seaweed

Wanted to read, but nori, no write.

My stoner friend is on the 'seaweed' diet...

He sees weed, then smokes it in the parking lot at Red Lobster

With what did the scuba-diver use to cut seaweed?

A sea-saw

A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach.

A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach for the first time.


The biologist is amazed at the birds, the seaweed, the fish. He goes into the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is over his head. He drowns.


The physicist is mesmerized by the waves. T...

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Japan has been hit by another tsunami. Tokyo is now covered in fish and seaweed

One newspaper described the situation as delicious.

What do you call it when you do papercrafts with seaweed?

Norigami.

What kind of cannabis does a mermaid smoke?

Seaweed!

Why did the beach fail a drug test?

Because of the seaweed

Why does some sushi have the rice on the inside of the seaweed wrap?

That's just how it rolls.

How did the fish get high?

He’s got a connection for really good seaweed.

Why did the fish get kicked out of its school?

Because it was caught with seaweed.

BA DUM TSH

What does the drug addicted, sea faring geologist do?

Smoke seaweed, does crystal math and sails on the *high* seas.

What’s a mermaid’s favorite drug?

Seaweed

What type of marijuana do fish smoke?

Seaweed.......,

I'll sea myself out

An idea for a TV series

It's all about a young Irishman who makes his living collecting seaweed and herbs along the shores of Galway Bay, and his adventures as he travels to all the local town markets to sell them.

Working title: "Duffy the Samphire Purveyor"

Poseidon, Zeus, and Hades sit down for a drink.

They know that, because of those pesky humans, it will be their last meeting in a long time. Zeus is attempting to combat climate change, Poseidon is dealing with rampant pollution and rising sea levels, and Hades needs to update his infrastructure to deal with the massive influx of souls after WW3....

"I've found that I'd scream the exact same way If a piece of seaweed touches my leg or if a shark were trying to bite me."

- Kevin James

A man was shipwrecked on a remote island. Although he had plenty of food and water, there was nothing for him to do except play with himself.

After many years, even that became so monotonous that he couldn't even get an erection. Now, completely without any happiness, his sanity began to slip away.

One morning, as he is lying on the beach, he thinks he sees a ship in the distance. He quickly starts a fire, then throws wet seaweed o...

What's a blind pothead's favorite herb?

Seaweed

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There was an Englishman, a Frenchmen and a Japanese man sitting at a bar.

They were all in good spirits, complimenting each others countries and their achievements. But they also pointed out the strange customs too.

It was the Englishman and the Frenchman who spoke first about Japan. They said, "Japan is such a fine country which has provided the world with so ma...

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A ship goes down at sea

Two survivors wash up on the shore of an island--a man and a Chihuahua.
The only other inhabitants of the island are harmless native sheep that roam and feed aimlessly on the lush grass. Conditions are primitive, but the man and Chihuahua coexist peacefully for several years.
The man event...

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I entered a gameshow to win a million dollars...

The gameshow required guessing the unknown using your five senses.

In round one, I stuck my hand into a covered box and guess what was inside by feel. Without hesitation I knew it was seaweed and tinfoil. I would know that feeling anywhere.

In round two, we were paired and had to guess...

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Fish jokes

One fish says to the other, “You drink like a fish.”
The other fish responds, “So do you.”

What did the sardine call the submarine?
A can of people.

What is the best way to communicate with a fish?
Drop it a line.

What fish is best to have in a boat?
A Sailfish.
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