UPJOKE

Your Opinion Jokes

What's the difference between pizza and your opinion

I asked for the pizza

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I don’t care for your opinion on mushrooms.

It’s a shit take.

A wife asks her husband, "what's your opinion on vasectomies?"

He shrugs and says, "it's a mixed bag"



Edit - It has come to my attention that the title should say testicular torsion instead

As an immigration officer, I may not always agree with your opinions.

But…I can see where you are coming from.

How do you express your opinion in China?

\[redacted\]

ARTIST: I'd like your opinion on my painting.

CRITIC: It's worthless.


ARTIST: I know, but I'd like it anyway.

Why does Florida have so many Conservatives and California have so many earthquakes?

California had first choice!

**just a joke, I respect your right to your opinion and free expression **

Your opinion on the Harry Potter movie adaptations?

I thought that they were pretty good, and stayed faithful to the books. Although in my opinion, Nearly Headless Nick was a bit poorly executed.

daughter: Dad, what's your opinion on abortions?

Dad: Ask your sister

daughter: but I don't have a sister

Dad: exactly

"So what's your opinion on Roe vs. Wade?

"Well, I prefer to float"

The UN recently published the results of a poll. The topic was: "Please truthfully give your opinion on food shortage in the rest of the world."

Results:

Europeans requested explanation of the term "shortage".

Africans asked what "food" is.

Chinese inquired about the term "opinion".

Americans wondered what "rest of the world" might possibly mean.

And in Italy they are still discussing the meaning of the ter...

An 84 year old man to his doctor: My 24 year old wife is pregnant. Your opinion doctor?

An 84 year old man to his doctor: My 24 year old wife is pregnant. Your opinion doctor?

Doctor: Let me tell you a story:

There was once a man with an umbrella walking through a forested area. Suddenly a leopard jumped in front of him. Too scared to do anything, the man holds up his umb...

Your opinion is like..

..women's sport, its there but no one cares

What's your opinion on the mobius strip debate?

I find it a tad one-sided.

Friend: "What's your opinion on communism?"

Me: "I don't want to share"

I don't care about your opinion, left will always be cozy and warm and right will always be cold and bitter

That's how the sink works

A journalist asks a Russian, a Pole and an Israeli the same question: Excuse me, what's your opinion on the meat shortage?

The Russian replies: What's an opinion?

The Pole replies: What's meat?

The Israeli replies: What's excuse me?

A Brazilian friend told me this joke yesterday

The United Nations decided to conduct a world-wide survey. So they sent a letter to the representatives of each country with the following question: "Please, with all honesty, give your opinion on the scarcity of food in the rest of the world".


The survey was a huge failure. Why? None of ...

A woman asked me "What is your opinion on women making 75% of a man's wages for the same job?"

I said "Congratulations!!!"

If you spend enough time on Instagram or Reddit or reels…

… eventually you will see images of scantily clad older women and even some men, asking your opinion of them. This is not good, there comes a time when less is not better. UNLESS, you can profit from it. For example, in my case I found that walking around naked in my backyard has produced tall pri...

UN sent a survey to children from different country: " Regarding the problem of food shortage in other countries, what's your opinion?" Surprisingly no kids understand the question.

American kids: "what's “other countries”...?"
European kids: "what's “shortage”...?"
Africa kids: "what's “food”...?"
Chinese kids: "what's “my opinion”...?"

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Opinions are like assholes...

if you get paid to share your opinion with the masses, you probably have a pretty big opinion.

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I asked my wife...

"What's your opinion on the state of English football?"

"Its fucking shit," she replied, "absolute crap."

"More than likely," I said,

"but let's hear it anyway."

A worldwide survey has been carried out with the following question:

*"PLEASE, GIVE US YOUR OPINION ON THE LACK OF FOOD IN THE REST OF THE World"* No result was achieved, since the following problems were facedduring the survey's implementation:
1. In Western Europe no one knew what is "lack"
2. In Africa no one knew what is "food"
3. In Eastern Europe no on...

"Was it a trainee?"

\- Not the best question to ask if your wife wants your opinion on her new haircut.

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Guy goes for an interview.

Boss: so what is your biggest weakness.?

Guy: My honesty....

Boss: In my opinion that is not a weakness..

Guy: Who the fuck is asking for your opinion...

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At dinner yesterday evening, the dog was looking up at me trying to mooch for food.



She said, "You're really a great cook! I love the fresh foods you pick, and the seasoning is amazing!"

I glared down at her and said, "Nice try, but after you ate that deer poop in the yard this afternoon your opinions on food quality don't carry much weight around here."

What’s the difference between a left-wing extremist, and a right-wing extremist?

One wants to get rid of your opinion because it infringes on their rights, the other wants to get rid of your rights because it infringes on their opinion.

A Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean and a New Yorker ....

A Saudi, a Russian, a North Korean and a New Yorker are walking down the street.

A reporter comes up to them and says,
“Excuse me, what is your opinion about the meat shortage?”

The Saudi says, “excuse me , what is this word shortage?”

The Russian says, “excuse me, what’s me...

My wife's pregnant

90yr man: My 18yr wife is pregnant,your opinion doc?

Dr: Let me tell you a story. A hunter in a hurry, grabs an umbrela instead of the gun. He moves into the jungle, and sees a lion, lifts the umbrela, pulls the handle and BANG, The lion drops dead!

Old man: That's is impossible, sumon...

Reddit is a lot like being married...

You are free to express your opinion on anything you like but you will quickly be informed as to why you are wrong.

"Canada has the best prime minister."

"Okay, but that's just your opinion."

"It's Trudeau!"

An international conference was being held..

In which USA, North Korea, Europe and Africa were taking part.

The judge said,"I would like to hear your opinions about shortage of food in the rest of the world, if you have any questions, please feel free to ask us".

African president asked, "What is food?".

Europe asked, "Wha...

A reporter surveys the common people

"What's your opinion on the hike in fuel prices?"

"I didn't know there was a hike. I always get fuel for 50 bucks and no one has asked for more"

How to start a fight on Internet in two steps

1. Express your opinion.
2. Wait.

How to overcome overconfidence?

I don't need your opinion . Thanks.

Two doctors are sitting on a bench at a park

They see an old man approaching with something obviously wrong on his way of walking. They take a professional interest on him:

- Look, a clear case of hip replacement gone wrong

- No, my dear colleague, that is classical sciatic neuralgia

- I have to disagree with you: that dra...

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Such a Weird Religion!

In a feast, a Catholic priest was sat next to a Jewish man.

The priest, who wanted to make fun of the Jew, put some bacon on his dish and said:

\- Sir, would you like some of this bacon?

\- Thanks, but don't you know pork is not allowed in my religion?

\- Wheeeew, such a ...

The Foreigner

(Not my joke but I wanted your opinion on it.)

A foreigner new to America landed a job at a factory. His brother who had been here for a while taught him how to say apple pie and coffee so he could get lunch. After a couple of weeks, he wanted something different so his brother taught him to ...

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Social progress....

A wise old Indian Chief sat in his hut on the reservation, smoking a
Ceremonial Pipe and eying two Canadian Government officials sent to
interview him.


"Chief Two Eagles" asked one official, "You have observed the white man
for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his techn...

This one's not racist... It's nationalist. That makes it better, right?

Four guys are standing on a street corner. An American, a Russian, a Chinese man and an Israeli.


A reporter comes up and says "Excuse me... What's your opinion on the meat shortage?"


The American says: "What's a shortage?"

The Russian says "What's meat?"

The C...

An International School Teacher

...starts a lesson with her 4 students, who are an American kid, an African kid, a European kid and a Chinese kid. She asks "what's your opinion on food scarcity in other countries?"
first, the African kid asks "what's food?"
the European kid asks "what's scarcity?"
the American kid asks "w...

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Would you tell anyone?

Two gentlemen are sitting next to each other at a bar, enjoying some conversation and drinks. One man turns to the other, "So I have a theoretical situation I would like your opinion on."
"Sure, ask away"
First man says "Well I was thinking, what if you woke up one morning and you found yourse...

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Is this joke racist?

Dear redditors of reddit,
could you let me know in the comments if the following joke is racist/culturally insensitive?
It seems to be quite old and I like it, just would be grateful for your opinion, thanks.

According to recent reports the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of impr...

A man and his dog walk into a talent agents office.

"All right, lets make this quick i have things to do, whats your talent?" asks the agent.

The man says, "Its not me sir, its my dog -- he talks!"

"Yeah, right," says the agent. "I don't have time for this, now get out of here before I throw you out."

"No, wait," says the man. "I...

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