UPJOKE

You Know What They Say About Jokes

My wife said she would leave me if I don't stop comparing everything to Bruce Willis movies, but you know what they say about old habits...

They Pulp Fiction.

You know what they say about string theory?

"It's a theory about strings, but there's not enough evidence to tie the theory down."

You know what they say about people with an architecture fetish…

Build it and they will come

You know what they say about family - blood is thicker than water.

But maple syrup is thicker than blood, so technically pancakes are more important than family.

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You know what they say about driving a hearse..

It's quite the undertaking.

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You know what they say about having sex while camping?

It's fucking in tents.

You know what they say about picking up baby birds...

He who pick up tiny bird acquires small pecker

You know what they say about drinking too much tequila...

Can't remember.

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"You know what they say about blind prostitutes?"

..."You've really got to hand it to them." -Fred Willard

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You know what they say about bathrooms...

That's where shit goes down.

You know what they say about the French royal family?

It was a good idea on paper but they lost their heads in the execution.

You know what they say about opinions?

Take away the 3.14159265359 and you have onions

You know what they say about a guy with a big boat...

Big dock.

You know what they say about jokes with the wrong punchlines?

To get to the other side.

You know what they say about big feet, right?

Dad was a clown

You know what they say about women and politics?

Righty tighty, lefty loosey

You know what they say about German laxatives

They bring out the wurst in you

You know what they say about getting cheap circumcisions.

It'll be a rip-off.

You know what they say about German kids?

They're kinder over there

(yoinked from u/vatzhie04, it was too good to resist)

You know what they say about vasectomies...

There's a vas deferens between the good ones and the bad ones.

Thought of this yesterday, probobally done before but whatever

You know what they say about frostbite?

Once it goes black it never comes back!!!!

You know what they say about guys with big feet?

Also, do you know what they say about guys that drive huge trucks?

Now you know why people are terrified of clowns.

You know what they say about re-marrying

It's a wife changing experience

You know what they say about incest...

It doesn’t count if they yell “No Chromo”

You know what they say about having big hands and big feet?

Two out of three ain’t bad!

You know what they say about mathematics and religion..

Sin-ning can cos(t)

You know what they say about Pi Day...

It really is an irrational holiday.

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Do you know what they say about "friends with benefits"?

... they just cum and go.

You know what they say about New York Cheesecake?

If you can bake it there, you can bake it anywhere.

You know what they say about chatty women?

Nothing because they don't let us talk.

You know what they say about big chins?

Wow thats a bIg chin.

You know what they say about using networking cables for bondage.

It gets pretty kinky.

You know what they say about the song "The Lion Sleeps Tonight"

The urge to sing is just a whim away

You know what they say about going to a funeral

If you’re dyslexic it’s real fun.

Well you know what they say about history.

Those who don't learn from history:

Those who don't learn from history.

You know what they say about large indoor shopping centers...

Once you've been to one, you've been to the mall.

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You know what they say about Mexican and black people jokes.

once you heard Juan, you've heard jamal.

You know what they say about net neutrality...

I don't know. The webpage hasn't loaded for me either.

You know what they say about herbal medicine...

Thyme heals all wounds.

You know what they say about non sequiturs...

I LOVE pineapple upside down cake!

(I just made this up today, and I'm so proud. I told my coworkers, but they told me to stop doing drugs.)

You know what they say about men who wear dress shoes...

They have no soles.

You know what they say about prison...

You go in a tight end and come out a wide receiver

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You know what they say about guys with big feet?

They say that shoe shopping is a horrible ordeal for us, and you wouldn't believe how accurate that statement is. I looked through 7 different stores to find a pair that fit me. Thank god that one is still in business, I've worn the same model for 5 years now because they're the only ones that fit. ...

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You know what they say about poorly produced pornography...

You never see it coming.

You know what they say about guys who don't remember their circumcision...

Ignorance is briss.

You know what they say about people with big brains, right?

"You have a severe case of meningitis."

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A rabbit is captured and taken to a medical laboratory to be used for experiments . . .

There, he befriends a rabbit who was born and raised in the lab. One day, he notices that the researchers didn't latch his cage properly and he decides to make a break for it. He tells the lab rabbit how great it is on the outside and convinces him to come along.

First, the wild rabbit take...

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