UPJOKE

You Can Call Me Jokes

You can call me Apple.

Because I'm always in cider.

I suppose you can call me a leftist...

Because I can’t do anything right.

You can call me an ad...

Because I keep getting blocked

You can call me a mushroom...

Because I am such a fun guy (fungi)

Guess you can call me mr. Anti-gravity

Cause no one ever falls for me.

Baby you can call me King Arthur

Because you came a lot.

You can call me cheese on pasta

Because I'm grate

Girl, you can call me RNA II Polymerase ...

...cuz I'm gonna unzip your genes

Babe, you can call me Solar Radiation.

Because I'm about to get caught up in your ozone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl introduces her new boyfriend to her parents.

This is a German joke, but I think I found a way to translate it:

A girl wants to introduce her new boyfriend to her parents.
He knocks on the door and the parents together open the door and introduce themselves: "Hi, my name is Sarah and this is my husband Michael, nice to meet you!".
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You can call me...

A man walks into a bar and sits next to an extremely attractive woman. The man buys the woman a drink and they begin talking. As the night progresses he remembers he never got her name and ask her what it is. She replies, "My friends call me Carmen. Its easy to remember because its two of my favorit...

Guy says to a girl on tinder “You can call me the GOAT” “Why? Cause you’re the greatest of all time?”

“No, cause I’m gonna eat your bush”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You can call me a loser all you want but I know I'm a winner. Always have been one. Never lost a thing.

Not even my virginity.

For the next two days you can call me Edward...

I'll be snowed in

I work in the hole punching business. You can call me at 1-800-448-2-463.

I always leave a good first impression!


PS. I work for a printer\publisher and thought of this one while I was punching holes today. I hope the punchline isn't too convoluted.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Her Him

Her: I'm Susan, but you can call me Sue. 

Him: I'm Dave, but everyone calls me Dick


Her: Really? How do you get Dick from Dave?

Him: You ask nicely.


I heard this today!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There were two farms, one bordering the other.

On one side of the fence was an ox, flirting with the cow on the other side........

he couldn't take it anymore and wanted to go to the other side of the fence, which was very high, to trace the neighbor's cow......

One day he took courage, took distance and jumped the fence, got clo...

scarlet johansson

There’s an airline crash in the Pacific. The only two survivors are a young man, Steve, and an unconscious young woman.

Steve finds the young woman clinging to a piece of debris. He tows her to a small, deserted atoll.

The young woman does not regain consciousness for a week. In the me...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two boys in Egypt free a crocodile...

In a small village in Egypt lived two orphan boys, Set and Amenhotep. They always watched out for each other, well past their years of childhood and into their time as young adults.

One day, the two were walking outside the village when they saw a crocodile trapped in a poacher’s snare. The t...

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