UPJOKE

You're Too Young Jokes

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I want to live my next life backwards

You start out dead and get that out of the way.

Then you wake up in an old age home feeling and start feeling better every day.

Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.

Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.

Then when you start work, you get a gold watch ...

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

You're too young to smoke.

What did the Older Telephone said to the Younger Telephone?

You're too young to be engaged

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A grandpa is enjoying some beer on his porch

A grandpa is enjoying some beer on his porch when his grandson walks up to him and asks "grandpa, can I try some beer?"

"Can your dick touch your asshole?" The grandpa replies

"Umm, no?."

"Then you're too young to try this beer"

Later that evening grandpa was enjoying a ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Grandpa is fishing with his 12yrs old grandson...

...and after some time, the grandpa lights a cigarette. The boy asks:

"Grandpa, could I have a cigarette too?"

"Is your dick long enough to reach your asshole?" asks the old man.

"No..."

"Then you're too young for this."

They keep fishing. After a while, the grandp...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A son sees his father drinking...

He asks the dad:"Can I have some?" The dad replies: "Can your dick touch your butthole?" The son says no. The father then says "you're too young then."

The next day, the son sees his father smoking a cigarette and asks him if he can have a drag. The father replies: "Can your dick touch your b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy and his grandfather are fishing

The grandfather pulls out a flask and takes a swig. His grandson asks "Can I have a sip?"
"Can your dick touch your asshole?" replies the old man.
"No" says the boy.
"Then you're too young for whiskey"
A little while passes and the grandfather pulls out a cigarette and lights up.
"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young boy and his cranky grandfather ...

... are sitting on the front porch. The grandfather picks up his jug of moonshine and takes a big swig from it.

The boy asks, "Can I have a sip of that, Grandpa?"

"Can your dick touch your ass?" the grandfather asks.

"No..." says the boy

"Then you're too young to drink li...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little boy sees his grandpa drinking bourbon and gets curious...[NSFW]

A little boy sees his grandpa drinking bourbon and gets curious. "Grandpa," he says, "Can I have some of your drink." His grandpa responds, "Can your dick reach your butthole yet?" The little boy is confused and says no. "Well then you're too young to drink my bourbon, son."

A few days later ...

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

You're too young to smoke.

Sorry, it's the first joke I ever learned, and I haven't ever seen it posted.

A tale of two chimneys

What did the big chimney say to the smaller chimney?
You're too young to smoke.


What did the smaller chimney say to the big chimney?
GAH! TALKING CHIMNEY!

An older man and a 16-year-old girl were alone in a room...

The man had initially agreed to the meeting, but he was having some serious second thoughts. He knew what they were planning to do was illegal, and could land him in some serious trouble.

Man: I don't know, I'm not sure if I should. I mean, your parents would kill me if they found out. I know...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Grand dad and grand son go on a fishing trip.[Long]

A grand dad is taking his 6 year old grand son on a fishing trip for the day. Before they go out the grand mom packs the grand son a lunch and some snacks while the grand dad packs his own lunch and beers then they leave.

After an hour on the boat the grand dad opens a beer and begins to rel...

A little girl walks into the kitchen and asks her mother . . .

"Mommy, can I have a baby?"

Her mother smiles and says, "No, sweetie. You're too young."

"Are you sure?" The little girl asks.

"Yes, I'm sure."

The little girl then goes back outside and says to her playmates, "Okay boys - same game."

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