UPJOKE

You're Old Jokes

How to find out if you're old or not:

Fall down in front of a group of people. If they laugh, you’re young. If they panic, you’re old.

When you're old, the only pole dancing you can do is....

....to hold on to the safety bar in the bathtub

When you're 18 you're old enough to vote but not to drink.

But if you look at who we have to vote for, you could use a drink.

You know you're old when...

...your wife says, "Honey, let's run upstairs and make love" and your answer is, "I cannot do both."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know you're old...

When your stripper has braces and you're wondering how much her parents paid for them.

Now I'm not saying you're old...

but if you were milk I'd smell you before pouring you on my cereal.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When you're old its OK...

A drunken man was dreaming that he had died and was reincarnated on Earth as a chicken. He started to feel heavy so he tried to lay an egg. He pushed and pushed then pop he laid his first egg then his second. He was just pushing out his 3rd when his wife yelled "James your shitting the bed".

You know you're old when......

you can pronounce the names of your black peers.

You know you're old when you walk into a antique store

And they start bidding on you.

Old man goes to a doctor...

Old man, well into his eighties, goes to a doctor for a regular checkup.

The doctor examines him, makes several tests, looks at him and he can't believe what he sees. He says:

"Old man, this can't be true! You're old, but you're healthy as a teenager. No hypertension, no elevated sugar...

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