'You're beautiful and I love you," I yelled as I stood alone on the cliff.

And my echo replied "I just want to be friends."

50% of a woman's magazine is telling you to accept yourself - you're beautiful just the way you are!

The other 50% is telling you how to lose 5 lbs in a week.

Muslim Band

I went to see a Muslim Tribute band last night at a Mosque.

They were called "Bomb Jovi" and I thought they were brilliant.

They performed songs like:
"Losing my Head over You",
"Rocket Launcher Man",
"You're Six, you're Beautiful, and you're Mine".

Their la...

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Russian Joke: A little girl goes up to her mother...

...and asks her,

"Mommy, why does everyone say my face looks like an ass?"

Her mother replies,

"Oh honey no, you're beautiful! Don't listen to them, just go talk to your father."

So the little girl finds her father and asks him,

"Papa, why does everyone say that ...

A lawyer was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery

A lawyer was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, "You're beautiful!" and then he fell asleep again. His wife had never heard him say that so she stayed by his side.

A couple of minutes later, his eyes flutter...

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A woman is in the doctor's office...

She says, "Doctor, kiss me."

He replies "I'm sorry, you're beautiful, but I can't do that, it would be unprofessional, I could lose my practice."

A minute later, again she says "Doctor, please, please kiss me, you're so handsome, I'm so aroused and dying to be kissed by you."

He...

A little boy wants his toy,

A little boy wants his toy, so he walks up to his mother and says "Mom, give me my toy." His mother responds by saying, "What are the magic words?" So the little boy says the magic words and his mom gives him his toy.

The next day, the little boy starts kindergarten. At snack time, the littl...

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Man loses his eye in a construction accident

He can't afford a good prostetic eye so the dr.s give him a woodden one and he gets real insequre about it. One day he gets the courage to go with his friends to a bar to meet a woman. His buddy spots a beautiful woman except her lips are verticle. He turns to wood eye willy and says hey she's a lit...

Anesthesia

A man was just coming out of anesthesia after a series of tests in the hospital, and his wife was sitting at his bedside.

His eyes fluttered open, and he murmured, "You're beautiful."

Flattered, the wife continued her vigil while he drifted back to sleep.

Later, her husband w...

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A woman in line at a bank...

A woman is standing in a long line waiting for a bank teller. All of a sudden a masked man bursts into the bank waving a gun around. He demands all the cash from the bank tellers' drawers, the turns around and points the gun at the woman in line. He runs up to her, reached in his pocket and pulls ou...

So a guy walks into a brothel...

So this guy goes into a brothel and goes into one of the bedrooms with one of the women. He says, "I've never done this before, what do you wanna do?" She says, "Let's try 69." He agrees and they get into position and she farts in his face. Disgusted, he says "What was that?! That's disgusting!...

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A woman is sitting in a pub...

..as she is sitting there a man spies her. He walks up to her and says "I think you're beautiful and would love to buy you a drink." The woman replies, "no thank you, I'm not interested". The man goes back to his seat. After a few more drinks the same man walks back up to the woman and says, "I...

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