UPJOKE

Yes Dear Jokes

A blonde girl excitedly arrives home from school.

“Mommy Mommy, all the other kids can only count to 4, but I counted all the way to 10! Is it because I'm blonde Mommy?”

“Yes dear, it’s because you’re blonde.”

The girl returns home the following day even more ecstatic.

“Mommy mommy! When we dressed for gym class, all the oth...

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A blonde girl in second grade comes home one day really excited with a large grin on her face,

Running to her mother she says, "Mom!! mom! Today the teacher asked what letter comes after S, and i was the first in class to say T! Is it because I'm smarter?" Her mom sighs, "Yes honey."

The very next day she runs home from school and with a large proud smile on her face she tells her moth...

Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.

A woman is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says “Two Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident.”


The woman starts crying to her husband, sobbing “That’s horrible!!! So many men dying that way!”

Confused, he says, “Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydivin...

Grandmother gets a new doctor.

The doctor that had been seeing this 80 year old woman finally retired, at her next checkup her new doctor told her to bring all of her medicines that have been prescribed to her.

As the new doctor was going through them his eyes grew wide as he realized this grandmother had a prescription fo...

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Lorena Bobbitt makes getaway

While leaving the scene of her infamous revenge, Lorena discovers that she is still gripping the disconnected member of that cheating ba***rd. She flings it out the car window into oncoming traffic.

Unfortunately it slaps against the windshield of a mom and young daughter.

Mom, !! Wh...

Water Pistol

When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink.

I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, ''I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with wate...

A conversation between a camel and its mother

Baby camel: Mum, why do we have humps on our back?

Mother camel: So that we can store food and water for many days when we trek for long distances in the desert.

Baby camel: Mum, why do we have thick eyelashes?

Mother camel: So that we can avoid sand from entering our eyes durin...

Kindergarten Blonde

A blond girl comes home from her first day of kindergarten and says "most of the kids can count to 10, but I can count to 20. Is that because I'm a blond?"

Her mom says"yes dear, it's because you're a blond."

The next day the girl comes home and says "today we had to do our ABC's." Mos...

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Too Much to Drink

It was getting late one night when the bartender at a pub decided he'd have to cut one of the regulars off.

*"You've had too much to drink Jeffrey. I've got to stop servin' ya."*

*"Aye, it seems I have. Besides, the wife's probably gonna be mad I drank too much again. I should get on h...

At the wedding night:

Him: Finally, I've been waiting on this for so long!

Her: Would you like me to leave you?

Him: NO. I can't even think about that..

Her: Do you love me?

Him: Of course, a lot!

Her: Have you ever cheated on me?

Him: NO. Why are you even asking me this?

...

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Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of new space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all ot...

An elderly couple are having dinner at a restaurant ....

An elderly couple are having dinner at their favorite 4 star restaurant when a gorgeous blonde walks up says "Hey babY!" , plants a kiss on the mans cheek and walks away .

His wife looks over at him and says "Who was that ?"

The man calmly replies" oh her ? That's my mistress"
...

A man is on his deathbed with...

his wife by his side. In his faint, dying breath, he tells her that there were two times he suspected she cheated on him, and he would like to know the truth, the whole truth, before he dies.

Rather hesitantly, she agrees to tell him everything. "Well first," she begins, "remember when you lo...

Idk, a long old joke

A very elderly couple is seated at a table in a bar. The woman looks over to the man, holding his hand and says, "Do you remember meeting me for the first time right here 50 years ago?"
The husband replies, "Yes dear."
The wife says, "Do you remember what we did afterwards?"
The husb...

A child asks her mum if she will always remember her ...

****My sister told me this joke the other day****

Daughter: "Will you remember me in 1 hour?"

Mum: "Of course i will"

Daughter: "will you remember me in 1 day?

Mum: "yes dear"

Daughter: "will you remember me in 1 month?"

Mum: "to the end of time, i will alwa...

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A jew is on his death bed...

As he breathes his last breath he calls for his wife,"Angella are you here." The wife replies sobbing " yes dear here i am." He then asks for his two sons. The wife now choking up replies "yes dear they are here too. By your side." The man coughs and gathers up breath to ask for his daughter. The wi...

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A polar bear cub nervously approaches his mother...

The mother was feasting on a seal, and the young fellow finally had the nerve to interrupt her.

"Mom? Mom?"

"Yes dear?"

"Are...are you sure I'm a polar bear?"

The mother lifts her snout and says, "Goodness, of course you are."

"But...but how do you know? For sure?"...

Wife driving the car ....

WIFE: honey?

Husband: yes dear

WIFE: did something hit the car

Husband: yes deer

WIFE: do you know what it was

Husband: yes deer

WIFE: was it an animal

Husband: yes deer

WIFE: was it a rabbit

Husband: no deer



(copied)

I always have the last word in any argument with my wife.

Yes dear.

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