UPJOKE

Without The Jokes

Without the Arabs we wouldn’t have 9/11.

We would have IX/XI instead

What do you call the game Operation without the batteries?

Autopsy

My friend said that, apparently, you cant make a sentence without the letter 'a'...

I don't know if they're right. Do you guys know if its true? I'm honestly kind of lost on this one...

What do you call a horse with the horn? A unicorn. What do you call a horse without the horn?

A eunuchorn.

I was wondering what my parents did without the internet

and none of my 7 siblings could tell me

My wife said she's leaving me because I keep making coffee without the filter. The judge agreed

Apparently it's grounds for a divorce

What do you call a magician without the magic?

Ian

Can you write a whole paragraph without the letter A?

I wouldn't recommend it.

Honestly, your sentences willl just sound wrong.
Everyone will notice you're doing something
different. Your writing won't flow smoothly. You'll
use weird words.

It's not worth the effort involved in spending
time online looking up tons of synonym...

Six without the S is a Nine

Nice.

Non alcoholic beer is like a vibr@tor without the batteries.

It fills you up nicely, but without the buzz.

If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills

# For all who know/knew that poem of Rudyard Kipling’s, “If”

**A delightful take-off!**

**If you can start the day without caffeine or pep pills,**

**If you can be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains,**

**If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles,*...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

With or without the comma?

man, tits are the best!

man tits are the best!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] Why did one boob feel lost without the other?

because she lost her iden-tity

Why do British people pronounce British without the tea?

Because they drank it

I've come to learn that every groupchat has a separate, smaller groupchat, just without the annoying people.

If you think yours doesn't, then i have some bad news.

Without the Joker, there's no Batman. Without Frazier, there's no Ali.

Without Russian sports, there's no Anti-Doping Agency

What do you call a wizard without the 'd'?

A witch.

I tried circumcision without the proper equipment.

It was a bit of a stretch, but I managed to pull it off.

I’m like Dr. Strange without the PHD and magic cape.

Strange...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why does America spell colour without the u?

because fuck u

What do you call France without the Mediterranean?

Frane.

A man sold me a clock without the minute and hour hands

He said he clearly wrote that it was a second-hand clock.

How to get laid for free without the trouble of dating...

..







Start working at the mortuary like me.

What do you call it when the floor staff at a chicken processing facility take over the business without the owner's permission?

A coup de coop.

Finally the English did it, without the meddling of the politicians

BREXIT.

If someone on a first date tells me their hobbies include drawing the flag of China without the stars I think to myself...

that's a big red flag!

What do you call surf & turf without the turf?

A missed-steak.

A scientist is testing a robot that he has just built, and takes him to a baseball game to test his awareness without the robot’s eyes working.

They arrive at the game and take their seats. The home team, the Boston Red Sox is losing the game 2 runs to nothing to New York. The scientist leans over and says to the robot “Run down: 2, New York” The robot takes this as a command and quickly runs to New York from Boston, arriving back just befo...

How do you escape from a closed cellar without the keys?

I don't know either, please help me.

Going to war without the French

Is like going hunting without an accordion

A father has 3 daughters and they each got boyfriends without the father knowing,

He finds out when all 3 daughters have dates the same night for the same time. He decides he’ll meet them at the door and see if they’re acceptable. The first boyfriend shows up on time, he’s greeted by the father and says “Hi I’m Joe, I’m here to pick up Flo, and we’re gonna go see a show.” The fat...

Whenever I get a sock from the laundry without the other sock, I keep this sock in the hopes of finding the partner in the future.

I call these socks lost soles.

Why did the judge dismiss the case of the pizza being delivered without the crust?

Because it was a baseless accusation

What do you call a brat without the bun?

The wurst

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What can't you spell without the letters p-e-n-i-s?

Happiness... you dirty bastards

After 4 months without the gym I finally went back and a great weight was lifted off my shoulders

After they removed the weight, the paramedics then took me to the hospital for extensive surgery.

"How does it feel to live without the Internet?"

I met an Amish man who gave me a ride when my car was broken down.

Me: "So, what's it like to live without the internet?"

Amish Man: "Pretty swell. I just get pictures of your mom through the mail."

[OH SNAP!](http://reactiongif.org/wp-content/uploads/GIF/2014/08/GIF-amazing-cla...

My friend asked me how would people survive without the ability to see, hear, smell, taste, or feel.

I told him: It's nonsense.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A gorilla walks into a bar in Manhattan

The bartender gives the gorilla a craft beer menu (without the fucking QR codes). The gorilla points at a particular summer ale, with hints of lemon. The bartender nods, and tells him what a great choice that is.

A few minutes later, the bartender serves the gorilla this tasty craft brew, an...

Chuck Norris killed 5 people with a sword

Then 20 more without the sheath

My sister is a theater teacher and asked her class, "What would the world be like without theater?"

One of her students replied, "Well, Abraham Lincoln would've lived a bit longer."

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