UPJOKE

Wife Complain Jokes

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My wife complains about constantly being sexually harassed at work

I told her she can stop working from home and go back to the office if she doesn’t like it

A wife complains to her husband.

\-You don't love me anymore! Once, you used to spend the whole evening sitting with me on the sofa, holding my hands. How long has it been since you've done it last?

\- Darling, it's not that I don't love you anymore. It's just that there is no need for that ever since we sold the piano.

My wife complained about the fireworks that went on until midnight on the 3rd, I told her it was just a little fourth-play.

This just happened and she looked over and told me it was the first actually funny thing I had said in a couple of years so I thought I would post it. I'm sure someone somewhere has said this before but damnit let me relish in this moment.


Bonus, before that the last funny thing I said w...

My wife complains that I have no sense of direction

So I packed up my bags and right

My wife complains that I don't buy her flowers

In all honesty, I didn't know she sold flowers.

The wife complains to the husband...

Wife: I already have blisters on my palms because of the broom

Husband: Next time try to go by car

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My wife complained about me wanking off

We argued and I won. I’m master-debator

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My wife complains about everything

Even when I give her cunilingus, all she can do is moan

My wife complained to me that our neighbor brings HIS wife flowers and chocolates but I don't do anything like that....

So now I bring my neighbors flowers and chocolates

My wife complained she wished someone other than her would do some dusting.

Crop dusting evidently is not what she had in mind.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man and his wife are having trouble in bed...

... the woman never even gets close to having an orgasm. She complains to her husband that it is way too warm in their house and that's why she can't have an orgasm.

The man decides to consult a sex therapist for a possible solution. The therapist says the man should cool his wife off by waf...

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Complaining wife

A wife complained to her husband:

"The kitchen faucet has been leaking for a week now and you still haven't fixed it!"

"Do I look like a fucking plumber?", the man answered.

The next day the woman complained again:

"Some tiles fell down in the bathroom, aren't you going...

My wife complained,,

that the way my life revolves around Facebook has destroyed the way we communicate as a family.

So I blocked her..

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My wife complained to me that I don't take an interest in her family.

Now she is upset because I fucked her sister. I can't win.

My wife complained that I never finish anything

So I replied wi

My wife complains that I'm too literal

So we went to see a marriage counselor and she asked, "so what brings you here today?"


I said, "my truck"

A wife complains to her husband...

A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, Roger, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her … Why can’t you do the same?”

“Are you mad? I barely know the woman!”

My wife complained about all my bad puns

I said, “what did you expect? You married a groan man”

My wife complained to me the other day that I'm trying to be somebody that I'm not...

I'm just confused as to how she got into the batcave in the first place.

One day a wife complained..

"This wall clock almost killed my mother today. It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch."

The husband grunted and replied, "The darn clock always was slow."

My wife complained that long baths feel draining

So I got her a plug.

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A wife complains to her husband...

The wife complains to her husband that her breasts are sagging, her skin is wrinkly, and her but is too big. She asks if he can give her a compliment to cheer her up.

"Apparently, you have perfect vision"

I’m sick of my wife complaining about me sitting around all day.

I’m not going to stand for it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wife complains she doesn't enjoy sex with husband because his penis is too small

aghast and offended the husband runs and gets a standard 12 inch ruler to measure up.
"Ha!" he cries "I knew it was big but I didn't know it was that big! 9 inches! look!"
the wife looks and says:
"you're holding the ruler upside down."

A Viking explorer came home to find his name removed from the town register. When his wife complained, the chief apologized and said,

“I must have taken Lief off my census.”

My very pregnant wife complained that bending over the sink to wash dishes was too hard on her back

"Oooh babe," I sympathized, "why don't you just stand sideways?"

The stitches come out on Monday.

After years of the wife complaining about me wearing the same boring underwear I decided maybe she was right and I needed to up my underwear game.

So I bought a second pair.

Noisy Dog.

A husband and wife are having a hard time sleeping, given the fact their neighbor's dog is barking in the backyard all night long. Eventually, the wife tells her husband to go next door and get the dog to stop. The husband obeys and comes back a few minutes later.

"Okay, honey, that should so...

A Muslim wife complains to her husband that all the romance had gone out of their marriage.

"Remember when you used to carry me up to bed?" she asked.
Yeah," he replied, "But be fair, you were only eleven at the time !!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

A married couple on a tight budget were shopping in a supermarket. The husband picks up a case of beer and places it in their shopping cart...

The wife complained, "Put that back, we only have enough funds for essential items - not luxuries such as beer costing $20."

A little later while walking through the cosmetics aisle, the wife picks up a beauty cream and places it in the cart.

The husband says, "I thought we were on a t...

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