The wife complains to the husband...

Wife: I already have blisters on my palms because of the broom

Husband: Next time try to go by car

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My wife complains about constantly being sexually harassed at work

I told her she can stop working from home and go back to the office if she doesn’t like it

My wife complains I never buy her flowers

I didn’t even know she sold flowers.

My wife complains that I have no sense of direction

So I packed up my bags and right

I use Twitter a lot and my wife complained that my life revolving around Twitter has destroyed the way we communicate as a family.

So I blocked her.

My wife complains that I'm too literal

So we went to see a marriage counselor and she asked, "so what brings you here today?"


I said, "my truck"

A Viking explorer came home to find his name removed from the town register. When his wife complained, the chief apologized and said,

“I must have taken Lief off my census.”

My wife complains I use too much toilet paper and I should only use three sheets.

Now she complains that the bed linen stinks.

After years of the wife complaining about me wearing the same boring underwear I decided maybe she was right and I needed to up my underwear game.

So I bought a second pair.

My wife complained that I never finish anything

So I replied wi

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A wife complains to her husband...

The wife complains to her husband that her breasts are sagging, her skin is wrinkly, and her but is too big. She asks if he can give her a compliment to cheer her up.

"Apparently, you have perfect vision"

A wife complains to her husband

A wife complains to her husband: “Just look at that couple down the road, how lovely they are. He keeps holding her hand, kissing her, holding the door for her, why can’t you do the same?”

The husband: “Are you mad? I barely know the woman!”

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Wife complains she doesn't enjoy sex with husband because his penis is too small

aghast and offended the husband runs and gets a standard 12 inch ruler to measure up.
"Ha!" he cries "I knew it was big but I didn't know it was that big! 9 inches! look!"
the wife looks and says:
"you're holding the ruler upside down."

I’m sick of my wife complaining about me sitting around all day.

I’m not going to stand for it.

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My wife complained to me that I don't take an interest in her family.

Now she is upset because I fucked her sister. I can't win.

My very pregnant wife complained that bending over the sink to wash dishes was too hard on her back

"Oooh babe," I sympathized, "why don't you just stand sideways?"

The stitches come out on Monday.

A Muslim wife complains to her husband that all the romance had gone out of their marriage.

"Remember when you used to carry me up to bed?" she asked.
Yeah," he replied, "But be fair, you were only eleven at the time !!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

My wife complained about all my bad puns

I said, “what did you expect? You married a groan man”

My wife complained to me the other day that I'm trying to be somebody that I'm not...

I'm just confused as to how she got into the batcave in the first place.

My wife complained that long baths feel draining

So I got her a plug.

One day a wife complained..

"This wall clock almost killed my mother today. It fell only seconds after she got up from the couch."

The husband grunted and replied, "The darn clock always was slow."

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I'm tired of my wife complaining about the clogged septic system...

She keeps bringing that shit up.

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Complaining wife

A wife complained to her husband:

"The kitchen faucet has been leaking for a week now and you still haven't fixed it!"

"Do I look like a fucking plumber?", the man answered.

The next day the woman complained again:

"Some tiles fell down in the bathroom, aren't you going...

So an Amish couple are in their horse and buggy going down the road during a blizzard...

The woman spots a skunk lying in the road. She turns to her husband and says, "Honey, pull over, he must be freezing!"

So the husband pulls over and the wife gets out and gets the skunk and get on their way again.

After about 5 minutes, she says to her husband, "Oh honey, he is still s...

Cinderella

Wife complains to her husband: " I feel like Cinderella in our house! I have to cook, clean, scrub, do the dishes, wipe the floor...!?"

Husband: "Darling, I told you life with me is like a fairy-tale!"

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A wife tells her husband that she wants breast implants

Her husband says, "Why on earth would you want to do that? You look gorgeous exactly the way you are."

"But I'm not HAPPY!" the wife complains.

The husband replies, "Well, I want you to be happy. But we don't need to spend a ton of money on implants. All you need to do is rub some toi...

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Since you like NSFW jokes here is one from Egypt

Once upon a time there was a king who used to fuck his wife in a room putting a black servant beside them to cool the air using a plastic fan but the king's dick was small and the wife complained about getting no pleasure so he told the black servant to replace the roles and the wife was in great pl...

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Penis enlargement NSFW (Long)

Paddy's wife complains to him that his penis is too small and doesn't satisfy her, so on a visit to the local pub, after a few pints, he seeks advice from Mick, who's a well-known ladies' man.

"Do what I do," says Mick. "As I go upstairs, I slap my pecker off the handrail with every step I ta...

Once upon a time

There was a very happy, married couple who ran a small farm.

They loved each other and all, there was just one problem – the guy farted incredibly, and enjoyed ripping seriously loud ones in bed especially.

The wife complained for years, pleaded – in vain. “One day, you’ll spill your g...

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We're going fishing this weekend

A husband, one bright sunny morning, turns to his lovely wife, "Wife, we're going fishing this weekend, you, me and the dog."

The wife grimaces, "But I don't like fishing!"

"Look! We're going fishing and that's final."

"Do I have to go fishing with you... I really don't want to ...

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "I'm sick of the wife complaining. Last night she said 'You always come home from work in a bad mood. I can't remember the last time you walked through that door with a smile on your face.'" the guy says. "Of course she can't. She wasn't living there then."

Laundry

A shy young couple invent a name for making love "doing the laundry." One night the husband wakes up and asks his wife if she wants to "do the laundry."She complains that she's got a headache so the husband goes back to sleep. In the morning he asks if she'd like to "do the laundry," but his wife co...

A married couple come to the marriage counselor...

A married couple come to the marriage counselor. The wife complains:
- We were having a perfect marriage until his girlfriend started dating my boyfriend..

A man and his wife are on their honeymoon...

The two are in a splendid hotel, in their beds, snuggling down to make love when the newly made wife complains, "Honey, I feel like we're being watched." Because they're both former CIA, he decides to humor his wife and check around the room. Beneath the bed, behind it, even around the corners of th...

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Headache

The husband emerged from the bathroom naked and was climbing into bed when his wife complained, as usual, "I have a headache"

"Perfect," her husband said. "I was just in the bathroom powdering my dick with aspirin. You can take it orally or as a suppository, it's up to you!"

The Hardest Question for a Man

A man has a wife that oftened ask the hardest question when ever they quarreled.

"If your mum and i both fell into the ocean, who would you rescue from drowning?"

He has always managed to deflect the question but it was getting harder to do so as time passed.

One day he shared h...

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