UPJOKE

Why Can't Jokes

Why can't dinosaurs clap their hands?

Cause they're dead.

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl urinate?

Because they have been extinct for millions of years.

Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70?

Because when she gets to 69 there's a frog in her throat.

Why can't Donald Trump be hung for treason?

Fake Noose

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW Why can't women ever tell men where the clitoris is?

Cause its a place to eat.

Why can't pirates learn the alphabet?

Because they spend years at C.

Why can't a nose be 30.48 centimeters?

Because then it would be .3048 Meters.

Some jokes just don't translate well.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can't dyslexics tell jokes?

They always punch up the fuckline.

Why can't you keep score in Afghanistan?

Because of the tally-ban

why can't a bicycle fly?...

Because it's two tired!

Why can't you use beef stew as a password on your computer?

It's not stroganoff

Why can't you argue with the LGBT community?

Because they're not thinking straight.

Why can't you fool an aborted baby?

Because he wasn't born yesterday

Why can't Chinese people have white babies?

Because two Wongs don't make a white

Why can't a blonde dial 911?

Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911?
A: She can't find the eleven.

Why can't a chicken coop have more than two doors?

Because if it had four, it would be a chicken sedan.

Q: Why can't orphans play baseball?

A: Because they don't know where home is.

Why can't Ray Charles drive?

Because he's dead.

Why can't I date?

I kid wen't to his father and asked,
"Daddy, I fell in love and wan't to date this nice girl"

Father: "That's great son. Who is it?"

Son: "It's Sandra, the neighbor's daughter."

Father: "Oh, I wish you hadn't said that. I have to tell you something son, but you must p...

Why can't you trust atoms?

Because they make up everything.

Why can't Barbie get pregnant?

because Ken comes in a different box

Why can't Athiests solve exponential problems?

Because they don't believe in higher powers.

Why can't a Samsung be disguised as an iPhone?

Because eventually, its cover would be blown.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

why can't you get pregnant from having sex with a vampire?

Because they need permission to come inside

Why can't Harry potter tell the difference between his cooking pot and his best friend?

Because they're both cauldron

[NSFW] Why can't you tell secrets to Kurt Cobain?

Because he'll go shooting his mouth off.

Why can't Stevie Wonder see his friends?

Because he's married

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can't you hear rabbits having sex?

Because they have cotton balls.

Why can't two elephants go swimming?

-They only have one pair of trunks.

Why can't Irishmen be lawyers?

They can never get past the bar.

Why can't a nose be twelve inches long?

Because then it would be a foot.

Why can't you play UNO with Mexicans?

They'll steal all of the green cards.

Why can't you go see the US Supreme Court?

It's already sold out

Why can't they make CSI: Alabama?

Because all the DNA is the same

Why can't crows star in a sitcom?

Everytime more than one is on set it turns into a 'murder' mystery.

Why can't you trust a left-handed mathematician with graph paper?

They'll plot something sinister.

Why can't Timmy ride a bike?

Because Timmy is a goldfish.

(My 8 year old's favorite joke.)

Why can't Apple brand shirts be worn the wrong way around?

They don't have backwards compatibility.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Seriously though, why can't you put the punchline in the title?

What do you say to piss off a redditor?

Why can't a man living in New York be buried in Chicago

Because he's still alive

why can't you put a Subaru in reverse?

Because then U R A Bus!

(Reposted to fix typo where I misspelled Subaru)

Why can't stone workers sleep at night?

They spend all day knapping.

Why can't Superman beat Dracula?

Because he's afraid to go into the krypt tonite!

Why can't you run inside the office building?

Because it's nsfw.

Why can't conservatives ever make good chili and barbeque?

Because they have to be liberal with their spices.

Why can't AI (Artificial Intelligence) replace managers?

because it’s not designed to be useless

Why can't you tell pirate jokes to kids?

Because they're all ARRRRR rated!

Why can't Ewoks yell and scream in the house?

They have to use their Endor voices.

Why can't Russia have a female president?

Because Putin is not a woman.

Why can't americans play chess?

They are missing two towers

Why can't Sherlock Holmes solve ANY crimes in Alabama?

He can't find any dental records, and all the DNA is the same for everyone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can't blind people tell when they're done wiping?

Because they can't see shit.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can't an orphan use an iPad?

He/She won't find the home button.

Why can't you trust an artist?

Cuz they're sketchy, shady, and they'll frame you

Why can't Rick Astley be an elevator operator?

Because he said he'd never let you down.

Why can't you trick an unemployed jester?

Because he's nobody's fool!

Why can't you take a picture with a cat in Alabama?

You can't take a picture with a cat anywhere. You have to use a camera!

why can't the British people pronounce "T"?

They drank all of it.

Why can't vegetarians eat pudding?

You can't have any pudding if you don't eat your meat

Why can't pirates use sign language?

Because the hook makes everything sound like a question.

Why can't the Seven Dwarfs get into a bar?

Because they don't serve miners.

Why can't you give Elsa a balloon?

Because she'd just Let It Go.

As told to me by my 5 year-old daughter

Why can't vampires ever grow as people?

Because they're incapable of self reflection

Why can't computers drive cars?

Because they keep crashing

Why can't you email a photo to a Jedi?

because attachments are forbidden

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can't homosexuals tell jokes

Cuz they can't keep a straight face


Btw I'm not trying to target homos

Why can't football players wear glasses?

It's a contacts sport

Why can't PC gamers use Uber?

Too many incompatible drivers.

Why can't cannibals have friends?

They aren't allowed to play with their food

Why can't a leopard hide?

It's always spotted.

Why can't Jesus eat M&Ms?

Because of all the holes in his hands.

Why can't cabbages run fast?

They move in slaw motion

Why can't melons get married?

They cantaloupe ^sorry ^I'll ^leave

Why can't you put a desk fan on its back?

Well, you could, but it would blow up.

Why can't you sue a deaf guy?

He can't go to the hearing

Why can't a nose be 12 inches

Coz then it would be a foot


Yea I'm an expert at dad jokes but am not dat funny

Why can't Cinderella play soccer?

Because she keeps running away from the ball

Why can't a police officer sleep?

Because when he is in the bed, he is under cover.

Why can't blind people go skydiving?

It scares their dogs

Why can't judges get drunk?

They always order just-ice

Why can't ghosts reproduce?

Because they have hollow weenies!

Happy Spooktober!

Why can't Two-Face beat Batman?

Because he's two Dents.

Why can't Kylie Jenner see her mom?

Because she's trans-parent

Why can't you tell a joke to an egg?

Why can't you tell a joke to an egg?

It might crack up!

Why can't they send cats to mars

Because curiosity killed the cat.

Why can't Liquid Soap ever be a Lawyer?

They'll never pass the Bar Exam

Why can't Kevin Spacey win at blackjack (despite his role in "21")?

He keeps hitting on 17.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl taking a piss?

Silent p.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can't you shorten LGBTQIA+ to just L+?

Because that would just be premium gay

Why can't you run in a campground?

Because you ran: It's past tents.

I'll show myself out.

Why can't cats work on the computer?

They get too distracted chasing the mouse around.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why can't a T-Rex masturbate?

Cause they're exctict

Why can't you read cat poetry to children?

Because it's all purr-verse.

Why can't mitochondria get women?

Because they're in cells

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.