UPJOKE

Who Cares Jokes

Who cares about a threesome

If I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I’ll go talk to my parents.

500 bricks on a plane

Q. There are 500 bricks on a plane, one falls off, how many left?
A. 499

Q. What are the 3 simple steps of putting an elephant in a refrigerator?
A. Open refrigerator, put elephant in, close refrigerator.

Q. What are the 4 simple steps of putting a giraffe in a refrigerator?
A...

Who cares if you pee in the shower?

The bride and all her guests, apparently.

I finally found someone who cares as much as I do about providing sources for every claim.

It was love at first cite.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who cares if toilet paper is soft or not?

Only an asshole can tell the difference anyway.

A girl tells her mom she’s dating the guy next door

The mom’s like “you can’t date him he could be your dad”

And the daughter is like “so there’s an age difference who cares”

“I think you misunderstood me”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When you’re 60 who cares?

I was standing at the bar one night minding my own business. This FAT ugly chick came up behind me, grabbed my behind and said, "You're kinda cute. You gotta phone number?" I said, "Yeah, you gotta pen?" She said, "Yeah, I got a pen". I said, "You better get back in it before the farmer misses you."...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW A nurse is bathing a female patient who is in a coma..

A nurse is bathing a female patient who is in a coma when she notices that the patients heart rate and breathing increase whenever she cleans the genital area. She gets the idea that oral sex might actually revive her. She calls the patient's husband over and explains that oral sex might revive her,...

Do you know what Mexicans think about Trump's wall?

Who cares, they'll get over it..

“I work with animals,” the man says to his date. “That’s so sweet,” she replies.

“I love a man who cares about animals. Where do you work?”

“I’m a butcher,” he says.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell.

One day a guy dies and finds himself in hell.

As he is wallowing in despair, he has his first meeting with the devil...

Satan: "Why so glum?"

Guy: "What do you think? I'm in hell!"

Satan: "Hell's not so bad. We actually have a lot of fun down here. You a drinking man?"...

The World Health Organization has your best interests in mind....

WHO cares

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How Many Dogs Does it Take to Change a Lightbulb?

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!...

The 40 year old health care worker who cares for newborns started questioning her career choices, then flipped out and left town

I guess she was having a midwife crisis

Positive quote on living with Schizophrenia disorder

There is always someone there who cares for you without your knowledge

Men need to stop staring and yelling at me when I wear yoga pants. I'm not doing it for you. I'm doing it for me, because it's comfortable...

Who cares if you can see my balls?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Heaven is celebrating

A man was waiting at the Pearly Gates, when he noticed a commotion, suddenly a choir of angels start singing and the whole place is rejoicing.

“What’s going on?” He asked.

“Soon a man whose deeds and actions were greatly admired by God, will be joining us and we’re anticipating the arr...

What do you get when you mix a rat and an elephant?

Who cares? It's a relephant.

Today, my brother told me he'd hire a hitman to kill me.

As sad as it is, at least now I've got one person who cares about whether I'm alive.

The floor is lava!

Said everyone, Pompeii 79 A.D.

People are always saying, is the glass half full or empty..

Who cares....there's room for some vodka.. who all wants some?

Russian, Ukrainian and Ethiopian babies got mixed up at birth.

The doctors invited their fathers so they could try to figure out which baby belongs to whom. Ukrainian father without any hesitation just takes an Ethiopian child and is about to leave the room.

"You idiot! Can't you see, this is obviously not your child!" - shouts Russian father

"Wh...

"Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes."

After that who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!”

What's the opposite of an elephant ear?

Who cares? It's completely *earelephant*

I just found out about the second meaning of BBC....

Who cares about British television?

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