Who Asked Jokes - 17 Hilarious Who Asked Jokes

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied.

"Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked.

"No, I don't ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Update For those who asked, my wife is doing ok.

I overdosed on viagra and she took it kinda hard.

I was phoned by Rick Astley, who asked me to borrow some Pixar DVD's...

I said "Fair enough You can have 'Toy Story', 'A Bug's Life' and 'Finding Nemo' but I'm never gonna give you 'Up'".

I was stopped at the border by a guard who asked me "do you have any weapons?"

I said, "what do you need?"

I once had an offer to join a secret club, where anyone who asked questions would be permanently banned.

I said, "Sure, why not?"

Why did Rita turn down a guy who asked her out?

He said "Will you go out with me........ **Señorita**?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A professional singer was contacted by a priest who asked if she would sing at the funeral of a homeless man with no family, who had recently passed away.

Moved with compassion, the singer agreed. The priest informed her that, since he had no relatives or money, the man would be buried in a paupers grave in the countryside, and informed the singer she would have to drive herself. On the day of the funeral, the singer set out in her car following the d...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Indian and two Pakistanis sat on a Plane.

An Indian got a seat between two Pakistanis on a plane. Relaxing, he took his shoes off.

Soon enough, he got hungry.

"Hey, I'm going to get myself a snack. You guys want anything?" He asked the Pakistanis.

The man to his right said he would like a Coke.

"Of course." s...

Three men are talking in a Soviet gulag.

One of them asks the two others: "So what did you do?"

The first one answers: "Well, I arrived late at the factory, and so they accused me of slowing down the Revolution and the victory of the Proletariat."

The second one answers: "Well, I arrived early at the factory, and so they accu...

Did you hear about the Jewish boy who asked his father for 5 dollars?

His father replied,

"4 dollars? What the hell do you need 3 dollars for??"

There was a waiter in Alabama who asked a table for their order

The waiter says “what do you and your girlfriend want to eat tonight”.
The man replies “oh she’s my sister”
The waiter tells him he’s really sorry for assuming they were a couple but the man says “it’s fine, you weren’t that far off, she’s my wife too"

I once met a guy who asked me “aren’t you that guy who brags about really weird, specific stuff?”

I then replied “No, I’m the guy with the longest garden hose in the county.”

There was this guy who asked me, "how do I open this jar?!"

"Install the latest version of the Java Runtime Environment", I said. Silly guy, now he's all confused. People these days... SMH.

There were two white Christian men, John and Mike, whose plane crashed into a desert.

Luckily they survived unharmed. As they traveled through the hot desert looking for food and water, they gave up and sat down, thinking of what to do.

As the dust in the air settled, they suddenly could view a mosque ahead. They became very hopeful. But then John said ''Muslims are there. The...

Yuri Gagarin returned from space and Khrushchev asked him a question: "While you were up there, did you see god?"

Yuri replied: "Yes."

"That's what I suspected, but don't tell anybody."

Gagarin traveled to Rome and met the Pope, who asked him a question: "While you were up there, did you see god?"

Yuri replied: "No."

"That's what I suspected, but don't tell anybody."

A young widow goes to the funeral parlour to plan her husband's funeral

She met with the mortician who asked her how she wants the body dressed.

"He always looked so good in blue. I want him to be buried in a blue suit."

This posed a problem as he had been delivered to the funeral parlour in the black suit he was wearing when he died. However, the wife was...

Did you hear about the little boy in China who asked his doctor to let him die?

Talk about a case of Youth-In-Asia.

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I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner.

**Update** For those who asked, my wife is doing ok.

I was phoned by Rick Astley, who asked me to borrow some Pixar DVD's...

I was stopped at the border by a guard who asked me "do you have any weapons?"

I once had an offer to join a secret club, where anyone who asked questions would be permanently banned.

Why did Rita turn down a guy who asked her out?

A professional singer was contacted by a priest who asked if she would sing at the funeral of a homeless man with no family, who had recently passed away.

An Indian and two Pakistanis sat on a Plane.

Three men are talking in a Soviet gulag.

Did you hear about the Jewish boy who asked his father for 5 dollars?

There was a waiter in Alabama who asked a table for their order

I once met a guy who asked me “aren’t you that guy who brags about really weird, specific stuff?”

There was this guy who asked me, "how do I open this jar?!"

There were two white Christian men, John and Mike, whose plane crashed into a desert.

Yuri Gagarin returned from space and Khrushchev asked him a question: "While you were up there, did you see god?"

A young widow goes to the funeral parlour to plan her husband's funeral

Did you hear about the little boy in China who asked his doctor to let him die?

Update For those who asked, my wife is doing ok.