UPJOKE

Who's Got Jokes

Who's got two thumbs and a knife injury?

Not this guy. It's more like 1.9 thumbs now.

What do you give a man who's got everything?

Penicillin.

Who's got two thumbs and knows how to use scissors?

Not me, I can't apply to either of those anymore.

Who's got the tightest bod in the North Pole?

Abdominal Snowman

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cowboy enters a Wild West town.

Sees all the streets are empty, only one old man sitting quietly in the sun.

\- Hello sir, - he says. - Where is everybody?

\- Ah, everyone's off hanging Brown-Paper-Joe.

\- Who's that? Never heard of him.

\- Well, it's a guy here who's got a brown paper shirt, a brown pa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Jew, an Italian, and a Black guy at recess [Possibly NSFW and offensive]

Once, there were three third graders. One was Italian, one was Jewish, and one was Black. They were at recess. They were also good friends.

"Whaddya wanna play?", the Black guy said.

"Uh...soccer", the Jew said.

"I can't run. Remember my leg?", the Italian guy said.

"How ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guys without balls applies for a job

"You're hired! Report tomorrow at 8am"
\- Thanks! There's just one detail I'd like you to know about me. I lost my balls during the war. But I can otherwise function perfectly fine.
"Ah ok, then you can come tomorrow at 9am"
\- Sir, I appreciate the consideration, but I do not expect ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man runs into a pub all out of breath and asks at the first table:

"Guys, who's got a big black fat dog with a white collar?"

Nobody raises their hand.

"Oh, shit, so I ran over the vicar."

Biggest Pee Pee

There were three boys all in third grade: an Asian boy, a Spanish boy and a redneck. They were trying to think of games to play at recess when the Asian boy got an idea. "I know," he said, "we can play 'Who's Got the Biggest Pee Pee'".

"How do you play that?" asked the redneck.

"It'...

I'm not proud of this.

I want to learn to cook but who's got Thyme?

Cocaine's a joke!

(Who's got the next line?)

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