UPJOKE

Where Do Jokes

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?

Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

Where do Asian neckbeards come from?

M'laysia

If all dogs go to heaven, where do cats go?

Purrrgatory

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If girls with big boobs work at Hooters where do girls with only one leg work at?

IHOP!

Where do little jokes come from?

Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock.

(I made this up myself, I’m really proud of it)

Where do you find a cow with now legs?

Wherever you left it

Where do pirates get their hooks?

The second hand store.

Where do suicide bombers go after they die?

Everywhere.

Where do you weigh Whales?

At the whale weigh station.

Where do mansplainers get their water?

From a well, actually.

A redneck's father passed away in his sleep. So in the morning, he calls 911 to come pick up the body. The 911 operator told him that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator. He replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."

The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?
There was a long pause and finally he said, "How 'bout if I drag him over to Oak Street and you pick him up there?"

Where do BAD rainbows go?

Where do BAD rainbows go?

To Prism......It's a light sentence, but it gives them time to refract.

When you go to the hospital, where do they insert the IV for fluids?

In your forearm.

Where do you take someone who has been injured in a Peak-A-Boo accident?

To the I-C-U

I lost the bar trivia contest last night by one point. The last question was, "Where do women have the curliest hair?"

Apparently the correct answer is, Fiji.

Where do atheists donate their money?

Non Prophet Organizations

Where do horse go when they get sick?

To the horse-pital.

>! Just kidding, they get shot. !<

I lose my White friends in the snow, I lose my Black friends at night, I lose my Asian friends in the sand, where do I lose my Arab friends?

In an explosion.

Where do James Bond Actors go when they die?

00Heaven

Where do naughty rays of light go?

Prism

(Note: I made this joke up. Sorry if this little note refracts from the humour.)

Where do bad rainbows go?

Prism.

Where do pirates store their computer data?

In an ARRay.

Where do flies go for a holiday?

Flywaii
(please don't down vote me too much, my 6 year old daughter made up this joke and wanted me to post it).

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Where do pornstars go to school ?

F.U.

where do you find a cow with no legs?

>!\--right where you left it.!<

I was doing a pretend job interview with my 6 year old daughter and I asked her, “where do you see yourself in 5 years?”

She said: “in a mirror”



This really happened and I still laugh every time I think about it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Where do duck farts come from?

Their buttquacks.

Where do superheroes hang out?

Cape Town

Where do the fish keep their money?

In the river bank

When pigs fly, where do they take off and land?

The airpork.

Where do psychics buy their crystal balls?

The Seers Catalogue

A joke my 10yr old sister has been repeating five times a day: where do cows live?

Moo York.

Dad, where do baby skeletons come from?

Well son, when a girl skeleton and a boy skeleton love each other very much, they bone!

Where do dogs go when they need a new tail?

A re-tail store.

I think it’s such a cute joke, it’s one of my favs :)

Where do you hide after a murder?

Behind a badge.

Where do electricians go when their job is done?

They go h-ohm.

Where do insects shop at?

The Flea Market!

If your girlfriend's dad ever angrily asks "where do you get off"

"In your daughter" is the wrong answer

Where do file transfers get drunk?

The progress bar.

Where do owls stay on their vacations?

in a hootel

Where do deer go to meet their celebrity crushes?

Starbucks

Where do little jokes come from?

Well, a dad joke meets yo momma joke and then they knock knock.

Where do vampires get their pencils?

Pencilvania!

Where do you learn to make ice cream?

At Sundae school.

Where do you put toxic celebrities that just can't cut it anymore?

Haz-bins.

Where do Peek-a-boo patients go?

The ICU.

Where do the smart fish hang out?

A think tank.

Where do the smart fishermen catch em from?

A scholar ship.

Where do math teachers go on vacation?

To time square.

Where do you keep your badge at a Star Trek convention?

On a Lanyard Nimoy

Where do potty-mouthed Eastern Europeans come from?

Vulgaria

Where do sheep get their haircut?

At the Bah-Bah-Shop

Where do DJs do their research?

Wiki-wiki-wikipedia

Where do dads store all of their jokes?

In the Dadabase

Where does Senator Josh Hawley do his shopping?

At the flee market.

Where do pirates play videogames?

The arrrrghcade!

Where do men with erectile dysfunction go to find a job?

Ubisoft

Where do admins go for summer break?

Banned camp.

Where do spiders seek health advice

WebMD

My son rushed into my room and asked me, "DADDY! WHERE DO BABIES COME FROM?"

me, being the good father I am, simply replied: "son, you're 40 years old. how do you not know this already? get a job already."

Where do judges go during recess?

The courtyard

Where do cats stand when they want to buy a train ticket?

In the FEE-line.

Tell me, Sherlock, where do lemons come from?

A lemon tree, dear Watson.

Where do you find a Himalayan cat?

You’ll find him-a-layin on the couch

Where do you keep the rebellious chicken?

In the coup

Where do you weigh a pie?

Somewhere, Over The Rainbow!

Where do animals go when their tails fall off?

Retail store. I know I'm lame.

Where do polar bears keep their money?

In a snowbank.

Where do people suffering from lycanthropy buy their clothes?

Werewolves of London

Where do they record all the dad jokes?

In the Daddabase.

Where do you buy anti-fart medicine?

At the defartment store.

Where do college age vampires shop?

Forever 21

Where do Snowmen do their Christmas Shopping?

The winternet

Where do clowns get their air from

The Bozone layer

Where do Siths do their shopping?

At the Darth Mall

Where do the best mathematicians live?

Times Square.

Where do you stand on abortion?

just above the uterus and jump a little

Where do spirits buy food?

The ghostery store

where do ghosts live?

Boo york

Where do Soviet nerds gather?

At Commie-Con.

Where do music loving cats go to for vacation

Sing-a-purr
(I know it’s cheap, I’ll see myself out)

Where do you find a horse with no legs?

Where you left him.

Told to me today by a first grader.

Where do cantaloupes go in summertime?

John Cougar Mellencamp

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Where do pessimistic Jews go to worship?

A cynicgogue

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