UPJOKE

Where Did Jokes

Where did Captain Hook buy his hook at?

The second hand store.

Where did Noah keep his bees?

In the ark hives

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one asked - Where did you get such a great bike?

The second one replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike".

She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want".

The first engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice, the...

Where did Robin Hood buy flowers?

Sherwood Florist

Where did the IT guy go?

He probably ransomeware

Where did the Mexican man hide when he was scared?

Hispanic room

Where did Little Timmy go after getting lost in the minefield?

Everywhere.

It's a pretty dark joke, but it got really bright for a second.

Where did the guinea pig end up when it came out of the closet?

Gnawnia

Where did little Timmy go after stepping on a landmine?

Everywhere.

Where did the frugal judge sent the criminal?

To the pennytentiary.

Where did the computer mouse go to get a drink?

The spacebar

And you know I’ve been to a couple spacebars before, they’re all exactly the same. Great food, no atmosphere.

"Officer, where did the hacker escape?"

"I'm not sure sir, he used the backdoor and ransomware"

Where did the flock of seagulls go for vacation?

Iran, so far away.

Where did Sally go during the school bombing?

Everywhere.

Where did Kermit the Frog kiss Miss Piggy?

Under the mistletoad

Where did the mosquito bite?

A couple was watching a movie in a dark theatre. A mosquito entered the girl's skirt. Where did it bite??



>!On the guy's hand!!!<

Where did the whale go when it was bankrupt?

To the loan shark.

Where did the guinea pig go when the pet shop exploded?

Everywhere.

Where did the drunk owl end up?

Owlcoholics Hoooononymous.

Ironically my ex-wife ended up in rehab for alcohol abuse less than a month after coming up with and telling her this joke.

Where did Frodo find evidence that the elves were Scientologists?

In Elrond’s Cupboard

Where did the boiling water go?

It's a mistery.

Where Did The General Keep His Armies?

In his sleevies.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Where did you last have sex?

A man calls into a radio station contest to win two tickets to Hawaii. He gets through and the DJs tell him the rules. The DJs are going to ask him a question and then call his wife and ask her the same question. If their answers match then the couple win the tickets. The man acknowledges the rules ...

Where did Suzy go after getting lost in a minefield?

Everywhere

Where did Prince Charles go on his first honeymoon?

Indiana

Where did zombies go for a family meal?

Headquarters

Where did Buzz feed learn to click bait so well from?

Me

Where did the hipster drown?

In the mainstream

Where did the memes make their last stand?

The Aylmao.

Where did the idea of the screwdriver originate from?

Phillip's Head.

Where did Harry Styles go to school?

Watermelon Sugar High

Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano!

Where did the first bakery open?

On the yeast coast.

Where did Jeffrey Epstein go to college?

Brigham Young

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Baby whale : "Dad, where did I come from?"

Dad whale: "You came from my penis, son"

Baby whale : "Ok cool. Thanks, Dad"

Dad whale : "You're whale cum"

Where did the 'T' in "British" go?

In the Boston Harbor

Where did the "T" in Bri'ish go?

they drank it all



im such a comedian

Where did the poor Italian man grow up?

The spaghetto

Where did the researcher keep all of his dad jokes?

In a dad-a-base.

Where did Harry Potter buy a white radish?

At daikon alley

Where did the hackers go when they escaped?

No idea, they just ransomware

Where did Axl Rose get arthritis?

In his Sha-na-na-na-na knees knees

Where did the two bananas settle their legal dispute?

The court of A-peels

Where did Phil Collins record all his songs?

In the Stu-Stu-Studio

Where did the Indian go for breakfast?

The New Delhi

Where did you come from?

A couple years ago, one night I was about to propose to my girlfriend when my roommate Joseph out of nowhere barged into the room, tripped, and fell head first onto the glass coffee table. Totally killed the vibe, now I didn't know Joseph that well, don't even remember where he was from, let's just ...

Where did all the communists go?

They left.

Where did the Terminator find extra toilet paper?

Aisle B, back.

Where did Montezuma go to college?

Az Tech

Where did the square go after killing the triangle?

To prism.

Where did the little Asian girl go when the little boy dropped by?

Everywhere.

Where did the Wifi router go?

He went data way.

Where did Vegans come from?

Hummus Sapiens

Where did the pen go for holiday?

He went to pencil-vania

Where did Jesus create drugs?

Methlehem

Man talking to his wife and asks “honey, where did you place the broken condoms?”

Wife: please stop referring to our kids as broken condoms, and they are at football practice

A man goes before Saint Peter...

Saint Peter asks 'Where were you born?'
The man thinks for a moment and says 'Austria-Hungary, Lemberg.'
'Where did you go to school?'
'Poland, Lwow.'
'Where were you married?'
'The Ukrainian S.S.R., Lviv.'
Surprised, Saint Peter asks 'Where was your first child born?' ...

Where did dinosaurs get their presents!

Toysaurus

Wife's says "Where did you get that stupid joke?"

Husband "Reddit"

Wife "I know you read it, I meant where...."

Where did the dinosaur have their Bar Mitzvah?

Jewrassic Park

"Daddy, where did Bambi's mom go after she died?"

"Venice, son."

Where did you get this mushroom recipe?

Husband asks his wife.

\- "In a detective novel." she answers.

Where did the mango go?

I don't know, the mango goes where the mangoes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Where did shuttlecocks get their name?

Rocketdick didn't catch on.

Where did the online thief flee to?

I don’t know, he ransomware.

Where did Sauron go to take his driver's test?

The Department of Mordor Vehicles

Where did the pizza and tennis racquet get married?

At the supreme court

Where did the Swedish marathon end?

The Finnish line

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Where did Hitler keep his armies?

...
...
...
In his sleeves.


Okay, how did he tie his shoesies?
...
...
...
With little knotsies!

So where did he keep his OTHER armies?
...
...
...
Poland.

Where did the blonde with a drinking problem go?

To the Automobiles Association.

Where did the Athenian keep his amphora?

In the Attica

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Where did ya come from, Wooden Eye Joe

A nervous man with a wooden eye is alone at a dance

He's too poor to afford a proper eye so he's really insecure about it and has trouble talking to women. At the dance he sees this pretty looking lady also standing alone across the room, he notices she has these kind of big ears so he thinks...

Where did the microbiologist go after receiving his PhD?

...to a cell-laboratory gathering

Where did the two hamburgers go to dance?

The meatball

Where did Noah put the penguins on the ark?

In the arctic section.

Note: my 7 yr old grand daughter made this up on the spot, after I told her this joke:
Where did Noah put the bees on the ark?
In the archives.

I think she's pretty clever.

Wife: where did you put the flowers

me: in the door

wife: what? how?

me: relax, it's easy cause the door is a jar

Where did the perviest king lived?

In Cumalot

Where did Napoleon keep his armies?

In order to concentrate superior combat strength in one place,
economy of force must be exercised in other places.
Economy of force requires the acceptance of prudent risks in
selected areas to achieve superiority at the point of decision.
One account has it that Napoleon allowed a subor...

Where did the peeping Tom go when he fell out of a tree and broke his foot?

The I.C.U.

(Courtesy my nephew)

Where did the ghost go to for his vacation?

He went to Maliboo

Where did the Australian go To die?

Not sure, but I know where they went yesterdai

"Hey, that's a cool looking Olympic medal. How did you win it? Where did you win it? What material is it made from?"

"Iran."

Where did two typists go for a drink?

To a spacebar.

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