UPJOKE

When Life Jokes

What do you do when life hands you melons?

Acknowledge you may have dyslexia.

When life gives you melons...

You might be dyslexic.

When life hands you High Fructose Corn Syrup, Citric Acid, Ascorbic Acid, Maltodextrin, Sodium Acid Pyrophosphate, Magnesium Oxide, Calcium Furmarate, Yellow #5, Tocopherol and less than 2% natural flavors...

...make lemonade.

When life is over, what body part is the last to stop working?

The pupils.

They dilate.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When life gives you a last chance...

A Russian and an Irish wrestler were set to square off for the Olympic gold medal. Before the match, the Irish wrestler's trainer came to him and said, "Now, don't forget all the research we've done on this Russian. He's never lost a match because of this 'pretzel' hold he has. It ties you up in kno...

When life brings you lemon

You must be Jamaican

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When life hands you lemons...

Squirt ‘em on your dick before sex to indicate any lesions.

When life closes a door

Open it back up; sort of how doors work.

When life gives you lemons

Freeze them and throw them as hard as you can at the people making your life difficult

When life gets you down, remember the immortal words of Monty Python.

NOBODY EXPECTS THE SPANISH INQUISITION!

When life starts

A Priest, a Muslim and a Rabbi are having a discussion. They are trying to determine the exact point when life starts. The Muslim argues that life starts at conception. The Priest disagrees and says that life starts at birth. The Rabbi turns to the two men and says, you are both wrong. When the dog ...

When life gives you HIV

you make koolaids

"When life gives you lemons...

Don't make lemonade! Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don't want your damn lemons! What am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life's manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I'm the man whose gonna burn your house down -...

When life gives you lemons...

... a simple surgery can give you melons.

My friends say when life gets rough, vodka isn’t the answer

But I say it’s worth a shot.

When life gives you lemons...

...take advantage of lemon law.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When life gives you lemons...

Get a job and stop worrying abt ur fuckin’ lemons

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade; when life gives you apples, make physics equations

F=ma

Well my father always told me, "when life gives you lemons,

chances are you're in the fruit aisle and shouldn't overthink the situation

When life gets tough, I think about my parents...

I take it on the chin like my mum, and just move on like my dad.

When life gives you a coconut ...

You keep it away from redditors

My dad always said: "When life gets you down, shred cheese."

That was grate advice.

When life hands you lemons.....Make lemonade

Then, find someone for whom life has handed them Vodka....

When life gives you lemons...

Peel one of the lemons in front of the others... You know, to send a message.

When Life gives you a cheese grater...

You hold it up and say, 'Life's grate'.

What did the dyslexic man do when life gave him lemons?

He made melon-ade

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My doctor gave me 6 months, so I shot him.

## The judge gave me 60 years!


 

 

 


### My (other) favorite one liners:

1. I’ve had amnesia for as long as I can remember.

1. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A ripoff.

1. French tanks have five rever...

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