UPJOKE

When I Grow Up Jokes

Me: I want to be a mirror cleaner when I grow up

Mum: why’s that?

Me: It’s something I can see myself doing

Mum: ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy asks his mom, “When I grow up will I have two penises like daddy?”

Mom: Daddy doesn’t have two penises son

Son: Sure he does! He has the little one he uses to pee and the big one he uses to brush the babysitter’s teeth!

Little Boy: Daddy I want to be like president Trump when i grow up!

Dad: "Well pick one son, you can't do both"

Child: Dad I want to be a plumber when I grow up

Dad: That’s a very low goal. Have some ambition

Child: How about being a doctor?

Dad: That’s right!

Child: Or a teacher, a prison guard, a gym trainer....

Dad: HAVE YOU BEEN USING MY COMPUTER?

Kid says to mom “when I grow up I wanna be a drummer!”

Mom says “you can’t do both!”

I'm 66 years old, and I'm just beginning to understand what I want to be when I grow up.

So, I guess that makes me a late boomer.

My dad asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up

I said " I want to be an astronaut like the great Neil Armstrong, but instead of going to the moon I'm going to the sun!"

My father called me a dumbass, he told me the sun was too hot and nobody can go to the sun because they will die.

I told him " You're the dumbass pops! I'm going ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mom, I want to be a prostitute when I grow up.

"Mom, I want to be a prostitute when I grow up." Said the Irish girl.

"A what?" Replied the mother with a startled expression on her face.

"A prostitute."

"Oh, a prostitute. Thank god, I thought you said a Protestant."

I told my mom that when I grow up, I want to be a musician.

She said “don’t be silly, you know you can’t do both!”

Having dinner last night, my six-year-old turned to me and said, 'Dad, when I grow up, I'm gonna marry you.'

We laughed about it. Then my wife said, 'Don't make the same mistake I did.'

When I grow up I want to be a hitman

I hear they make a killing

"Mum, when I grow up, I want to be a serial killer!"

"Don't do that, honey: you don't know how to properly clean up after yourself."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I grow up and have kids...

I think I will stay a virgin to set a good example.

Mrs. Patel was reading little Rajinder a bedtime story. He asked, "what will I be when I grow up?" She replied, "you can be anything you want to be."

"Anything?" he asked.

"Yes, you can be anything you want to be. You can be a cardiologist, radiologist, anesthesiologist, neurologist...."

When I grow up I want to be a veterinarian then go into the army, and become a veteran so I can become...

A Vet Vet

Son: When I grow up I want to be like Christopher Columbus.

Dad: An explorer? That’s great, son.

Son: No, I want to get lost, spread diseases, steal tobacco and still be celebrated.

I want to be just like my father when I grow up

Dead.

[musician joke] Kid says to dad, "Dad, I want to be a musician when I grow up."

His father replies, "Sorry, Son: You can't have it both ways."

[attrib: Andy Stein on one of the PHC "Joke Shows"]

My friends always laughed at me when I told them that I want to become a comedian when I grow up....

Well, no one's laughing now.

When I grow up and have kids in a couple of decades. I won't be worried when the day comes they ask for for the newest released M rated game. I'm confident I won't even need to play its unsuitable.

I mean I've played GTA 5 before.

While Pluto was playing with the dishes

It said" When I grow up i wanna move plates just like Earth."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It's Career Week in the parochial school...

(OK, real old one but=)

It's Career Week in the parochial school. One day, when all the parents who've come to explain their jobs have done their presentations and gone, Sister Mary Domino has some time to kill, so she has the children stand up, one at a time, and say what THEY want to be wh...

After watching the Olympics, a little boy says to his mom, "When I grow up, I want to be like Ryan Lochte!"

She says, "Honey, you can't have it both ways."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Put all your disgusting jokes here.

Heres one: Jimmy is playing in his room when a wormhole opens up and Jimmy 30 years from now gets out.

Younger Jimmy says,' Wow! What do I become when I grow up?'

'A pedophile' Older Jimmy says as he locks the door.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A class 5 teacher asked her students to make rhymes with their names

Sam:
My name is Sam,
When I grow up to be a man,
I want to go to Russia and Japan,
If I can, If I can, If I can

Candy:
My name is Candy,
When I grow up to be a lady,
I want to have a baby
If I can, if I can, if I can

Dan:
My name is Dan.
When I grow up to ...

A six-year-old girl runs into her backyard and sees her neighbor raking leaves...

She runs to him and says proudly “My mommy taught me all about politics today!”

“That’s great! So are you a Republican or a Democrat?” he asks.

“A demmycrat!”

“Why’s that?”

“Well, demmycrats believe in helping the poor. So they take some money from everyone and give it ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sister Catherine is asking all the Catholic school children in fourth grade what they want to be when they grow up.

Little Sheila says:
"When I grow up, I want to be a prostitute!" Sister Catherine's eyes grow wide and she barks: "What the **** did you say?"
"A prostitute!" Sheila repeats. Sister Catherine breathes a sight of relief and says: "Thank God! I thought you said a Protestant"

The Tale of Arnold Chegwin

When Arnold Chegwin was a young man, he decided that he wanted to be a pub.
He loved the pub after spending time in his local, "The Queen's Arms". 'I'd love to be a pub', he would think.
With a roaring fire and everybody inside me laughing away...

As time passed and he grew older, he se...

What "being a man" is about

A little boy asks his father: "Dad, what does it mean to be a man". The father replies: "well son, being a man means that you're the person in control of the situation, you're the one who takes all the important decisions".

"Well" - the kid answers - "then I hope to be a great man when I gro...

Triplets

There are triplets in a mothers womb, talking about what they want to do when they grow up.

The first triplet says "When I grow up, I will be an electrician, because it's too dark in here."

The second triplet says "When I grow up, I will be a plumber, because it's too wet in here."...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Billy was sleeping in his room

Billy was sleeping in his room when suddenly a flash of light appeared. A man was then standing in Billy's room. Billy was amazed.

Billy asked ''Who are you?''

The man responded with "I'm you from the future"

Billy was amazed to be able to meet his future self.

He asked ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Colonel Isaev, a veteran of the Great Patriotic War, is invited to a school in Leningrad

He is telling the children about his days as a soldier in the Red Army and his war exploits. When he finishes, he asks the children if they have any questions.

Vovochka raises his hand, and the teacher tenses up.

"When I grow up, I want to be an intelligence officer and protect my Glor...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three boys sitting on a curb...

Three boys sitting on a curb looking across the street at a Porsche, Corvette, and a Mercedes Benz.
The first one says, 'When I grow up, I want to be a football star so I can buy me a Porsche just like that one'.
The second one replies, 'When I grow up, I want to be a famous actor so I can buy...

A child point his finger at a toy plane attached to the ceiling

And he says to his mum “mum I really want to be like that airplane when I grow up!”

His mother: “why? Because it flies really high?”

Him:”no, because it’s hanging from the ceiling”

When I was a kid I used to pray for a bike daily.

When I grow up, I realized that God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness?

Marriage

A young son and his father were talking about marriage. The boy said, “When I grow up, I’m going to marry grandma.” The father replied, “You can’t marry her, she’s my mother!” The boy replied, “So? You married mine!”

A boy and a girl are playing naked in the sand, when the boy starts laughing at the girl that she does not have a peepee. The girl just grins and says...

When I grow up, I will have as many peepees as I like.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Career Day

I had just finished serving a wedding liturgy, when one of the groomsmen told the priest a joke I thought I'd share.

There's a Catholic grade school in Ireland, and Sister Mary Agnes teaches the first grade students. One day, she asks what they'd all like to be when they grow up. Little Eliza...

Bless you son!!!

(Perhaps a repost, but I heard it for the first time. So here it goes)

A small boy talking to his mother while his dad sits nearby.

Boy: Mom, I want to marry 3 girls when I grow up.

Mom: 3 girls!! But why son?

Boy: One to cook food for me, one to do my laundry and one to ...

One day a kid meets a firefighter who was getting out of his shift

The kid tells the firefighter “I want to be a firefighter when I grow up too!”
The firefighter responds with “ oh really kid?”
The kid responds with “yea follow me mister I’ll show you!”
So the kid and the firefighter go to the kids house and the firefighter sees a helmet, vest, wagon, and ...

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