UPJOKE

What Kind Jokes

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What kind of sex does a priest have?

Nun

What kind of doctor is Dr. pepper?

A fizzician!


I’ll see myself out






Edit: I guess adding mentos to this joke was a good idea...

Thanks for the gold and silvers!

Happy New Years y’all!

What kind of car does Jesus drive?

A Chrysler

What kind of car does Jesus drive? A Christler. Oh no. Wait..

He drove a Honda.
But he didn't like talking about it.

John 12:49 :
> For I did not speak of my own Accord.

What kind of exercise do lazy people do?

Diddly-squats.

Two windmills are standing in a field and one asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?"

The other says, "I'm a big metal fan"

What kind of candy do you offer a woman with a foot fetish?

Mentos

What kind of weed do reptiles smoke?

Mariguana.

If atheism was a business, what kind of business would it be?

A Non-Prophet organization.

what kind of dinosaur has the cleanest teeth?

A Flossiraptor

Courtesy of my 6-year old.

what kind of fish is made up of 2 atoms only?

2Na

If a bluebird has blue babies and a redbird has red babies, what kind of bird has no babies?

A swallow

What kind of dog can stay underwater for a long time?

A subwoofer

What kind of doctor was Dr. Pepper?

A FIZZICIAN.

What kind of doctor is always on call?

An oncologist!


...


I made this one up last night but I'm sure someone has thought of it before.

What kind of eclipse is it when the sun moves in front of the moon?

An Apocaclipse.

What kind of monkey only stands 7 inches tall?

Macaque.

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What kind of porn do roosters watch?

Hen-tai

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Click to find out what kind of motherfucker you are

•
•
You a curious motherfucker.

What kind of music do balloons really hate?

*POP* music

What kind of drug should dinosaurs never take?

A steroid.

What kind of music do wind turbines like?

They're huge metal fans

What kind of running means walking?

Running out of gas!

not NSFW: Watson sees Sherlock Holmes planting a tree and asks him, "What kind of tree are you planting?"

Holmes: "A lemon tree my dear watson"

What kind of berries are these?

\- What kind of berries are these?

\- These are red Currants

\- Then Why are they yellow?

\- Because they are green



Joke explanation for those who didn't understand really fun and smart joke.

So this joke is from Lithuania (it is a country in Europe) So fo...

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What kind of poops do Stick Bugs make?

Dowel Movements.

(an original from my 10 year old)

What kind of condoms do frogs use?

Ribbed.

What kind of grades did Tommy Wiseau get in school?

Oh, high marks

What kind of coffee do they serve in a cat cafĂŠ?

affoGato

What kind of eel hits your eye like a big pizza pie?

That's a Moray.

What kind of shoes commonly fail drug tests?

High heels

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What kind of shoes does a pedophile wear?

White Vans.

I'll be here all week.

What kind of meat do priests eat on Friday?

Nun.

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What kind of shoes do paedophiles wear?

White vans

Asked a guy what kind of music he likes. He told me he's really into "blackgaze"

I should have asked him how it's spelled before I googled it.

What kind of tree fits in your hands

A palm tree

what kind of fish works in a hospital?

A sturgeon

What kind of doctor was Dr. Huxtable on the Cosby Show?

Anesthesiologist

What kind of diet does an overweight astronaut go on?

A low orbit diet

What kind of vehicle does a pirate drive?

An Arrrggghhh ... V.

What kind of drink can be bitter and sweet?

Reali-tea.

What kind of sunglasses does Ned Flanders wear?

Oakley Dokelys

what kind of music sinks to the bottom of the ocean

Heavy rock

What kind of cheese did OceanGate serve on its sub?

The Brie

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What kind of women are computer programmers attracted to?

BASIC bitches, obviously..

I went on safari with a guide that had a speech impediment. When I asked him what kind of hat he wore he said “Pith Helmet.”

Later on when he said his helmet was wet and stinky I said: “that’s because I pithed in it!”

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What kind of pet shop is this?

Joe loved his dog. Only one problem - his dog wasn’t housebroken. Joe tried everything, read every dog training book, bought every device on the market. But the dog was untrainable. Finally, he saw an ad for a pet shop that guaranteed results. Desperate, he gave it a try.

The pet shop was ve...

What kind of ice cream do they sell at airports

Plain ice cream

What kind of car runs on leaves?

An autumn-mobile!

What kind of maracas do skeletons play?

The death rattle.

What kind of martial arts do monkeys do?

Flungpoo

What kind of degree does a shipyard recieve?

A dock-torate

What kind of car is the same frontward and backward?

A Toyota.




First post ever on Reddit. I hope I did it right.

What kind of doctor has to show up whenever they're needed, day or night?

An on-callogist

What kind of shoes does Optimus Prime wear?

Truck Taylors

What kind of beer does Indiana Jones drink to reinforce his courage?

A Rolling Rock!

What kind of neighborhood was Monty Python’s Ministry of Silly Walks located in?

A gaited community.

What kind of instrument would a plant play?

A photosynthesizer.

What kind of wreaths do fish hang on their doors?

Coral wreaths

What kind of car did Mr. Miyagi drive?

Focus, Daniel-san

What kind of clothing do Karens wear?

A lawsuit.

What kind of cereal does Ronda Rousey eat?

Kix

What kind of belly does a stoner have?

A pot belly!

What kind of investments does a clown make?

Laughing stocks!!

What kind of phones do squids use?

CephaliPods

What kind of car does a sushi chef drive?

Rolls Rice

What kind of sweater do cops wear?

A pullover.

What kind of car racing comes from Mexico?

Formula Juan

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what kind of bee produces milk?

a boobee

What kind of fuel does an X-ray machine use?

Unleaded

What kind of animal makes the best shrinks?

Owls. They genuinely give a hoot.

What kind of tea is easiest to make?

A simplici-tea.

What kind of tea is most calming?
A sereni-tea.

And what kind od tea is most bitter?
A reali-tea.

what kind of pasta does a cow eat?

moodles

What kind of tea is hard to swallow?

reality

What kind of coffee did Italians most enjoy during the 1940s?

Oppresso.

What kind of pirate pees on you?

Rrrrrrrr Kelly

What kind of drugs do birds do?

Crowcaine

What kind of shark only hunts people?

A loan shark!!

What kind of pants does Jesse Pinkman wear under his lab coat?

Science Britches!

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What kind of flowers do you get someone that's just had a labiaplasty?

Tulips

What kind of horse goes out after dusk?

Night mares

What kind of bee can't make up its mind?

A maybe!

How did the drag queens decide what kind of sauce base to make?

They took a roux poll

What kind of phone gets someone thrown in a Romanian prison?

A self-own

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What kind of bees make milk?

Boobies.

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What kind of Bees produce milk?

There is no creature for which this is more true than the honey bee. Amazingly, queen bees are genetically exactly identical to worker bees. But they’re fed a different diet from worker bees their whole lives, from the time they are tiny larvae, until the day they die. This different meal plan cause...

What kind of key opens a banana?

A mon-key

What kind of jewelry do rabbits wear?

14 carrot gold

What kind of paper is always thirsty?

Parchment

What kind of jokes do laundry like?

Dry Humor

What kind of car do you drive before you hijack an airline?

A DB Mini Cooper

What kind of bun always goes to hell?

A cinnabun!

What kind of bait cannot be used for fishing?

The Answer Will Shock You!

What kind of cheese is made backwards?

Edam

what kind of kung fu, would you use to stop Russia?

You Crane.

Do you know what kind of bra is my favourite kind of bra?

The one on the floor!
I'm kidding, I'm kidding, it's the type of bra that only serves dyslexic people.

My own dyslexic joke!
\#OC

What kind of pasta is served at Forrest Gumps restaurant?

Penn-ay!

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What kind of balls does Elon Musk have?

Teslacles.

3 engineers are arguing about what kind of engineer God is......

and the mechanical engineer says, "Just look at the muscular system, all the fluid dynamics and joints. God was clearly a mechanical engineer." To which the electrical engineer says. "No, no, no, just look at the nervous system! The way impulses are sent all over the body and how the brain stores in...

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