UPJOKE

What If Jokes

If a pro lifer asks "What if Mary aborted Jesus"?

Replying "it would have sped things along" isn't the answer they were looking for.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What if trees had breasts?

It wood be nice, wooden tit.

So what if I can’t spell Armmagedon?

It’s not the end of the world.

So what if I don't know what "apocalypse" means.

It's not like it's the end of the world

What if the helium goes to the bar?

Helium walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve nobles here." Helium does not react.

What if the real reason aliens don't visit us is because...

...we're a one star planet?

What I if told you

What if I told you you read the title wrong

"What if women ruled the world?"

"They do, do you know what a wife is?"

What if God appeared on Twitter

And said 'It's pronounced Jod'

Then went offline

?

What if the last words of the bible were

"... you had to be there."

What if...

What if you were being held at gunpoint by a literate animal (bear with me), and your only hope of escaping (BEAR WITH ME) was by posting a coded message

What if Darth Vader were Dutch?

"Luke, I am your vader."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What if you run around a tree with the speed of light?

You can fuck yourself

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Son: Dad, what if one day all the women disappeared?

Dad: That's gonna be a pain in the ass.

What if aliens are responsible for global warming?

And this is just their way of breaking the ice.

What if the Americans switched from pounds to kilograms overnight?

It would be a Mass confusion

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