UPJOKE

What Happens If Jokes

Paratrooper: What happens if my parachute doesn't open?

Sergeant: Bring it back and we'll give you a new one.

What happens if you you cross an angry cow with an angry sheep?

You get two animals that are in a *baaaad moooood.*

What happens if a Danish blonde moves to Sweden?

The average intelligence of both countries goes up.

What happens if you boil your funny bone?

You make a laughing stock of yourself :)

I asked my parachute instructor what happens if it doesn't open.

He said you're jumping to a conclusion.

What happens if a frog parks illegally?

It gets toad.

Give a man a fish he eats for a day. What happens if you teach a man to duck?

He avoids walking into a bar.

What happens if you don't pay your exorcist?

You get repossessed.

What happens if you commit a crime in Australia?

Oh please, they're a modern country. You go to jail unless you are a politician.

What happens if you violate the ban on wordplay?

Pun-ishment.

What happens if you drive a Subaru in reverse?

U R A Bus!

What Happens If 3 Logicians Go to a Bar?

Three semanticians walk into a bar. The bartender asks: "Do you all want a drink?". The first semantician says: " I don't know". The second semantician says: " I don't know". The third semantician says: "Yes!" And the bartender gave everyone drinks.

What happens if you cross Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Phillip?

You die in a car accident in Paris.

Courtesy of my 7 year old - What happens if you don't eat a balanced diet?

You will tip over

What happens if Usain Bolt misses his bus?

He waits for it at the next stop.

What happens if you castrate a corn cob?

It becomes a Eunuch-Corn

What happens if you play a country song backwards?

You get your girl back. You get your truck back. You get your dog back

I've got a joke about what happens if you shoot an archduke...

...but it's a bit over the top lads.

what happens if you spank dwayne johnson

you hit rock bottom

What happens if you take cat hormones?

You get fur balls

What happens if you drop a nuclear weapon on a dyslexic person?

It's unclear.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens if you multiply faeces by the complex conjugate of faeces?

Shit gets real.

What happens if you touch Dwayne Johnson's ass?

You hit rock-bottom

What happens if you smoke weed in Saudi Arabia?

You get stoned

What happens if someone slaps you at a high frequency?

It Hertz

What happens if John Wick is recast?

Keanu Leaves

What happens if you inject a particular kind of sea creature with steroids?

You’ve made yourself a very powerful anemone

What happens if you put the Energizer bunny's batteries backwards?

He keeps on coming, and coming, and coming...

What happens if you fart in church?

You have to sit in your own pew.

What happens if you kiss a bird?

You get chirpies. But it’s okay because it tweetable!

Baby Roach: "Papa, what happens if the humans spray us with Raid?"

Papa Roach: "Suffocation. No breathing."

What happens if a cow drinks her own milk?

It goes in one end and out the udder.

What happens if we increased earth’s gravity?

Sadly, everyone will be so down

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know what happens if you scream "Bloody Mary" 3 times in the mirror, at 3am?

Your mom will tell you to shut the fuck up and go to bed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens if you jingle Santa’s balls

A white Christmas

What happens if all the woman disappeared?

That would be a pain in the ass

Do you know what happens if we put human DNA in chimapanzees?

We get banned from the zoo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens if u give a lawyer viagra?

He grows.





But seriously: what do lawyers use for birth control?


Their business card.

What happens if you eat 3.14159265359 cakes?

Fat. You get fat.

What happens if you slap a tuning fork?

It hertz

What happens if you stick a fork in an outlet?

The answer might shock you...

What happens if you spray deodorant in your mouth?

You get a weird *Axe scent*

What happens if you throw a charged battery at someone?

You will get charged with battery.

What happens if you severely overclock a PC?

It goes up in frames!

What happens if you don't turn on your computer for a year

It loses it's drive

What happens if you mate a rhinoceros and an elephant?

El-iph-ino.

What happens if someone throws a computer at you?

It mega hurts...

I'll leave now sorry

What happens if you chop off your left hand?

Your right hand is left.

What happens if the average number of bullies at a school goes up?

The mean increases.

What happens if you sell a used watch?

It becomes second handed.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens if you masturbate in outer space?

Your orgasm would be out of this world.

What happens if the hero of time gets kidnapped?

He becomes the missing link

What happens if you tighten a Bolt too much?

You bust a Nut

What happens if you try to sit on Death's couch?

There will be grim reaper cushions

What happens if your cake day bomb ends the world?

Karmageddon.

What happens if a cop catches you peeing outside?

Urine trouble.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens if you put a dildo in the oven?

You get dill bread.

What happens if you rear-end a Subaru?

You'll be seeing stars

What happens if you water the water

It grows

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know what happens if you eat gold?

Au shit

What happens if you strangle an Eevee to death?

It evolves into Epsteineon.

What happens if you goose a ghost?

You get a handful of sheet!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens if you give your therapist some space?

You get fucked.

What happens if you drop a computer on your feet?

It hertz

What happens if you laugh at a joke that doesn't have gold?

You lgh at it.

What happens if you tease a Vietnamese person?

They get hanoid.

what happens if you can't go to the bathroom?

Urine toruble

What happens if you hump a whale?

They humpback

Math teacher: What happens if you take 20% off of seven?

Student: It becomes even.

What happens if a European chameleon turns blue?

It's arrested for violating EU regulations

What happens if your blood goes up 0.2 pH?

You are BASICally dead

What happens if a writer drinks too much and writes too little?

His iron-y becomes rust-y

What happens if you’re caught peeing in public?

You’ll be arrested for violating the penal code.

What happens if you drink bleach?

You *basically* die.

What happens if Mike Tyson carries around Mjölnir all day?

He gets thor arms!

What happens if a pirate abuses his parrots?

The Yarrr-SPCA come and take them away.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens if you have an orgasm at the same time you die

You come and go

What happens if you listen to metal too loudly?

You become Megadeaf

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens if you mix up viagra and laxatives?

It makes you crap in bed.

What happens if you don't pay the priest, who comes to exorcise your haunted house?

Your house gets repossessed.

What happens if you put an iphone in the blender?

You get Apple juice.

What happens if you put a bell on a skunk's tail?

Jingle smells.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens if you go around a pole at the speed of light?

You will fuck yourself both literally and metaphorically.

What happens if you throw a sheep, a drum and a snake down a cliff?

Ba dum tss.

What happens if a redneck bakes himself into a loaf?

He's inbread.

What happens if you get a heart attack on a pirate ship ?

You Sea Pea Arrrrgh !!

Do you know what happens if you make a malware angry?

Malwarebytes.

What happens if America switches from pounds to kilograms overnight?

A mass confusion.

What happens if you hold two yellow balls?

You'll get the undivided attention of Big Bird!

What happens if you put two apartments together?

Togetherments, because they were "ment" to be together.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens if you have too much phone sex?

You get hearing-aids.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens if a politician takes a Viagra?

He gets taller

What happens if you incarcerate a man inside a duct?

He gets inducted.

What happens if you step on a d4?

You take 1d4 damage.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happens if you take the D out of Donald Trump?

America stops getting fucked by Putin.

What happens if the protesters in Egypt win?

They advance to the finals against Tunisia.

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