UPJOKE

What Happened To Jokes

What happened to the Twitter employee, that told Elon Musk not to rename the company?

He became an X employee!

You'll never guess what happened to my foreskin when I went to a Jewish festival the other day?

[/removed]

What happened to king Henry the VIII’s wife’s head?

(removed)

Scientists have finally figured out what happened to all the water that used be Mars

Turns out, the planet was once occupied by Nestle

What happened to Kamala Harris' campaign?

She had the black vote all locked up.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happened to the bank teller that masterbaited in the vault?

He came into a lot of money

What happened to the short sighted circumciser?

He got the sack.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did anybody hear what happened to that guy on the highway?

He pulled up to a gas station to fill up his tank, i guess they were doing maintenance on the pumps and didnt put one back together right, so while he was pumping, the hose popped off the nozzle and started spraying gas all up his arm.

So he went in PISSED. He was cussing, and yelling, eventu...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happened to the Navy soldier who got caught masturbating?

He was dishonourably discharged for discharging dishonourably.

Did you hear what happened to Jimmy?

Did you hear what happened to Jimmy?
He lost a hundred pounds!

American: That’s great news!
Englishman: That’s awful news!

What happened to the fly that started streaming?

He got swatted.

What happened to the handy man when he lost his hands?

He became an army man.

What happened to the plant in the Mathematics Faculty?

It grew square roots.

What happened to Theon Greyjoy's manhood?

[removed]

What happened to the cow that refused to become steaks?

She was grounded.

The French Revolution was pretty rough. Did you hear about what happened to Louis XVI's head?

[Removed]

Do you know what happened to the UPS driver who had an abortion?

She didn’t deliver.

What happened to the man who beat his wife with a musical instrument?

He was charged with domestic violins.

Did you hear what happened to the guy whose left arm and left leg got chopped off?

---

I wish I could find out what happened to my neighbor who couldn't pay his mortgage.

You know, for closure.

What happened to the fraction when it was convicted?

It was drawn and quartered.

What happened to the frog who illegally parked?

He got toad.

What happened to the pirate who started wearing glasses?

People started calling him "Three Eyes."

I know what happened to that crazy frog!

Fame went to it's head. It went so crazy It had to be Kermitted.

What happened to the cannibal who had difficulties eating brains?

The others gave him a hand.

Darling, what happened to the parrot?

– Darling, what happened to the parrot?
– I dunno, Mommy, but I heard the cat talking.

What happened to the student who got kicked out of Hogwarts?

They were exspelled

I asked my proctologist:. What happened to all the patients who had their colonoscopys delayed due to covid.....

He said, "oh we got caught up. Everyone got it in the end".

Did you hear what happened to Jimmy? Tertible! His wife divorced him and left him without a single penny!

\- Well, I have it far worse. Not only is my wife ileaving me without a single penny, she also has absolutely no intention to divorce me.

Did you hear what happened to the top pole-valter in North Korea?

He became the top pole-valter in South Korea.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happened to the angry fly on the toilet seat?

He got pissed off.

What happened to the man who didn’t have a towel after his shower?

He dried of natural causes.

What happened to the writer who could only write with consonants

He was disemvoweled

Did you hear what happened to the butcher?

He accidentally backed into the meat grinder.

He's okay though, he just got a little behind in his work.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happened to the horny square?

He had an E- rectangle.

What happened to the emo

A depressed emo high off shrooms was walking in the forest when he came across a tree with arms. He tried to give him a high-five but the tree left him hanging.

What happened to the overconfident lion-tamer?

He was consumed by his own pride.

What happened to the pumpkin when he became a Jack-o-lantern?

He was gourd to death.

What happened to the first cow to travel through time?

They either went to the future or the pasture.

What happened to the cannibal when he was late to a dinner party?

He got the cold shoulder

What happened to the old mexican when he moved from Houston to Santa Fe?

He became a New Mexican

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happened to the Pope after he went to Mount Olive?

Popeye beat the shit out of him

What happened to the guy who fell into burning coals at the bonfire?

He got really EMBER-ASSED.

What happened to the 2 guys that stole a calendar?

They got 6 months each.

What happened to the Mexican after Donald Trump was elected?

[removed]

What happened to the guy who mixed up his Epilepsy tablets with his laundry tablets?

His clothes don't fit anymore!

What happened to the all of the good chemistry puns?

The best chemistry puns argon.

What happened to the car that got recycled?

It was reincarnated.

What happened to the guy who didn’t pay his exorcist?

His house got re-possessed

What happened to the Indian girl that didn’t want to eat her dinner?

She got sent to bed for naancompliance

What happened to Queens of the Stone Age?

No one knows

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My favorite NSFW Joke: A guy calls his friend, and says "you're not gonna BELIEVE what happened to me last night...

I was walking home from the bar, and I saw this woman tied to the railroad tracks, like in the old silent movies!"

His friend says "that's crazy! So what did you do?"
"Well, I untied her of course! And then I took her home and had sex with her all night long."

His friend says "tha...

What happened to the firefly when he backed into a fan?

He was de-lighted.



(This was one of my Dad's favorite jokes)

What happened to the exhausted horse?

He hit the hay

What happened to Dumbo over time?

He became EarElephant

What happened to Satan’s YouTube channel?

It got demon-itized

Did you hear what happened to the kid who kept getting electrocuted?..

His dad finally grounded him


.

What happened to the intern electrician after accidentally shocking himself bc he forgot to wear PPE?

He was grounded.

What happened to the kitchen robber with a speech impediment

He took too mamy whisks

What happened to the inventor of the inflatable shoe?

He popped his clogs.

Sailor 1: Have you seen what happened to the rope?

Sailor 2: Afraid not

I wonder what happened to Kim Jong Un

Maybe he’s Un-responsive

Dad: Hey, what happened to our neighbor?

Son: She got attacked by a group of mimes

Dad: Oh no, is she okay

Son: No, they did unspeakable things

You know what happened to humanity's most intelligent ancestor?

He decided having kids wasn't worth it.

What happened to the Jewish sleepwalker?

He ‘schlept’.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happened to you?

A man came home from work sporting two black eyes.

“What happened to you?” asked his wife.

“I’ll never understand women,” he replied. “I was riding up an escalator behind this pretty young
girl, and I noticed that her skirt was stuck in the crack of her ass. So I pulled it out, and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man met this lady at a bar and they decided to go to her place to have sex after the bar closed...

They're in the bedroom and he takes off his shoes and
socks."My goodness what happened to you're feet?"She asks.

"I had tolio," He replied.
"Dont you mean polio?" She asks."No. This just affected my feet. It's called toelio."She thought nothing of it and continued to undress.
He tak...

What happened to the USSR in the 1940s?

They were Stalin' behind

What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar?

He got 25 days



(ba dum tsssss)

What happened to the steak that fell down?

It became ground beef

What happened to the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac, lazy, dumb, Reddit /jokes poster?

She stayed up all night reposting that there really isn’t an Ogd.

What happened to the stuttering prisoner?

He didn't finish his sentence!

What happened to the lil cannibal who ate all his classmates?

He passed the third grade.

What happened to the occultist YouTuber?

His account was demon-itized.

Did you hear what happened to the Bald King who couldn't sire any sons?

He died *heir*-less.

What happened to the Professional Writer who had bowel surgery?

He ended up with a semi-colon.

What happened to the angry witch on her broom?

She flew off the handle!

did yall hear what happened to the deaf kid?

nope, neither did he

what happened to the cow when it jumped over the barbed wire fence?

Udder destruction!

What happened to the dollar. Short riddle.

Three friends have a nice meal together, and the bill is $25

The three friends pay $10 each, which the waiter gives to the Cashier

The Cashier hands back $5 to the Waiter

But the Waiter can't split $5 three ways, so he gives the friends one dollar each and keeps 2 dollars as a t...

What happened to Napoleon when he got hit by a cannonball?

He became Napoleon BLOWNapart.

Credits: YT/recycledcitizen

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happened to Hitler when the lights went out

He could Nazi.

What happened to r/showerthoughts?

They went down the drain.

What happened to the car that broke the law?

It was incarcerated.

What happened to Cinderella when she got to the ball

She gagged

What happened to the fire at the campsite?

It got in-tents

What happened to Iron man when he wanted some salt?

He got a divorce form his wife Pepper.

What happened to the two apple trees that were planted together?

They lived appley ever after.

What happened to Tony Stark after he died?

He became Urn Man

What happened to the transphobic subs during the ban wave?

They got TERFed out.

What happened to Batman and Robin when a herd of elephants trampled over them ?

They became Flatman and Ribbon...

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