What happened to the emo

A depressed emo high off shrooms was walking in the forest when he came across a tree with arms. He tried to give him a high-five but the tree left him hanging.

What happened to the car that got recycled?

It was reincarnated.

What happened to the blind circumcisionist?

He got the sack.

People of China, do you want to hear what happened on Tiananmen square in 1989?

No tanks.

What happened when the Saudi Arabian woman smoked weed?

She got stoned

What happened to the plant on the windowsill of the math classroom?

It grew square roots!

What happened to the kitchen robber with a speech impediment

He took too mamy whisks

What happened when the Dalai Lama tried to return to Tibet?

It created Lhasa problems

What happened when two vampires had a race?

They finished neck and neck

What happened to Batman and Robin when a herd of elephants trampled over them ?

They became Flatman and Ribbon...

Did you hear what happened at the laundromat last night?

Three clothespins held up two shirts.

What happened when the Bank teller went crazy?

All I got was non cents.

What happened to the guy who told terrible jokes?

He was severely PUNished.

Scientists have finally figured out what happened to all the water that used be Mars

Turns out, the planet was once occupied by Nestle

What happened when the composer got fired for being too experimental?

He went baroque.

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What happened when Jesus went to mount Olive?

What happened when Jesus went to mount Olive?

Popeye got pissed!

Sailor 1: Have you seen what happened to the rope?

Sailor 2: Afraid not

Jim and Joe are sitting at a bar drinking and jim asks where is John? Joe says John is missing . What happened asks Jim . Well joe says

John forgot his wedding anniversary again. His wife flew into a fit of rage, walked out to the driveway pointed to the ground and said., I want a present that goes from 0 to 200 really fast and I want it here by tomorrow morning.
Fine says Jim but that doesn't explain where John is.
Well cont...

What happened to the lil cannibal who ate all his classmates?

He passed the third grade.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeeez, I wonder what happened to this parrot?" The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."

"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!" "I got every word," says the parrot. "Ask me anything, I'll answer whatever you want."

"Okay," the guy says. "How can you hang onto your perch without any feet?" "Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but si...

What happened to the couple who were going to get married in a gym?

It didn't workout

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Do you want to know what happened to the guy who tried watching Two Girls One Cup on his trip to Michigan?

He couldn't watch it. Can't have shit in Detroit.

What happened when the sparrow flew into the electric fan ?

Shredded tweet.

What happened when the cast of 'Friends' were stuck out at sea in a life raft?

They were fine, because Lisa Kudrow

What happened when the brown chicken met the brown cow?

Brown-chicken-brown-cow

You know what happened to humanity's most intelligent ancestor?

He decided having kids wasn't worth it.

What happened to the cannibalistic lion?

He swallowed his pride

Have you heard about what happened with that Italian chef?

He pastaway

What happened when US Mint worker got fired?

They stopped making money!

What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams?

They lived hoppily ever after.

What happened to the old capacitor that killed the Energizer bunny?

It got charged with battery

What happened to the inventor of the inflatable shoe?

He popped his clogs.

What happened when the skinny butcher backed up into his meat grinder?

He got a little behind in his work.

What happened to the conductor when half the cello section called in sick before a concert?

He had to resort to excessive violins.

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Can you believe what happened in DC?

Never seen so much press for a micropenis convention, at least none I’ve been to.

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What happened to Juan?!

There once was a man named Juan(65M), who was seeing this woman named Maria(60F)... every Saturday, they had a ritual. They would meet up at the local park, sit on the bench, and Maria would hold his penis. They enjoyed about a year of this relationship, before one Saturday, Juan failed to show.
...

What happened when Cinderella got to the Ball?

She gagged.

What happened to the Professional Writer who had bowel surgery?

He ended up with a semi-colon.

What happened to the exhausted horse?

He hit the hay

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A woman was pulled over for speeding. This is what happened:

Woman: Is there a problem Officer.

Officer: ma'am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.

Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.

Officer: Don't have one?

Woman: Lost it four times for drunk driving.

Offic...

What happened when the bakery burned down?

Their business was toast!

(AoT joke) What happened to the Survey Corps after Zeke's attack?

They became Survey Corpses.

Ba Dum Tss

Told my Grandpa’s favorite joke at his funeral and it helped cheer some sad eyes..... What happened when the parsley workers went on strike?

Their wages were garnished.

What happened to Dumbo over time?

He became EarElephant

What happened when the Energizer bunny's dad went out for cigarettes?

He just kept going and going and going.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happened to the porn star who was admitted into the emergency room?

He went into stepsis.

After what happened at the U.S. Captiol

I am no longer impressed that Nicholas Cage managed to steal the Declaration of Independence.

Did you hear what happened to the big game taxidermist who fell behind on his debt?

His deer rear career is in arrears

What happened to Napoleon when he got hit by a cannonball?

He became Napoleon BLOWNapart.

Credits: YT/recycledcitizen

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My favorite NSFW Joke: A guy calls his friend, and says "you're not gonna BELIEVE what happened to me last night...

I was walking home from the bar, and I saw this woman tied to the railroad tracks, like in the old silent movies!"

His friend says "that's crazy! So what did you do?"
"Well, I untied her of course! And then I took her home and had sex with her all night long."

His friend says "tha...

What happened to the man who stole an advent calendar?

He got 25 days



(ba dum tsssss)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was trying to sleep last night. Here's what happened.

Some dude has this bed right beside mine, and he randomly started saying this:

"I was born in 1892 in Bloemfontein. I wrote The Hobbit and The Lord of The Rings..."

For fuck's sake he was Tolkien in his sleep!

You guys wont believe what happened today

So my friend told me that he didn't like the Lord of the rings trilogy.

And just a minute after that he was hit by a car!

I assume it's a bad sign to dislike Tolkien.



Anyway, I lost my drivers license today.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happened?

A guy runs into a friend and sees him full of cuts and scratches. So he asks, "What happened to you?"

"I fell from my motorbike."

"But you don't have a motorbike."

"Well I fell from my quad bike."

"But you don't have that either."

"Ok, I got into a fight with my gi...

What happened when the Indian student spilled some lunch on their homework?

It became saag-y

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man returns home from his nightly pub visit to his wife sitting on the couch playing with two stray cats. He says to her "Hon, It's ok. Don't get mad, I can explain." The wife looks up and sees her husband has two heads. "Holy hell, John, what happened to you?" she screamed.

"Well," he explained, "I was leaving Harry's Pub just around ten PM like I always do when I decided to take a short cut through the alley way. That's where I stumbled and almost tripped on this lamp. So I pick it up and give it a rub, and out pops this genie who tells me he will give me three wishes...

What happened when the mad scientist fused two animals together on his safari?

*shrugs* "Elephrhino!"










My girlfriend slapped me when she got this joke, so I figured it was good enough for reddit

Dad: Hey, what happened to our neighbor?

Son: She got attacked by a group of mimes

Dad: Oh no, is she okay

Son: No, they did unspeakable things

What happened to the USSR in the 1940s?

They were Stalin' behind

What happened to the cannibal who had problems with eating brains?

The others gave him a hand.

What happened when it started raining coins?

It started knocking some sense into the world

Cops ask farmer what happened

Farmer is taking a break sitting under a tree. In the distance he hears a car speeding down the country windings road. The car comes around a sharp corner looses control and crashes into a tree.

First comes the ambulance followed by the cop's. The farmer continues under the tree not too bothe...

What happened to the cat after she swallowed a ball of yarn?

She had mittens.

did yall hear what happened to the deaf kid?

nope, neither did he

What happened when the knife went for a drive?

It took a sharp turn

When British people pronounce words like “Water” they say it like “Wuh-er”. So what happened to the T?

They drank it

What happened to the frog who didn’t pay the parking meter?

He got toad.

What happened to the optometrist that fell into the eyeglass making machine?

He made a spectacle of himself

What happened to the transvestite who wore a skirt while walking in London?

Nothing, but everyone was amazed by her balls

What happened to the two apple trees that were planted together?

They lived appley ever after.

What happened when the cannibals ate Bear Grylls?

They developed a taste for adventure.

What happened to Kamala Harris' campaign?

She had the black vote all locked up.

At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, “Can you tell me what happened before The Big Bang?”

The professor replied, “Sorry. No Time.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happened after the candidate took Viagra?

He awaited the erection results.

I really wish I could find out what happened with my friend that couldn't pay his mortgage.

You know, just for closure.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man gets home from work very disgruntled, his wife asks "What is the matter?" (Man) "I got fired from the factory today." (Wife) "Oh honey you poor thing, what did you do now?" (Man) "I stuck my dick in the pickle slicer." Wife *Looks down at his johnson* "What happened to the pickle slicer...?"

She was fired too.

A bride gets drunk at her reception and wakes up with a hangover, unable to remember anything she did at the reception. She asks her maid of honor what happened.

"Your groom and I got drunk and started dancing together," says the maid of honor. "Then you got drunk, and the alcohol must have made you so aggressive that when you saw us dancing, you kicked him in the balls."

"Ouch!" says the bride. "That must have hurt."

"It sure did!" says the ma...

What happened to the government when the president was impeached for the first time ever?

They found themselves in an unpresidented situation.

What happened at the cannibal’s wedding party?

They toasted the bride and groom...

My 7yo told me I had to post this. Enjoy the giggle!

What happened to Iron man when he wanted some salt?

He got a divorce form his wife Pepper.

Did you hear what happened to that guy who has rhotacism and always smokes an E-cigarette?

He told me he got vaped last night.

What happened to black tea when earl grey became more popular?

It became the minoritea

What happened when the ghost couldn't make it to the bathroom?

He sheet himself!

What happened when the lamp got rubbed?

A genie _came_ out of it

What happened in Hong Kong this week?

According to Beijing, it's as calm as a June Summer's day in Tiananmen Square.

Have you heard what happened with that Chinese lab in Wuhan?

**They ate him.**

What happened to the person who saw a post on a forum?

They reddit.

A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes. His boss asked what happened.

The man said, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and punched me square in the eye."

"Where did you get the other shiner?" the boss asked.

"Well," the man sa...

An English cat named ABC challenges a French cat named 123 to a swim across the English Channel, from the UK to France. They both swim hard, but only the English cat makes it. What happened to the other cat?

Well, un deux trois quatre cinq.

Microsoft has released Windows 7, Windows 8, and Windows 10. What happened to Windows 9 ?

Seven ate nine.

What happened to Johnny Cash when he purchased a house?

Johnny Debt

Did you hear what happened to the kid who kept getting electrocuted?..

His dad finally grounded him


.

A nurse at the hospital asked me if I remembered what happened to me the night before

I told her I was in a bar when two large ladies came in speaking a strange accent.

Making casual conversation I said “Cool accent! Are you two ladies from Ireland?”

One of them snarled at me “It’s Wales, dumbo”

So I corrected myself “Oh right, so are you two whales from Ireland...

What happened when Sin and Cos stayed out in the sun for too long?

They both became tanned gents!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A convict was sent to work at a church, you won't believe what happened next...

A guy got sentenced to do some community service at the local church after robbing it. The first day, the priest decided to put him to work at the confessional booth and accompanied him through the first confessions to show him how it works.

First woman entered the booth and said: "Bless me F...

What happened to the fungi who moved into a New York apartment?

He didn't have mush-room

What happened when the cannibal was late for dinner?

He got the cold shoulder.

I wonder what happened to Kim Jong Un

Maybe he’s Un-responsive

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