UPJOKE

What Happened Jokes

What happened to the Twitter employee, that told Elon Musk not to rename the company?

He became an X employee!

What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?

It was given two consecutive sentences.

At the end of the physics lecture, I asked the professor, “What happened before The Big Bang?”

He said, “Sorry. There’s no time.”

You hear what happened when the triangle tried to make all its angles 90 degree?

Didn't end well, I hear it's a wrecked angle now.

What happened?

A passerby saw a man laid flat on the sidewalk in front of the local beauty shop and ran to offer assistance. As the man came blinking into consciousness, the passerby asked, “What happened?”

The man rubbed the back of his head and said, “I don’t know! Last thing I remember, my wife was comin...

What happened to king Henry the VIII’s wife’s head?

(removed)

What happened in Hong Kong this week?

According to Beijing, it's as calm as a June Summer's day in Tiananmen Square.

What happened when Tinker Bell couldn't find a bathroom? [Original]

She Peter Pans

Scientists have finally figured out what happened to all the water that used be Mars

Turns out, the planet was once occupied by Nestle

What happened to Kamala Harris' campaign?

She had the black vote all locked up.

You'll never guess what happened to my foreskin when I went to a Jewish festival the other day?

[/removed]

What happened when the escalator broke down?

Everyone stopped and staired! 🥁

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did anybody hear what happened to that guy on the highway?

He pulled up to a gas station to fill up his tank, i guess they were doing maintenance on the pumps and didnt put one back together right, so while he was pumping, the hose popped off the nozzle and started spraying gas all up his arm.

So he went in PISSED. He was cussing, and yelling, eventu...

What happened to the short sighted circumciser?

He got the sack.

What happened when the orange slept with the dirty lemon?

He got lemonaids.

What happened with the wooden car with wooden wheels, wooden seats, and a wooden engine?

It wooden go.

People of China, do you want to hear what happened on Tiananmen square in 1989?

No tanks.

On her death bed, the Sheriff's wife confesses that she cheated on him three times, but swears it was always for a good reason. He asks what happened,

and she says, "Well, the first time, remember when Dr. Smith said he we couldn't afford the operation, and then he changed his mind and did it for free?" He says yes, and forgives her. "And the second time, do you remember when our boy got a DUI, and the judge let him off with probation?" He says ye...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happened to the Navy soldier who got caught masturbating?

He was dishonourably discharged for discharging dishonourably.

What happened after God legalized weed?

Prophets were at an all-time high

What happened when Mary had a little lamb?

The doctor fainted.

What happened to Theon Greyjoy's manhood?

[removed]

What happened to the handy man when he lost his hands?

He became an army man.

Did you hear what happened to Jimmy?

Did you hear what happened to Jimmy?
He lost a hundred pounds!

American: That’s great news!
Englishman: That’s awful news!

The French Revolution was pretty rough. Did you hear about what happened to Louis XVI's head?

[Removed]

What happened to the fly that started streaming?

He got swatted.

What happened to the plant in the Mathematics Faculty?

It grew square roots.

Did you hear what happened to the guy whose left arm and left leg got chopped off?

---

What happened after Trump cried when he lost the tennis game?

He was indicted for racket-tear-ing!

What happened when a hurricane hit Alabama?

It caused 10 million dollars worth of improvements.

What happened to the cow that refused to become steaks?

She was grounded.

Do you know what happened to the UPS driver who had an abortion?

She didn’t deliver.

What happened to the man who beat his wife with a musical instrument?

He was charged with domestic violins.

What happened to the fraction when it was convicted?

It was drawn and quartered.

I wish I could find out what happened to my neighbor who couldn't pay his mortgage.

You know, for closure.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happened when Napoleon went to Mount Olive?

Popeye got pissed.

What happened when Cinderella reached the ball

She gagged

(Wasn’t my joke, just heard online)

What happened to the frog who illegally parked?

He got toad.

What happened to the pirate who started wearing glasses?

People started calling him "Three Eyes."

What happened when the world’s tongue-twister champion got arrested?

They gave him a tough sentence!

What happened to the cannibal who had difficulties eating brains?

The others gave him a hand.

Darling, what happened to the parrot?

– Darling, what happened to the parrot?
– I dunno, Mommy, but I heard the cat talking.

What happened after the wheel was invented

a revolution

I know what happened to that crazy frog!

Fame went to it's head. It went so crazy It had to be Kermitted.

I'd like to explain what happened before the Big Bang.

Unfortunately, there's no time.

What happened when the missionary met the cannibal?

He gave him his first taste of religion.

What happened when the butcher backed into his meat grinder?

He got behind in his work.

Did you hear what happened to Jimmy? Tertible! His wife divorced him and left him without a single penny!

\- Well, I have it far worse. Not only is my wife ileaving me without a single penny, she also has absolutely no intention to divorce me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happened to the angry fly on the toilet seat?

He got pissed off.

Did you hear what happened to the top pole-valter in North Korea?

He became the top pole-valter in South Korea.

What happened when the old tractors wheel fell off?

They decided to retire it.

What happened when five fat French men got in the lifeboat?

Cinq.

What happened to the writer who could only write with consonants

He was disemvoweled

What happened to the man who didn’t have a towel after his shower?

He dried of natural causes.

What happened after Lance Armstrong was caught doping?

He took his ball and went home.

What happened to the overconfident lion-tamer?

He was consumed by his own pride.

What happened to the emo

A depressed emo high off shrooms was walking in the forest when he came across a tree with arms. He tried to give him a high-five but the tree left him hanging.

I asked my proctologist:. What happened to all the patients who had their colonoscopys delayed due to covid.....

He said, "oh we got caught up. Everyone got it in the end".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What happened to the horny square?

He had an E- rectangle.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Can you believe what happened in DC?

Never seen so much press for a micropenis convention, at least none I’ve been to.

Whenever I'm asked "What happened in 1492?", people are always surprised by my answer.

Nobody expects "The Spanish Inquisition".

What happened between a bald person and their hair?

They had a falling out.

What happened when the teddy bear got punched?

He got the stuffing knocked out of him.

What happened after a tornado hit the shoe store?

After weeks of Sole Searching it finally reopened.

What happened when Pope John Paul II got shot?

He became ‘His Holeyness’
(No offence to Catholics/Pope/God)

What happened to the Mexican after Donald Trump was elected?

[removed]

What happened to the 2 guys that stole a calendar?

They got 6 months each.

What happened when the duckling fell in the tea cup

He quacked it…

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