UPJOKE

What Gets Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What gets longer when pulled, inserts in a hole, and works best when jerked?

A seatbelt

What gets burning hot right before it freezes?

A laptop.

What gets easier to pick up the heavier it gets?

Women

What gets naked when you dress them?

Poultry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What gets long when you jerk it,fits between boobs,slides in a hole and loves to be pulled?

A seat belt you pervert

What gets me into the holiday spirit?

Usually a cork screw or a bottle opener

I went into a pharmacy and asked “what gets rid of Coronavirus?”

The assistant replied “ammonia cleaner” I said “I’m sorry, I thought you worked here”

You know what gets people down?

An extra chromosome!

(im sorry)

Murdering people is not what gets you jail time.

Not properly disposing of the bodies is what gets you jail time.

What gets wetter the more it dries?

A towel.

What gets four As and a B but still fails in schooling?

ALABAMA

If ant poison gets rid of your aunts, what gets rid of your uncles??

Anti-funcle cream.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What gets longer if pulled, fits snugly between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, chokes people when used incorrectly, and works well when jerked?

A seatbelt

What gets higher with age?

Willie Nelson

What gets all shook up and comes on your salad?

Elvis Parsley.

What gets whiter as it gets dirtier?

A blackboard.

What gets harder the more you play with it?

A rubiks cube

You know what gets the girls wet?

Water

What gets laid 3 times a day?

The dinner table.

After five years of marriage I can finally say I know exactly what gets my wife turned on...

...not much, as it turns out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If whisky makes you frisky and gin makes you sin, what gets you pregnant?

Two high balls and a straight shot.



*This was my grandma's favorite joke to tell us kiddos*

I’ll tell you what gets me down.

Stairs.

What gets funnier the more you read it?

Reposts /s

What gets better with age?

Daddy's belt.

What gets fresher as the expiry date approaches?

Expiry date.

What gets wetter as you become dryer?

A necrophiliac.

What gets louder as it gets smaller?

A baby in a trash compactor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What gets louder when I'm horny?

Sirens

What gets easier as you get taller?

Washing your junk in the sink

What gets a lonely IT guy excited?

NIPS

^^^I'm ^^^^so ^^^^^sorry

To all the people who call me too lazy to achieve anything in life...

Proving you wrong is what gets me up from bed.... in the afternoon.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.