UPJOKE

What Does It Mean Jokes

What does it mean when you lose a shoe but still survive?

You’re a sole survivor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does it mean if you're gullible about dick jokes?

You're a sucker.

What does it mean when a man looks deep into your eyes?

it means that you are flat chested.

What does it mean when a redneck's baby drools out of both sides of its mouth?

The trailer is level.

What does it mean "the rest of the world?

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: "Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn't know what "food" meant. In Eastern Europe they didn't know what "ho...

What does it mean when lawyer is neck deep in s**t?

We run out of s**t

What does it mean when you come home and catch your wife sitting in the living room?

Her chain from the kitchen is too long.

What does it mean if you were born in September?

That your parents started the new year with a bang!

\*squeaking bed sound in distance*

What does it mean when the flag at the local Post Office is at half mast?

They're hiring.

What does it mean when life gives you melons?

You're dyslexic.

What does it mean when it hurts to pee?

Urine trouble!

What does it mean when a man is in your bed, gasping for breath and calling your name?

You didn't hold down the pillow long enough.

What does it mean when a man reaches out to hold your hand after 50 years of marriage?

He's just doing a pulse check.

What does it mean when you have wheels and a country girl wants you?

It means you *a tractor*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does it mean to give more than 100%?

Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?

We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give
over 100%.

How about achieving 103%?

What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answ...

What does it mean when a lion roars?

Shut up. The movie is about to start.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does it mean when a guy remembers the color of a girls eyes on the first date?

That she has small tits

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does it mean when a girl likes a 12 inch dick?

She has a foot fetish. :D

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does it mean when a man makes eye contact with a woman while she speaks?

Her tits aren't nice

What does it mean when a groundhog sees a maple leaf on feb. 02?

...six more weeks of bad hockey!

Doc...I had a dream two nights ago I was a pop up tent and last light I dreamt I was an Inflatable Tent. What does it mean????

Well Bob I would say you need to relax...you're just two tents.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Landing on the Moon

In 1969, in the months leading up to the Moon landing, the Apollo 11 astronauts trained in a remote moon-like desert in the western United States. One day as they were training, the astronauts came across an old Native American.


‘What are you doing here?’ the old man asked.


‘We...

A woman gets up in the morning

wakes up her husband and says:
- Honey, I had a wonderful dream. I dreamed you gave me a diamond necklace for my birthday. What does it mean?
The husband answers:
- You'll know it on your birthday.
The wife's birthday arrives and the husband enters the house with a package in his hand. T...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sherlock Holmes Looks at the Night Sky

Sherlock Holmes and Watson are laying in their sleeping bags looking up at the midsummer sky. Sherlock turns to Watson and asks, "Watson, what do you see?"


"Stars and the moon, dear Holmes," he says.


"What does it mean?" Sherlock asks.


"Well," says Watson. "It ...

A man is lost in the forest late at night...

(Quick note: I first heard this joke in Chinese, so this is an attempt to translate it to English)

...and stumbles across a cabin with a light on inside.

He knocks on the door, and is greeted by a kind-looking old lady, who happily welcomes him inside, treats him to a hot meal, allows ...

Famous Philosophers

Aristotle - "what does it mean to be a good person"

Descartes - what does it mean to "be"

Nietzsche - "what does it mean"

Bertrand Russell - "what does 'it' mean"

C.S. Lewis - "what does it"

Lil Jon - "what"

A child got caught swearing in class today.

The teacher told him to stop saying those words. She also implies that he doesn't even know what it means

The child responded "I know what it means"

The teacher said "Oh yeah? Then what does it mean?"

The student said "It's when the car won't start"

Rick Astley and James Blunt are in a bar having a pint

And they are talking about all the celebrities they knew :-

Rick Astley said "I met Yoko Ono in Soho once" but James had never met her before

James mentioned he was good friends with Carrie Fisher, unfortunately Rick had never met her

Rick Mentioned once going to dinner with ...

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson had once gone on a camping and hiking trip.

As they lay on their beds staring at the night sky Holmes said, " Watson, look up. What do you see?"

"Well, I see thousands of stars."

"And what does that mean to you?"

"Well, I imagine it means we will have another nice day tomorrow. What does it mean to you, Holmes?"

"T...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy asks his I dad about being gay

Son : Dad, what does it mean to be gay?

Dad : It means you're happy.

Son : Are you happy, dad ?

Dad : No, I have a wife.

What "being a man" is about

A little boy asks his father: "Dad, what does it mean to be a man". The father replies: "well son, being a man means that you're the person in control of the situation, you're the one who takes all the important decisions".

"Well" - the kid answers - "then I hope to be a great man when I gro...

Some European explorers were traveling through the Amazon rainforest with some natives as guides...

when they started hearing drums in the distance. Puzzled the Europeans inquired, “we hear drums? What does that mean?”

The Natives answered, “When drums stop, very bad.”

Reluctantly the exploration continues. After 5 minutes the drums had started getting louder and the explorers star...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An old man is on his death bed

His wife is there with him. He gently grabs her hand and begins:"My sweet wife...Do you remember that time when in the first spring in our new house, I was pruning that old tree and a branch hit me in the head, getting me ten stitches?"

Wife: "Yes, my love. I remember."

Husband: "You w...

Neil Armstrong and his team were training for moon expedition at a desert and met an old Native American

The native American asked : Can you do me a favour?

Neil Armstrong : Of course, what do you want?

Native : Please pass this important message to our holy spirits living on the moon

The native American started uttering the message in his tribal language and asked Neil Armstrong t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

These three men went into business together and the first one said: "I put up sixty-five percent of the capital, so I'm the president and chairman of the board."

“I put up thirty percent of the money," said the second, "so I'm appointing myself vice president, secretary and treasurer."

“Well I put up five percent," pointed out the third partner. "What's that make me?"

The chairman said, "I'm appointing you vice president of sex and music." ...

"Five Horses Is Her Name"

A man asked an American Indian what was his wife's name. He replied, "She is called Five Horses".
The man said, "That's an unusual name for a wife. What does it mean?"
The Old Indian answered, "It old Indian name. It mean ..."
"NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG, NAG!"

A guy goes in his car and gets out of the parking lot...

When suddenly, while going in reverse, he hits something with his car.
He immediately goes out and sees an Italian guy unconscious.
He takes him immediately to the hospital.
The sentence is clear: The guy is in a coma.
He anxiously waits outside for him to wake up.
After some time, he...

Mr Trump was invited to visit a poor African country.

A soccer match was arranged between two local teams in honour of Trump's visit. During the match, the Prime Minister of the country explained about the poverty his country was facing. Trump listened intently and said

"Mr PM, I've seen enough and I fully understand the extent of the poverty yo...

A woman goes to a psychologist, and the doctor can see she is visibly upset.

"Tell me what you're upset about," says the psychologist.

"It's my dreams, Doctor. One night I'll dream I'm a tepee, and then the next night I'll dream I'm a wigwam. The next night I'm a tepee again, and then I'm a wigwam the next! What does it mean?!"

"Don't worry, I know what's wrong...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.