UPJOKE

What Do You Get When You Cross Jokes

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What do you get when you cross Viagra and Donald Trump???

Erection Fraud.

Dont hate me.

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic ocean with the Titanic?

About halfway.

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What do you get when you cross a diaper and some cereal?

Snap, crackle poop.

(This is my 8 yr olds favorite joke and she wanted me to make sure everyone on that joke website I go to knew it.)

What do you get when you cross a policeman with a skunk?

Law and odor.

What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovah’s Witness?

Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.

What do you get when you cross a cow with an octopus?

A visit from the ethics committee and an immediate withdrawl of your funding.

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What do you get when you cross a rooster with an owl?

A cock that stays up all night

What do you get when you cross a volcano with a fruit?

A lavacado!

What do you get when you cross elephant DNA with Human DNA?

A lifetime ban from the zoo.

What do you get when you cross a hippie and a ninja?

Peace and Quiet.

What do you get when you cross Superman with a kleptomaniac?

A man of steal!

What do you get when you cross a Jewish person?

Christianity

What do you get when you cross a priest with a dressmaker?

Someone that cries "Be gown, Satin!"

what do you get when you cross a hippo and a bed?

a new bed

What do you get when you cross a parrot with Chuck Norris?

I don't know, but I'd give him the cracker if I were you.

What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal.

A polar bear.

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what do you get when you cross a cocker spaniel and a hairstylist's poodle?

A Cocker Poodle Doo!

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What do you get when you cross Willy Wonka with stolen fizzy lifting drinks?

You get *NOTHING*! *YOU LOSE*! *GOOD DAY, SIR*!

What do you get when you cross a herbalist and a watchmaker?

A thyme keeper.

What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?

Nothing. You can't cross a vector and a scalar.

What do you get when you cross a hurricane with a cruise ship full of 1990's boy bands?

Washed up musicians.

What do you get when you cross a dog and an antenna?

A Golden Receiver.

What do you get when you cross a slug with a bug?

A Volkswagen

What do you get when you cross a Roman Soldier?

A crucifixion.

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What do you get when you cross king midas and Oedipus?

Pure motherfucking gold

Here’s a joke my dad told me: What do you get when you cross mommy and daddy?

A mistake



- I don’t know what it means but Mom laughed really hard so it must be funny. Dad uses that joke a lot.

What do you get when you cross Prince Charles and Queen Elizabeth?

Dead in a tunnel

What do you get when you cross Father's Day and Cake day?

Extra Karma... I hope.

What do you get when you cross a mad cow and and angry sheep?

A baaaaaaaad mooooooood

What do you get when you cross Rage Against the Machine and a Tupperware party?

Bowls on parade!

What do you get when you cross an orca with a housecat?

An angry ethics committee and your grant revoked.

What do you get when you cross Tenacious D with the White Stripes?

Jack Gray.

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What do you get when you cross an armadillo with a dildo?

Fired from the sex toy company

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What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato?

A Dictater.

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What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee chord?

My Ass MRAHH

What do you get when you cross KFC with a gentlemen's club?

Chicken strips!

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What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection!

What do you get when you cross a lawyer with a cook?

A Sue Chef.

What do you get when you cross a mailman with a bottle of Scotch and an open window?

Air Mail.

What do you get when you cross an 80’s wrestler with a Dry Cleaners?

Laundre the Giant.

What do you get when you cross a young wizarding student with a large "water horse?"

A Harrypottermus!

What do you get when you cross a mafia Consigliere with a performance artist?

Someone who makes you an offer you can't understand.

What do you get when you cross a bat and a man?

A ban. Specifically, a lifetime ban from the genetics labs, as well as a visit from the ethics committee.

What do you get when you cross an early bird and a night owl?

Shut the f up, I only got 2 hours of sleep last night!

What do you get when you cross a church with a laser tag arena?

Pew! Pew! Pew!

What do you get when you cross a musician, a mathematician, and a lumberjack?

A Logarithm

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What do you get when you cross a pickle with a deer?

A dildo.

What do you get when you cross alcohol and literature?

Tequila Mockingbird

What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a water hose?

Hare spray.

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What do you get when you cross a mentally ill loner with a society that abandons him and treats him like trash?

You get what you fucking deserve! *BANG*

What do you get when you cross a small dog with a donkey?

A Jack Russell Derrière.

What do you get when you cross a seafood restaurant with a brothel?

Fish tacos

What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic?

Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog.

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What do you get when you cross a vampire and a butterfly?

A Blooderfly

What do you get when you cross a pit-bull with a computer?

Not sure.....but, when it megabytes, it megahertz.

What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow?

I have no idea, but I wouldn’t try milking it.

What do you get when you cross a comedy club with a morgue?

An open Mike night.

What do you get when you cross a sad dog and a fruit salad?

A Mellon Collie

What do you get when you cross a rock'n'roller with a triangle of cheese spread?

DairyLea Lewis

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[Offensive] What do you get when you cross a bowl of fruit and the holocaust?

Orange Jews from concentrate

What do you get when you cross Pacman with Shakira?

Waka waka waka waka waka waka....

What do you get when you cross a brain tumor with a german sausage?

The wurst headache

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What do you get when you cross a Jew and a coffee shop?

Hebrews

What do you get when you cross Donald Trump and Bill Clinton?

Murdered in a jail cell.

What do you get when you cross an American with a Russian?

An investigation.

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What do you get when you cross Hitler with Osama bin laden?

Nein 11

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What do you get when you cross an onion and a donkey?

Most times you get an onion with a tail. But every once in a while you get a piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye.

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What do you get when you cross

A rooster with a telephone pole?


A forty foot cock that wants to reach out and touch someone.


You probably have to be my age to remember the commercial that inspired this one but I still like it and it's my cake day so nah nah.

What do you get when you cross lsd and birth control?

A trip without the kids

what do you get when you cross a snowman and a brick?

a brrrick

What do you get when you cross a gladiatorial-style tournament with children?

The Younger Games

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What do you get when you cross necrophilia with group sex?

Popping open a cold one with the boys

What do you get when you cross an orange with Quentin Tarantino?

Pulp Fiction

Credit to the movie The Starving Games

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What do you get when you cross an elephant with a poodle?

You get a dead poodle with an 18 inch arsehole

What do you get when you cross an idiom with a Freudian slip?

Six of one, and a half dozen of your mother.

What do you get when you cross human DNA with whale DNA?

Kicked out if Sea World apparently.


Joke credit: u/refreshing_username

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What do you get when you cross a rabbit with a horny toad?

I don’t know, but you would sure get a lot of them.

What do you get when you cross Captain America with The Incredible Hulk?

Star spangled Banner.

What do you get when you cross a dog and some explosives?

A treat seeking missile.

What do you get when you cross a chimpanzee with a rhinoceros?

A meeting with the ethics committee and swift removal of your research funding.

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What do you get when you cross the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon with the Dunning-Kruger effect?

I don't know man, but lately I just keep seeing the signs and evidence everywhere I turn. *I'm fucking brilliant.*

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