UPJOKE

What Do You Get When Jokes

What do you get when you combine human DNA with seal DNA?

You get banned from SeaWorld.

What do you get when you spell “man” backwards?

Flashbacks.

What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?

Diabetes.

What?, did you really think I was gonna make a pie joke on my cake day?

^btw ^I ^waited ^1 ^whole ^year ^to ^tell ^this ^joke

What do you get when you spell "man" backwards?

Flashbacks

What do you get when you try to crossbreed a human and a moose?

Arrested apparently

What do you get when you mix holy water with laxatives?

A religious movement.

What do you get when you cross elephant DNA with Human DNA?

A lifetime ban from the zoo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross Viagra and Donald Trump???

Erection Fraud.

Dont hate me.

What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovah’s Witness?

Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.

A joke I remember making up when I was 7 : What do you get when a giant steps on a house?

Mushrooms

What do you get when you shoot four bullets into a six pack?

A Tupac...

What do you get when you cross a cow with an octopus?

A visit from the ethics committee and an immediate withdrawl of your funding.

What do you get when you cross Prince Charles and Queen Elizabeth?

Dead in a tunnel

What do you get when you cross Father's Day and Cake day?

Extra Karma... I hope.

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic ocean with the Titanic?

About halfway.

What do you get when you throw a piano on a child?

A flat minor.

What do you get when you mix American Literature and alcohol?

Tequila Mockingbird

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a rooster with an owl?

A cock that stays up all night

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross Willy Wonka with stolen fizzy lifting drinks?

You get *NOTHING*! *YOU LOSE*! *GOOD DAY, SIR*!

What do you get when you cross Superman with a kleptomaniac?

A man of steal!

What do you get when you cross a Jewish person?

Christianity

What do you get when you mix alphabet soup and laxatives?

Letter rip!

What do you get when you cross a priest with a dressmaker?

Someone that cries "Be gown, Satin!"

What do you get when you boil a clown?

A laughing stock.

What do you get when you put jelly into Flint, Michigan's water supply?

Pb & J.

From my dad: What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette?

Your camera.

What do you get when you cross a herbalist and a watchmaker?

A thyme keeper.

what do you get when you cross a hippo and a bed?

a new bed

What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?

Nothing. You can't cross a vector and a scalar.

What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?

A trip without the kids

What do you get when you consume an undercooked female hog?

Sow-monella

What do you get when…

You cross an angry sheep and an angry cow?

2 animals that are in a baaaaad mooooood

What do you get when rubbing two oranges together

Pulp friction

What do you get when you cross a parrot with Chuck Norris?

I don't know, but I'd give him the cracker if I were you.

What do you get when you cross an orca with a housecat?

An angry ethics committee and your grant revoked.

What do you get when you scan Elijah Wood?

A Frodocopy.

What do you get when you cross Rage Against the Machine and a Tupperware party?

Bowls on parade!

what do you get when you finger a gypsy on her period?

Your palm red

What do you get when you cross a crazy cat lady with a Karen?

I don't know either but I'm sure she'll have hissy fits.

What do you get when you Italicize the word ‘Coffee’?

*Espresso*

What do you get when a crab lies down?

Prostrate Cancer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when Wonder Woman [nsfw]

What do you get when Wonder Woman has sex with a transformer?
.
.
.

.

Amazon Prime

What do you get when a dinosaur kicks you in the rear end?

A mega-sore ass

What do you get when you cross Tenacious D with the White Stripes?

Jack Gray.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a pickle with a deer?

A dildo.

What do you get when Batman leave church early?

Christian BAIL

What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal.

A polar bear.

What do you get when you crossbreed a cat with a duck

A platypuss

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross an armadillo with a dildo?

Fired from the sex toy company

What do you get when you mix scoobie snacks and weed

A Scoobie Doobie

What do you get when you combine insomnia, dyslexia and agnosticism?

Someone who lies awake at night, wondering if there is a dog.

What do you get when the sun god says he's sorry?

An Apollo-gy

What do you get when you throw an elephant in the pool?

Wet.

What do you get when you throw two elephants in the pool?

Swimming trunks.

What do you get when you pick a pig's nose?

Hamboogers

My 8 year old told me this one, i told him it was snot funny.

What do you get when you cross a hurricane with a cruise ship full of 1990's boy bands?

Washed up musicians.

What do you get when you mix Napolean Dynamite and Napolean Bonaparte?

Napolean Blownapart

What do you get when you mix a broccoli and a melon?

The saddest vegetable known to man: a melonccoli.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a diaper and some cereal?

Snap, crackle poop.

(This is my 8 yr olds favorite joke and she wanted me to make sure everyone on that joke website I go to knew it.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato?

A Dictater.

What do you get when 32 rednecks enter the same room?

A full set of teeth.

What do you get when you play a country song backwards?

You get your pickup truck back, you get your girlfriend back, you get your dog back.

What do you get when you cross a slug with a bug?

A Volkswagen

What do you get when you cross a dog and an antenna?

A Golden Receiver.

What do you get when you mix an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?

A person who stays up all night wondering whether or not there is a dog.

What do you get when you roll Chewbaca in Hershey's kisses?

A chocolate chip Wookie




Or both your arms ripped off

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a Jew and a coffee shop?

Hebrews

What do you get when you cross a hippie with a ninja?

Peace and quiet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee chord?

My Ass MRAHH

What do you get when you cross KFC with a gentlemen's club?

Chicken strips!

What do you get when you take the integral of a velociraptor?

A Positioraptor!

What do you get when the government gets involved in digestive issues.

An enema of the state.

What do you get when you combine Titantic with the Sixth Sense?

Icy dead people.

What do you get when you cross a Roman Soldier?

A crucifixion.

What do you get when you integrate 1/cabin?

You would expect to get log cabin, but it's actually houseboat. You're forgetting to add the C.

What do you get when you cross Donald Trump and Bill Clinton?

Murdered in a jail cell.

What do you get when you melt the wizard of oz?

The wizard of fl.oz.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what do you get when you cross a cocker spaniel and a hairstylist's poodle?

A Cocker Poodle Doo!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross Raggedy Ann with the Pillsbury Dough Boy?

A red-headed bitch with a yeast infection!

What do you get when you divide a pumpkin's circumference by its diameter?

Pumpkin pi

Heard this on Psychostick's livestream :3

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross king midas and Oedipus?

Pure motherfucking gold

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a mentally ill loner with a society that abandons him and treats him like trash?

You get what you fucking deserve! *BANG*

What do you get when you cross a small dog with a donkey?

A Jack Russell Derrière.

What do you get when you cross an 80’s wrestler with a Dry Cleaners?

Laundre the Giant.

What do you get when you put together a Shih Tzu and a Bulldog?

A felony, Frankenstein

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you have sex with a bird?

Chirpies.

It's a canarial disease.

It's untweetable.

What do you get when you mix Vodka with laxatives?

A Russian tanker in Ukraine.

what do you get when a cow gets caught in a earthquake

A milkshake

What do you get when a hedgehog and a snake mate?

Barbed wire!

What do you get when you cross an American with a Russian?

An investigation.

What do you get when you cross a policeman with a skunk?

Law and odor.

What do you get when you cross a volcano with a fruit?

A lavacado!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you turn poop around

Dirty hands

What do you get when Lincoln, Washington, Jefferson, and Roosevelt fall in poison ivy?

Mt. Rashmore.

What do you get when you cross a bat and a man?

A ban. Specifically, a lifetime ban from the genetics labs, as well as a visit from the ethics committee.

What do you get when you cross a mailman with a bottle of Scotch and an open window?

Air Mail.

What do you get when you divide bread by zero?

NaaN

What do you get when you meet a bunch of amicable Hungarian musicians?

A Franz Liszt

What do you get when you combine a rhetorical question with a joke?



" "

(I'd leave this blank, but Reddit doesn't like that...)

What do you get when you flip a blond upside down?

A brunette with bad breath

What do you get when you mix a rat and an elephant?

Who cares? It's a relephant.

What do you get when you cross a mafia Consigliere with a performance artist?

Someone who makes you an offer you can't understand.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you put both halves of your butt together?

A buttwhole.

I said this to my fiancee last night and we both cracked up. I came up with it myself, although it's possible someone else has made this joke before.

What do you get when you mix a car, a pet and a fly?

A flying carpet.

What do you get when you cross an early bird and a night owl?

Shut the f up, I only got 2 hours of sleep last night!

What do you get when you cross a young wizarding student with a large "water horse?"

A Harrypottermus!

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