UPJOKE

What Do You Get Jokes

What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism?

No more jokes about the profit.

What do you get when you spell “man” backwards?

Flashbacks.

What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?

Fat. You get fat.



You were expecting a joke about pi? On my cake day?

What do you get when you eat 3.14 slices of cake?

Diabetes.

What?, did you really think I was gonna make a pie joke on my cake day?

^btw ^I ^waited ^1 ^whole ^year ^to ^tell ^this ^joke

What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA?

You get kicked out of sea world…

What do you get when you spell "man" backwards?

Flashbacks

What do you get if you mix human DNA and whale DNA?

Banned from Seaworld



Cake day so time to Karma Farm, and I can't see this joke posted

What do you get when you mix holy water with laxatives?

A religious movement.

What do you get, when you cross an Eldritch Horror, with an E-Girl?

CthUwU.

What do you get if you cross a cow with an octopus?

An immediate cessation of funding and a stern rebuke from the ethics committee

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if you cross a pirate and a paedophile?

Arrr Kelly!

What do you get when you try to crossbreed a human and a moose?

Arrested apparently

What do you get when you cross elephant DNA with Human DNA?

A lifetime ban from the zoo.

What do you get when you combine human DNA with seal DNA?

You get banned from SeaWorld.

What do you get if you divide a pumpkins circumference by its diameter?

Pumpkin π

Sorry.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross Viagra and Donald Trump???

Erection Fraud.

Dont hate me.

What do you get for winning a muscle loss competition?

Atrophy.

What do you get when you cross an atheist with a Jehovah’s Witness?

Someone who knocks on your door for no apparent reason.

What do you get when you shoot four bullets into a six pack?

A Tupac...

What do you get if you boil funnybones?

A laughing stock.

What do you get when you cross Prince Charles and Queen Elizabeth?

Dead in a tunnel

A joke I remember making up when I was 7 : What do you get when a giant steps on a house?

Mushrooms

What do you get if you mash 6.02 * 10^23 avocados?

Guacamole...

What do you get when you cross Father's Day and Cake day?

Extra Karma... I hope.

What do you get if you cross Bill Clinton and Donald Trump?

Found in your cell, unresponsive.

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic ocean with the Titanic?

About halfway.

What do you get when you throw a piano on a child?

A flat minor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a rooster with an owl?

A cock that stays up all night

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross Willy Wonka with stolen fizzy lifting drinks?

You get *NOTHING*! *YOU LOSE*! *GOOD DAY, SIR*!

What do you get when you cross Superman with a kleptomaniac?

A man of steal!

What do you get when you cross a Jewish person?

Christianity

What do you get when you mix American Literature and alcohol?

Tequila Mockingbird

What do you get if you tell the same joke every day for a month?

About 3K karma and a ban from r/jokes.

What do you get if you cross a river with tap shoes? Riverdance. What do you get if you cross a river with crocs?

Eaten.

What do you get when you mix alphabet soup and laxatives?

Letter rip!

What do you get when you cross a priest with a dressmaker?

Someone that cries "Be gown, Satin!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[OC] What do you get if you get a boner at a funeral?

Mourning wood

What do you get if you cross an angry cow with and angry sheep?

An animal that is in a seriously baaaaaaaaa-d moooooooo-d

What do you get if you add up all the seconds of your life?

A lot of food you probably didn’t need to eat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get if someone cums in your eye?

A stigmajism.

Or (thanks to WasteChard3488):

A jizmatism.

What do you get when you put jelly into Flint, Michigan's water supply?

Pb & J.

What do you get when you cross a herbalist and a watchmaker?

A thyme keeper.

From my dad: What do you get when a topless blonde rubs sun tanning oil on a topless brunette?

Your camera.

What do you get if you loose one of your fingers?

# What do you get if you lose one of your fingers?



10% Discount for a Manicure.

what do you get when you cross a hippo and a bed?

a new bed

What do you get when you cross a mosquito with a mountain climber?

Nothing. You can't cross a vector and a scalar.

What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?

A trip without the kids

What do you get if you cross an agnostic, a dyslexic and an insomniac?

Someone who lays awake at night, wondering if there is a dog.

What do you get when you consume an undercooked female hog?

Sow-monella

What do you get when you cross a parrot with Chuck Norris?

I don't know, but I'd give him the cracker if I were you.

What do you get when rubbing two oranges together

Pulp friction

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you flip boob?

Poop

What do you get when you cross an orca with a housecat?

An angry ethics committee and your grant revoked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get for spending four years with a bunch of virgins?

A slice of blue cake!!!

What do you get when you cross Rage Against the Machine and a Tupperware party?

Bowls on parade!

What do you get when you scan Elijah Wood?

A Frodocopy.

What do you get when you Italicize the word ‘Coffee’?

*Espresso*

what do you get when you finger a gypsy on her period?

Your palm red

What do you get when a dinosaur kicks you in the rear end?

A mega-sore ass

What do you get when you cross Tenacious D with the White Stripes?

Jack Gray.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when Wonder Woman [nsfw]

What do you get when Wonder Woman has sex with a transformer?
.
.
.

.

Amazon Prime

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a pickle with a deer?

A dildo.

What do you get when you cross a polar bear with a seal.

A polar bear.

What do you get when you crossbreed a cat with a duck

A platypuss

What do you get when Batman leave church early?

Christian BAIL

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross an armadillo with a dildo?

Fired from the sex toy company

What do you get when you mix scoobie snacks and weed

A Scoobie Doobie

What do you get if you give growth hormones to an ant?

Tolerance

What do you get when you throw an elephant in the pool?

Wet.

What do you get when you throw two elephants in the pool?

Swimming trunks.

What do you get if you glue sequins to your life jacket?

>!Flamboyancy!<

What do you get when you cross a hurricane with a cruise ship full of 1990's boy bands?

Washed up musicians.

What do you get when you combine insomnia, dyslexia and agnosticism?

Someone who lies awake at night, wondering if there is a dog.

What do you get when you mix Napolean Dynamite and Napolean Bonaparte?

Napolean Blownapart

What do you get when the sun god says he's sorry?

An Apollo-gy

What do you get when you pick a pig's nose?

Hamboogers

My 8 year old told me this one, i told him it was snot funny.

What do you get when you mix a broccoli and a melon?

The saddest vegetable known to man: a melonccoli.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a diaper and some cereal?

Snap, crackle poop.

(This is my 8 yr olds favorite joke and she wanted me to make sure everyone on that joke website I go to knew it.)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato?

A Dictater.

What do you get when you cross a slug with a bug?

A Volkswagen

What do you get when 32 rednecks enter the same room?

A full set of teeth.

My daughter came home from school yesterday and told us this joke: What do you get from a fat cow?

Homework.

A joke I rewrote to make it timely... What do you get if you cross a Russian dictator and a Russian oligarch?

Killed. You get killed.

What do you get when you roll Chewbaca in Hershey's kisses?

A chocolate chip Wookie




Or both your arms ripped off

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross a Jew and a coffee shop?

Hebrews

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you get when you cross an owl with a bungee chord?

My Ass MRAHH

What do you get when you cross a hippie with a ninja?

Peace and quiet.

What do you get when you cross KFC with a gentlemen's club?

Chicken strips!

What do you get when you take the integral of a velociraptor?

A Positioraptor!

What do you get when the government gets involved in digestive issues.

An enema of the state.

What do you get if you cross a chicken with a horse

One hell of a drum stick

What do you get when you combine Titantic with the Sixth Sense?

Icy dead people.

What do you get when you cross a Roman Soldier?

A crucifixion.

What do you get when you integrate 1/cabin?

You would expect to get log cabin, but it's actually houseboat. You're forgetting to add the C.

What do you get when you divide a pumpkin's circumference by its diameter?

Pumpkin pi

Heard this on Psychostick's livestream :3

What do you get if you don't pay your exorcist?

Repossessed.

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