UPJOKE

What Do You Call A Person Who Jokes

A person who speaks two languages is bilingual and one who speaks three, is trilingual. What do you call a person who speaks only one language?

American

What do you call a person who saw an apple store getting robed?

An iWitness.

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What do you call a person who doesn’t masturbate?

A liar.

What do you call a person who keeps on talking after everyone's lost interest?

A teacher

What do you call a person who studies the color blue?

A cyantologist.

What do you call a person who hangs out with musicians?

Bass guitarist.

What do you call a person who graduated at the bottom of their class in medical school?

Doctor

What do you call a person who is really fast at altering clothes?

Tailor Swift

What do you call a person who is willing but hasn’t yet tried Indian food?

Curry-ious

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What do you call a person who

1. Does not live with his parents.
2. Has sex 2-3 times a day.
3. Reads books all day.
4. Intensely works out in the gym.
5. Does not have a real job.

Answer: [a prisoner]

What do you call a person who illegally transports cups

A smuggler

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What do you call a person who insists on saying “pissssssss” every time they urinate?

An onomatopee-er

What do you call a person who takes care of chickens?

A chicken tender

My mom came up with this and told me to post it so tell me if you enjoy it!

What do you call a person who speaks in tongues?

Cunnilingual

What do you call a person who hates French people just for being French?

A Baguette

What do you call a person who can't hear well?

**I SAID WHAT DO YOU CALL A PERSON WHO CANT HEAR WELL?!**

What do you call a person who is happy on Mondays?

Unemployed

What do you call a person who doesn't believe in Santa Clause?

Eggnog-stic.

What do you call a person who just started fapping

New cummer

What do you call a person who has a good time with birds and feathers?

A Pheasant Plucker.

And to all you dyslexics out there, they are also enjoyable lovers.

What do you call a person who does not like brown rice?

A ricist!

What do you call a person who has outstanding street smarts?

A roads scholar

What do you call a person who is jealous of you having marijuana?

... *Jointless*

What do you call a person who got kicked out of Canada?

Can'tadian

What do you call a person who lives in Sweden but isn't native?

An artificial swedener

Badum tss.

What do you call a person who breaks saxophones?

What do you call a person who breaks saxophones?

A sax offender

What do you call a person who eats chocolate with ketchup?

An idiot. You call them an idiot.

What do you call a person who loves crocodiles?

A crocophile.

Came up with that one while at the science museum, wife gave a groin and shook her head.

What do you call a person who always posts memes?

Depressed

What do you call a person who’s being chased by a car?

Tyred!

What do you call a person who’s chasing a car?

Exhausted!

What do you call a person who dislikes people who don’t have toes?

Lack toes intolerant.

What do you call a person who spreads flu?

Influenzer

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What do you call a person who only has sex with people who test positive for COVID-19?

A sick fucker.

What do you call a person who is half-british?

A brit....-ish.

What do you call a person who uses algebraic equations to calculate coffin sizes?

A mathemortician.

What do you call a person who tells dad jokes but isn't a father?

A faux pa

What do you call a person who likes ceilings?

A ceiling fan

What do you call a person who looks after cows?

It's not shepherd, it's coward

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

>What do you call a person who worships god? [Maybe offensive]

\>>A jew

\>what do you call a person who worships a jew?

\>>Christian

What do you call a person who falls for something over and over again?

Oooh

We're no strangers to love

You know the rules and so do I

A full commitment's what I'm thinking of

You wouldn't get this from any other guy

I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling

Gotta make you understand

Never gonna give you up

Never gonna...

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What do you call a person who is half Japanese and half philipino?

A Jalapeno

What do you call a person who just fell head first off of a 10 story building?

A crackhead







-I think this is original content. If not, please correct me.

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What do you call a person who is both an analyst and a therapist?

Analrapist (this is probably a repost)

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What do you call a person who proof read Hitler's speeches?

A grammar Nazi

What do you call a person who watches over chickens?

A chicken tender.

What do you call a person who beautifies space ?

Cosmo-tologist.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call a person who keeps list of all his sexual encounters

Anal-yst

What do you call a person who designs dog houses

A barkitecht

What do you call a person who studies about the mechanics and interactions of poo?

A fecesist.

What do you call a person who jumps off a bridge in paris?

In seine

What do you call a person who only farts when he's alone?

A prive tutor!





I'll get the door on my way out

Bob:"What do you call a person who has poor hearing?"

**Joe:** "what?"

**Bob:** "I SAID WHAT DO YOU CALL A PERSON WHO HAS POOR HEARING"

What do you call a person who discriminates against cult members?

A cultist

If a person who reads lots of books is a bookworm, what do you call a person who listens to lots of tapes?

Old

What do you call a person who falls for a tech support scam?

An Indian giver.

What do you call a person who is obsessed with cats?

A catholic

What do you call a person who has flu but does not isolate themselves and is very active on social media?

Influen(zer)

What do you call a person who teaches you how to fart?

A tutor.

What do you call a person who sprays deodorant at people and chokes them?

An axe murderer

What do you call a person who sells prosthetic limbs for kids?

a small arms dealer.

What do you call a person who thinks zombies are superior to people?

A wight supremacist

What do you call a person who used to be a fan of farm machinery?

An ex-tractor fan

A joke from Hamlet: "What do you call a person who builds stronger things than a stonemason, a shipbuilder or a carpenter does?"

The one who builds the gallows to hang people on, since his structure outlives a thousand inhabitants

Found on Act 5, Scene 1

What do you call a person who breaks into a house, steals food and drinks, and leaves in a getaway vehicle?

Santa Claus.

What do you call a person who does not respect your privacy?

A Zuckerberg

What do you call a person who is unable to tell the difference between a ladle and a spoon?

Fat.

What do you call a person who breaks into your home in winter?

A burrrrrgler

From my bf. Who hates puns.

What do you call a person who is 6’ 10” tall, 300 lbs and goes both ways?

Bi and large

what do you call a person who cant differentiate a t-shirt from a polo

collar-blind

What do you call a person who drinks way too much soda?

A Coke-o-nut.

What do you call a person who can doesn't feel one way or another about religion?

A Meh-thodist

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What do you call a person who refuses to believe that people are born gay?

Fagnostic

What do you call a person who is book smart, but not street smart?

An intellectual dumbass

What do you call a person who is an insomniac, a dyslexic, and an agnostic?

Someone who stays up all night wondering if there is a dog.

What do you call a person who helps teach others to fart?

A tooter.

(thanks, honey)

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What do you call a person who is being very unclear about their eating habits?

A vagueatarian

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