UPJOKE

What Are Some Jokes

What are some jokes with multiple punchlines? Here is an example what i mean:

A journalist was about to interview a company that advertised 100% chicken meat sausages.
The interviewer asked if the sausages are realy 100% chicken meat.
Company director:"well this is a secret, but for the sausages to remain juicy, we need to add some horse meat"
Interviewer: "Horse mea...

What are some good things about living in Switzerland?

Well, the flag is a big plus...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What are some of your best “and then I said” jokes

When my friends and I are talking I like to every now and then go “and then I said ping pong balls not king kong’s balls” for a laugh.

I wondered if anyone else has any gags like this?

What are some good Asian stereo types?

I like Sony and Yamaha.

What are some good fruit jokes?

My friend is doing a video project for school and needs fruit jokes.

What are some pros for Ukraine after loosing Crimea to Russia?

Theres no Crimea in Ukraine

What are some funny physics jokes?

A farmer noticed that his chickens were sick, and called in a biologist, a chemist, and a physicist to help diagnose the problem. The biologist observed the chickens, concluding, "I can tell you there's something wrong with your chickens, but I don't know what's causing it." The chemist took fluid s...

What are some things to say when leaving?

Things like "Let's make like a ball and bounce." or "I'm going to make like a tree and leave." or "I'm off like a prom dress."

What are some genuinely funny jokes?

The Students of MBBS were attending
Their 1st Anatomy
Class,
They all Gathered around the Surgery
Table with a Real Dead
Dog,
..
The Professor put His Finger in Dog's
a#s & Tastes it in His
own Mouth,
Then He asks the Students to do
the Same,
The students Hesi...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What are some of the first jokes you ever heard?

Mine is "What kind of bee's make milk. Boobies!"

Please note that the jokes should be more for nostalgia's sake rather than funniness (but that is a plus).

What are some life lessons

A teacher sent kids home with an assignment to find something that teaches a life lesson. The next day Mary goes first and says "our chickens laid eight eggs so I thought we'd have 8 chicks, but only 5 hatched" teacher asks "what was the lesson?" Mary says "don't count your chickens before they hatc...

Teacher: Ok kids! What are some laws you disagree with?

Kid in the back: What are the laws?!

Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies?

Student: I don't know.
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?
Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What are some jokes that start get worse and worse? Example inside.

I was eating out my grandmother and I tasted horse semen. "Oh, grandma," I thought, "so that's how you died."

What are some good 'your sister jokes'?

Ones like: what's the difference between dinner and your sister? I wash my hands before eating dinner.

I'm going on a date with a chemical engineer this week, what are some good chemisty/engineering jokes?

Best engineering joke I've heard:

A man is walking in a field when he notices a guy adrift in a hot air balloon with no fuel. Balloon guy shouts down "A little help here?"
The man on the ground looks up and shouts "You are in a hot air balloon with no fuel, you're about 20 feet off the gro...

[META] What are some jokes like "bend over and spell RUN"

Or spell ICUP, look at your chest and spell attic, or spell IHOP then say "ness"

What are some good conversation starter jokes you can think of?

Just some light jokes with bit of humor . Nothing too dark.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What are some good "hate on America" jokes from other countries? Try your best to offend me!

I want something to make me go fuck, that was good.

What are some jokes along the lines of "the elevator business has its ups and downs"?

Any other stereotypical job/industry comments/jokes would also be greatly appreciated (even though they're groan-inducing). Thanks (in advance)!

I'm dressing up as a (dead) hooker for Halloween...what are some lines you NEVER want to hear a hooker say?

For example, "I just need to put some ointment on my herpes, and then we are good to go."

I know, I'm terrible at this! Please help!

No Respect

"A girl phoned me up the other day and said, 'Come on over, no one is home.'

I went over there.

And nobody was home!"

Rodney Dangerfield

What are some of your favourites from Mr. No Respect?

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