UPJOKE

Went To The Zoo Jokes

I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage.

**The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity**

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I went to the zoo the other day , there was only one dog in the whole place.

It was a shitzu

I went to the zoo the other day

I went to the zoo the other day with my buddy Zane (I call him Z for short), and his favorite exhibit is the monkeys, so we wander over there straight away. When we get there he notices this monkey wandering around the exhibit making out with every other kind of monkey in there. He asks me “hey man,...

An Irishman and his son went to the zoo...

A sign says, “Feed the elephant a bun to get your age”

The little boy gives the elephant a bun and it stomps it’s foot 6 times.

“Wow” says the boy, “That’s right I am 6, you have a go dad!”

The Irish chap gives the elephant a bun...

A moment later the elephant farts and ...

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I went to the zoo and I saw the monkeys masturbating.

I then saw the giraffes and I was still masturbating.

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I went to the zoo today, but all of the animal pens were completely empty except for a single enclosure that had one little dog in it.

It was a shitzu.

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Little Johnny went to the zoo with his parents.

He saw an elephant and asked his mom:

"Mom, what does this elephant has between its legs?"

Mom blushes and says:

" Oh, that's nothing."

Then Johnny turns to his father and asks:

"Dad, what does this elephant has between its legs?"

"That's elephant's penis"...

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My therapist pleaded with me, “You need to go out more! Take up a hobby! Stop doing weird things!” I replied quietly, “Well, I went to the zoo." The therapist exclaimed proudly, “That’s what I mean! Did you get anything from that?!”

I slowly opened my coat and whispered, “I got this penguin..."

I wanted to see lot of animals so I went to the zoo.

But they only had one small dog.

It was a SHIH-TZU.

I went to the zoo to see the animals.

They were singing “We Gotta Get Outta This Place”.

I went to the zoo today. They had a yaks in the wildebeest exhibit.

Did they really think I would fall for fake gnus?

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I went to the zoo today, but it only had one animal!

It was a Shitzu


... I'll see myself out

A Mother, Father and Their Son Went to the Zoo

One day a mother, father and their son went to the zoo. Whilst walking along, they came to a pair of monkeys mating. The boy looks to his mum and says "Mum, what are they doing?" in which the mum replies, "They're making cakes dear".

They continue walking and they come to a pair of hippos mat...

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Visit to the zoo

This guy went to the zoo one day. While he was standing in front of the gorilla’s enclosure, a gust of wind blew some grit into his eye. As he pulled his eyelid down to dislodge the particle, the gorilla went crazy, bent open the bars, and beat the hapless fellow senseless.

When the guy came ...

I have the memory of an elephant...

One time I went to the zoo and saw an elephant.

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The Zoo

A little boy and his sister went to the zoo with their parents. At the zoo, they split up and each parent took a child around for a look at the animals.

When the little boy and his mother got to the gorilla, the boy said “Mommy! What’s that!”

“Well, son, that’s a gorilla.”

Then...

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A teacher asks her students to use the word fascinate in a sentence.

First she calls on Sussy. "My dad and I went to the movies and we were fascinated!" Sussy says.
"Well that's pretty good, but I wanted you to use fascinate not fascinated."

So she calls on Mary next. "My family went to the zoo, and it was fascinating!" Mary says.
"That's not bad either,...

Australian Grandmaster wins big chess tournament, "so would you like the prize money as cash or..?" "check, mate"

Hey so I won a college chess tournament and are about to go into an Instagram live video with a talkative person(the host,lady) and the college chess coach "Dan" (friend of mine,older) . So what are some jokes I can do?

I'm thinking of..

Host:"so you've played a lot of chess huh?"
...

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