UPJOKE

Went To The Library Jokes

I went to the library and asked for a book on Pavlov's dog and Shrodinger's Cat

The librarian said "That rings a bell but I don't know if it's here or not."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to the library and asked if they had the book about tiny penises...

The librarian said, "I don't think it's in yet."

I said, "Yes, that's the one."

I went to the library today and asked where I could find books on greases, oils and lubricants.

The librarian suggested I try the non-friction section.

I went to the library. I said,"Can I borrow a book about suicide?"

The guy said,"We did have one, but we never got it back."

I went to the library to check out a medical book on abdominal pain

but when I got it home, I found that someone had ripped out the appendix.

I went to the library to ask for a book on Tortoises.

The clerk asked, "Hardback?"
"Yes" I said "and leathery legs and a stumpy tail".

So I went to the library...

I had to go to the library to book a private study room. Once there, I asked the lady if there is one that is available.

Imagine my disappointment when she said, sorry hun, we are fully BOOKED.

Jimmy went to the library.

At the the library he said to the librarian “Can I get a hamburger.” The librarian responds “ Sir this is a library.” Jimmy whispers “Sorry can I have a hamburger.

I went to the library looking for a copy of the Kama sutra...

I couldn't find it. So I complained to the librarian.
They Replied "Ah that's cause it's in a different position every week"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man went into confession crying, and told the priest:

“Forgive me father for I have sinned”.

“What have you done?” asked the priest.

“A few weeks ago I went to the library. I remained there until closing time and when I was about to go home, rain started pouring down. It was so intense I had to wait in the library. I had waited for a wh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to the library to see if they had any informational materials on how to masterbate.

The female librarian said no.

This gave me no JOI.

I went to the library, and I asked the librarian if they carried a book called “How To Deal With Rejection.”

She told me no, so I started shaking and weeping uncontrollably.

I went to the library today and said, "I'd like to check these books out."

The librarian said, "Sorry, that's actually against the rules."

"Huh?!"

The librarian replied, "You see, checking them out only makes them shelf conscious."

I went to the library and asked for Trump's book about deporting illegal immigrants. She told me, "Get the F*ck out of my country and don't come back."

Me: Yes that's the one.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A visit to the library

A man went to the library and asked the librarian if she had the new book about having a small penis?
The librarian looks on her computer for a good minute and can't seem to find it registered in the system anywhere, before she finally says "I don't know if it's in yet".


The man re...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall so he called an artist.

An eccentric billionaire wanted a mural painted on his library wall so he called an artist. Describing what he wanted, the billionaire said, "I am a history buff and I would like your interpretation of the last thing that went through Custer's mind before he died. I am going out of town on business ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The wife was nagging me for ages to put a shelf up in the front room, but as I am shit at DIY I thought that I should get some advice.

So I went to the library and asked the woman there, "do you have any books on shelves?"

Yussuf Swannekamp, mayor of Whistlestop Minnesota, was running for re-election.

Polling showed a dead heat between Swannekamp and his opponent, La Hernia, with 53 votes for each candidate. Swannekamp had to find another vote if he was to stay in office. On the edge of town lived a deranged tree worshipper named Kilmer Boles, who had never voted. So Swannekamp went to the librar...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sorry but thought this joke was funny in away

Went to the library this morning and asked the assistant if she had a copy of the book for men with small penises.
She said "its not in yet"
I said "thats the one"

My wife asked me to do some DIY to build some storage for our collection of encyclopaedias..

But I'm no good at DIY, so I went to the library to find out how to do it and asked the lady behind the desk..
"Do you have any books on shelves?"

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.