UPJOKE

Well Hung Jokes

How can you tell when a man is well hung?

When you can barely slip your finger in between his neck and the noose.

How do you know when a lawyer is well hung?

You can't get your fingers between their neck and the noose.

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Is a comma just a well hung period?

Or is a period just a comma with a micropenis?

What do you call a well hung pirate?

Dead

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How does Trump persuade women he is well hung?

Fake Nudes

[nsfw]The hospitals new director is an idiot. He commissioned a huge chandelier for the main lobby that humanizes those living with erectile disfunction. The entire board told him not to do it and that they wouldn't be attending the unveiling.

It's unfortunate because it was well hung, difficult to get up, and nobody came.

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What do you call a prisoner on death row with a big penis?

Well hung

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Ladies Night Out

3 women were discussing how they each loved a "Well Hung" man, but were amazed at how different their method was for finding one.

The first woman said she knew if a man was confident and secure he definitely was packing a Big Rigg.

The second woman said she liked men that wore tight pa...

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Severance Packages

The department of defense, in an effort to cut some costs decides to offer severance packages to some superfluous higher ranking officers. The offer is an honorable discharge and $1,000 for every inch between two points of their body of their choosing.

A Navy admiral takes this opportunity an...

Why was the overweight kid proud of his family's criminal history?

He kept being told stories of how his grandfather and father were both big men and everyone knew they were well hung.

I got my ancestry results back and I'm part Welsh and Hungarian.

I am well hung

I know you're not supposed to find Jesus Christ hot...

...but damn, is he so well hung.

Why Do Women Love Jesus?

He was well hung and super into cross fitting!

Why do the ladies love Jesus?

He's well hung and there's always a second coming.

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A male pornstar was charged with murder and sentenced to death by hanging. The day before his execution, the warden asked: "what would you like inscribed on your tombstone?"

...

...

...

...



"Hank

1980-2017

He was well hung"

The bible purposely leaves out the decade of Jesus' life in his 20s because he was clearly a ladies man...

I mean, he can turn water into wine, and was well hung. What do you expect!

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A conversation between friends.

White kid: My dad's well hung.
Black kid: Mine was hung too.
Chinese kid: Hey! My dad's Hung too!!








This is a below average joke attempt. I know, hanged vs hung. Still I thought I'd share.

Next time someone compares Trump to Mussolini, remind them of the biggest difference.

Mussolini was well hung.

I was in bed with a blind girl last night...

and she says "wow your really well hung" to which I respond "you're pulling my leg"

Saddam's Ghost

Saddam Hussein had no sooner died than finding himself in hell, face to face with the Genie whom he had found as a child.

"You are a horrible Genie! You failed me with my three wishes!"

"No I didn't, Saddam...let's review...You wished to be a great leader of your country. This came tru...

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A man is lying on a sun lounger drinking a beer while his wife struggles mowing the lawn with a push mower.

When their neighbour sticks his head over the fence and starts shouting at the man. "Look at you, sitting on your backside while your wife works her arse off! You should be bloody well hung!"

The man sets down his beer, looks his neighbour straight in the eye, and replies.

"I am. That'...

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An Irishman at my work told me three of jokes yesterday

"I was at the gas station earlier before I came here, and they had a freezer chest outside, and it said "Cold Ice"..... I bloody well hope it is!"

"How can you tell if a man is well hung?
Try to get your fingers through the space between the rope and his neck."

"A group of people we...

A hoser is lying on a hammock in his backyard drinking a beer while his wife mows the lawn.

His neighbour leans over the fence and says, "That's disgusting. You let your wife do all the work while you just lie there and drink beer. You should be damn-well hung!"

"I am," replies the hoser. "That's why she mows the lawn for me."

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A guy walks into the bathroom at a bar

He sees a tiny man standing on a stool taking a piss. As he walks up to a urinal he looks over and can't help but notice this tiny man has a monster member. The tiny man looks up and asks
"Wtf are you looking at?"
The man responds "I'm sorry but I couldn't help but notice....that"
"Well," t...

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A businessman dies and gets to meet StPeter

Peter knows of the mans history and so offers him either, he enters hell for all eternity OR he can climb the “Ladder to success” a literal golden ladder.

Of course he chooses to climb.
StPeter imposes his terms, once you leave one level of the ladder you may only go up.

So agree...

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A marine and the call girl.

After a long tour of duty in Afghanistan, a U.S. Marine gets some well earned R&R state side. Seeing as he hasn't been with a woman for quite a while he decides to have a call girl meet him at a motel.

Once the girl arrives she suggests they get naked and get into bed, as the Marine strip...

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