What's the difference between a scruffy man on a bicycle and a well dress man on a unicycle?

A tyre.

A young well dressed blonde woman enters a high end New York City Bank seeking a loan.

The baker she sees checks her references and asks what she plans to use as collateral for the loan, which is only $5000, far less than most clients ask for at his bank.

She offers her Mercedes Benz as collateral. Everything checks out and the banker approves the loan, and the woman thanks him...

A bartender is sitting behind his bar when a well dressed but obviously drunk man stumbles in.

"Bartender! A drink for everyone, a drink for me, and a drink for yourself!" The man yells as he approaches.

The bartender pours all the drinks, the whole bar cheers, they all drink. The bartender hands the bill to the man, and he just shrugs and says, "Oh I didn't bring my wallet with me ton...

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Pence made sure he was well dressed for the debate. His tie was adjusted, his collar was fixed, his buttons were buttoned, and most importantly...

His fly wasn't down

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Why are religious gays always well dressed?

because they spent years in the closet

A policeman arrests a well dressed man in a suit and tie, walking down the Main Street of the city talking on his cell.

The man has a desk strapped to his back, complete with laptop, printer and filing cabinet. He has a dustbin on his head.

“Hold on councillor, I have a policeman trying to arrest me, and I haven’t got a clue why.” He turns and asks “What are the charges?”

“Impersonating an office, Sir”

A priest sits next to a well dressed woman on the plane.

Woman: Father could I ask a favor of you?

Priest: Certainly.

Woman: I bought a hairdryer for my mother but I am afraid that my purse is becoming too heavy and that airport security will confiscate it when we land. Could you hide it underneath your robes?

Priest: Very well, but I...

What is the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

What do you call a well dressed pop singer

Billie Stylish

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A well dressed gentleman spots an attractive lady sitting at the bar

He walks up to her and says:

"Excuse me, sorry to bother you but can I smell your pussy?"

Offended and taken aback the woman replies "No!" In a sharp and stern voice.

To which the man replies:

"Oh, it must be your feet then."

Two well dressed lawyers, Milind Kale and Ram Jethmalani went to an expensive restaurant...

They ordered 2 coffees
and then took out sandwiches from their briefcases to eat...

Waitress: Sorry Sir !!! But you can't eat your OWN food here... Its against the rules ...

The lawyers quietly looked at each other and
EXCHANGED their sandwiches & continued their meals!
<...

What do you call a well dressed dwarf that keeps perfect time?

A Metro Gnome

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A very elderly gentleman,mid ninety's,very well dressed, hair well groomed,great suit,flower in his lapel smelling slightly of a good aftershave,presenting a well looked after image,walks into an upscale cocktail lounge.

Seated at the bar is an elderly lady,mid eighties.

The gentleman walks over,sits along side of her,orders a drink,takes a sip,turns to her and says"So tell me do I come here often?"

What do you call a well dressed lawn statue with an excellent sense of rhythm?

A metro-gnome

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A well dressed guy walks into a bar.

He orders a double Scotch straight up, and relaxes at the bar. It's almost empty at this hour, and the barkeep is at the other end washing glassware. As the man takes a sip of his drink he hears a quiet little voice saying "Nice suit you're wearing". The man looks around and sees no one. He says to ...

A handsome and well dressed old man walks into a bar...

... approaches a good looking elderly lady, and says:

"Do I come here often?"

A well dressed 80yr old man walks into the senior center...

he stops, surveys the room and sees an attractive 70 yr old lady sitting by herself. he adjust his tie and walks over to her.
" So," He says, " do I come here often?"

A very well dressed man walked down the street.

He seemed to be in a hurry. I saw some bills falling out of his jacket's pocket. Because he didn't notice, I yelled at him: "Sir! ... Sir! You lost something" He stopped and turned his head, raising his eyebrows. "What?" "10 seconds of your time, sir." As soon as he was gone, I picked up the bills a...

What's the difference between a well dressed man and a tired dog?

The man wears a full suit, the dog just pants

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An American soldier, serving in World War II, had just returned from several weeks of intense action on the German front lines.

He had finally been granted R&R and was on a train bound for London. The train was very crowded, so the soldier walked the length of the train, looking for an empty seat. The only unoccupied seat was directly adjacent to a well dressed middle aged lady and was being used by her little dog.
...

High End Restaurant

A very well dressed (tailored suit, silk tie, bespoke shoes etc) elegant older customer ordered the very best on the menu resulting in a very large tab.
At the end of the meal he was presented with the bill.
He said to the server, “I don’t know if you remember, but many years ago I was a bit d...

An HR manager dies...

One day while walking down the street a highly successful Human Resources Manager was tragically hit by a bus and she died. Her soul arrived up in heaven where she was met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter himself.

"Welcome to Heaven," said St. Peter. "Before you get settled in though, it seem...

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A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back...

The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.

Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.

A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.

At the so...

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A guy walks into a bar and slaps $1000 on the bar top.

The guy says to the bartender, "I bet you $1000 that I can piss from one side of this bar top into a shot glass on the other side without spilling a single drop."

The bartender says, "I don't think that's possible, I'll take that bet."

The bartender sets up a shot glass at the end of t...

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The shepherd and the consultant

A shepherd is tending to his flock without a worry in the world as suddenly a sports car screeches to a halt next to him, out jumps a well dressed man saying "Hello shepherd, if I can tell you how many sheep you have in your flock, I may take one?"

The shepherd shrugs and the man starts to fi...

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Husband says to his wife that he is going golfing. She gets upset because she thought they would spend the day together.

Husband: "honey just give me the day I need to relieve some stress. Besides You don't even golf."


Wife: "I want to learn and besides it's something we can do together."


The husband begrudgingly accepts his wife request and they go to the golf course. On the first tee the hu...

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A redneck and an annoying stranger are sitting next to each other on a 12 hour plane ride...

The stranger is pretty well dressed and, after a few drinks becomes very loud and disruptive. He starts boasting that hes the smartest man on the plane. After a few minutes of unsuccessfully trying to get people to engage with him, a stewardess tells the stranger he needs to be quiet and stop distur...

I told you I was broke

A little lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by a well dressed young man carrying a vacuum cleaner.

"Good morning" said the young man. "If I can take a couple minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high power vacuum cleaner"

"G...

There is a lawyer in a 3000$ suit

He is well dressed, his suit is tailored, his shoes are top quality; he is a obviously very important lawyer. He goes back home and his wife is desperate, the sink has been leaking all day.

The lawyer tries to fix it, half an hour passes but he is not able to find a solution, desperate he fin...

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