UPJOKE
plantar wartkeratosisblisterscabhoghemangiomacryotherapysalicylic acidcancerousskineczemablemishdefectmarpathology

Warts Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cinderella, now 90 years old, and Prince Charming being long dead, sat on the balcony of her castle with her cat resting in her lap.

Suddenly, the Fairy Godmother appeared out of nowhere. Cinderella was completely stunned.

\- Wh... what are you doing here after all these years? asked Cinderella.

\- Cinderella, you have lived a perfect life. You have never done anything out of malice, and you have been a wonderful wi...

Alcohol removes pimples and warts.

Not from me. From the people I look at.

What do my ex-boyfriend and genital warts have in common?

They're both embarrassing to talk about and difficult to get rid of

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They say Hitler used potatoes to treat his genital warts...

Talk about a Dictator.

Wasn't crazy about getting genital warts

but I have to admit, they are growing on me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you're concerned about your new partner's sexual history, and you don't want to catch genital warts, imagine you're playing chess, not craps.

So don't roll the dice. Check first, and then mate.

I've finally come to terms with having genital warts...

I guess they kinda grew on me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a blue-green genie get from unprotected sex?

Genieteal warts

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A general inspects his troops

A rough old general has heard about a unit with the reputation of being filled with the toughest soldiers around and decides to see for himself.

After reviewing the troops he decides to go to the medical tent to meet the soldiers who weren't at the parade.

The general gets to the first...

What is the most prevalent STI wizards and witches get?

Hog warts.

Why did Harry Potter bring his pig to the vet?

Because it had hog warts

Three women die and go to heaven

There are ducks everywhere on the ground and floors. St. Peter tells them: "This is Heaven, you can do anything you like, as long as you don't step on a duck. If you step on a duck, you will be punished."

The first woman tries very carefully to not step on a duck, but slips up and accidentall...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There are two men hiking through the jungle

They come across a village of native Indians who take them hostage. The leader tells them that they have two options for punishment. Death or boomba?

“Well I don’t wanna die so I’ll choose boomba” says the first guy.

Then comes out boomba. A 700 hundred pound naked man covered in wart...

I saw a loved up couple on the train.

The woman was caressing the man's genital warts, and it made me feel uneasy.

I hate public displays of infection.

Harry Potter finally got to sleep with Hermione but he had some regrets

He got hog warts

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What’s the number one sexually transmitted disease among wizardry students?

Hog warts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The corn drenched in Butter

There were three young men who got lost on a mountain hike in the night.

The snow was raging, and all three were freezing and starving, desperate for shelter and food.
Luckily, they found a house in the woods. They knocked on the door, hoping to get a place to sleep for the night and somet...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of skin growths are the biggest control freaks?

Anal warts.

What do you call space herpes?

Star Warts.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man is heading home from a big night in the town. As he walks through a seedier part of the city, he spots a lady of the night who is the most beautiful woman he has ever set his eyes upon.

A young man is heading home from a big night in the town.


As he walks through a seedier part of the city, he spots a lady of the night who is the most beautiful woman he has ever set his eyes upon.


He wanders over to her and quietly asks, "How much?"


The sex wo...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A beautiful brunette dies and 'wakes' up in a room.. [NSFW]

.. In the room in one corner there is a ladder heading up into a hole in the roof, and in another corner a small man with a small ugly penis, red with sores.


"Hi, I'm Fassi, and you're in hell. You have two choices. You can either suck me, or you can climb the ladder to success."

<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

“I don’t know, but...”

Joe walks into a bathroom. He walks up to a urinal and unzips his pants when he hears “Psst.. buddy. Can you help a guy out?” Joe looks over and sees a man standing a couple urinals down. “Uh.. what?” inquires Joe. “Buddy, I need help unzipping my fly,” responds the man, who upon saying so nods his ...

3 women are in a horrible car crash and go to heaven.

3 women are in a horrible car crash and go to heaven. As they are approaching the gates of heaven they notice there are ducks that cover almost every inch of heaven. They ask St. Peter about the ducks.

“They are very sacred creatures and if you step on 1 you will be handcuffed to an ugly per...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes into his favorite bar and sees a jar of money on the counter with the word "win" printed on it.

"What's this about?" he asks the bartender.



"That's our monthly contest. You put in a $20 entry fee and then perform the three acts. If you complete all three successfully you win the pot."



"Cool," he says. "What are the three acts?"



"Well, first, you hav...

The Wire Brush

An Army officer decides to inspect soldiers recovering in one of the field hospitals he commands. He marches into one of the tents, goes up to the first private he sees and barks, "What's your affliction, private?" 

Standing at attention, "Venereal warts, SIR!"

He then asks, "And what ...

Whatever you do, don't step on a duck.

Three men approached the gates of heaven where they were immediately greeted by Saint Peter. "Hello good sirs, and welcome to the Kingdom of God. In heaven we have but one rule: DO NOT step on a duck."
"I'm sorry. Can you repeat that?" questioned one of the men.
"Over the years, many misconcep...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Christian couple finally get married...

and go on the honeymoon of their dreams. They've both abstained from sex their whole life. So when they finally have some alone time, things get hot pretty quickly.
The husband, wanting to hurry things up, takes off his wife's shoes and socks.
The wife does the same, but is horrified when ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a sex doctor's office… (Possibly NSFW)

And the doctor asks what is the man's problem.

"Well doc, before we get started, you need to know that I have a small penis…"

"Sir," interrupted the doctor, "I am a professional. I have seen more penises than you could possibly imagine: big ones, small ones, cut ones, uncut ones, ones ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The ladder to success

A man drunkly stumbles out of a bar and on the way to his car, encounters a ladder reaching up to the clouds. There is a voice coming from high up in the clouds, “climb the ladder to success”. The man looks up and starts climbing. After reaching a low floating cloud, he sees a woman, she has wart...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Armless Man (NSFW-Language)

A man with no arms walks into a restroom. He approaches a urinal and turns to a man using the urinal next to him.
"Excuse me sir?"
"Yeah?"
"As you can see I have no arms, so I was wondering if you could undo my zipper?"
The man is shocked, but takes pity on the armless man, and agrees. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The avid fisherman. NSFW

A man checks into the the office at a fishing lodge in the Scottish highlands. After being given the key to his cabin he asks that he be given a 6 am wakeup call because he wanted to get started as early as possible.

The next morning after a quick breakfast he strides out of his cabin and pas...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The corniest dirty joke ever

There are three guys lost in the desert. They have been wandering around for weeks, and are somehow still alive, yet they are on the brink of death. They crawl over a sand dune and all stop, staring into the distance with their mouths agape.

"Do you see that?" the first guy says. "Yup," the o...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Harry Potter and Kermit the Frog's penis have in common?

Hogwarts.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.