UPJOKE

Want To Hear A Joke Jokes

"Do you want to hear a joke about the Russian Victory Day parade?"

"No tanks."

"Do you want to hear a joke about ghosts?"

"Yes."

"That's the spirit!"

I wanted to post a joke about Sodium but I was like Na, people won’t Understand.

Want to hear a joke about Sodium hypobromite?


NaBrO.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Want to hear a joke?

Boy: “Want to hear a joke about my dick? Never mind, it’s too long.”

Girl: “Wanna hear a joke about my pussy? Never mind, you won’t get it.”

Want to hear a joke about a nihilist?

Nah, what's the purpose?

Want to hear a joke about a roof?

The first one’s on the house

If you want to hear a joke about construction...

...come back later. I'm still working on it.

Want to hear a joke about construction?

I'm still working on it.

Want to hear a joke about extrinsic motivation?

An old man enjoyed sitting on his front porch every day until the elementary school bell rang and neighborhood kids walking past his porch stopped to taunt him from the sidewalk.
Finally, the old man came up with a plan.
He offered the children a dollar each if they’d return the next day...

Stalin: Want to hear a joke?

Citizens: sure.
Stalin: food.
Citizens: wait, what?
Stalin: You won't get it.

Want to hear a joke?

I would tell you one but it's not my turn to repost it yet

Want to hear a joke about dead batteries?

There’s no charge.

Do you want to hear a joke about a ghost?

That's the spirit.


Disclaimer: My girlfriend told me this one and she has repeatedly said it pretty much since last Christmas and stills finds it super amusing.

Want to hear a joke?

Your government is competent and uses your tax dollars efficiently.

Do you want to hear a joke about the Israeli army?

A general asks a young soldier, what will you do if you see 20 soldiers coming to attack you? The soldier says that I would take an Uzi and shoot them.

The general asks him what if a tank is coming to kill you? I would take a rocket launcher and defend myself replied the young soldier.
<...

You Want to hear a joke about cash machines?

Wait a sec... I can't think of one ATM

Do you want to hear a joke?

Decaf...



My 6 year-old walks around telling this joke to everyone. Adults find it hilarious when it comes from a 6 year-old, because it's just not something you expect to hear.

Want to hear a joke about Net Neutrality?

*I'm sorry, it appears that you've run out of Reddit for this month. Please contact your service provider to buy the Social Media Browsing Pack for the low price of $149.99.*

Want to hear a joke about insulin? You might not think it’s funny.

You need to go to Canada to get it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks up to a topless girl on the beach. 'can I tell you a joke about my dick? No wait, it's to long.' The girl looks at him and replies: 'Want to hear a joke about my vagina?'

'No wait, you'll never get it.'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Want to hear a joke about testicles?

Today's your lucky day, because I've got two!

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