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Want Some Peanuts

Grandma used to keep a bowl of peanuts next to her bed to hand out.

Then we found out she was just eating the chocolate off them.

Bert: Hey Ernie, you want some ice cream?

Sherbert.

Realtor: I’m selling some land, you want some? Me: how much?

Realtor: Lots

Want some emo coffee?

It's fresh brood!

Do you want some Raymond?

Guy 1 - do you want some Raymond?
Guy 2- do you mean ramen?
Guy 1- no, Raymond! Everybody loves Raymond!

My abuela said that I had to get up if I want some rice

So I arroz

Hey dude, want some sodium hypobromite?

NaBrO, I'm good.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you want some?

So this occurred at my great grandma's visitation a couple years ago. Some of my cousins and I were sitting in the pews of the church because we had nothing better to do. My cousin next to me was on his phone texting someone and my uncle came up to my cousin. The conversation went like this:

...

What do the female reindeer do when they want some fun?

They go into town and blow a few bucks...

If you want some Vietnamese soup but there is a really long line

It's basically a big pho queue

I’m recovering from surgery, and still in some pain, so my mom asked me,”Do you want some painkillers?”

I replied, ”They couldn’t hurt.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hey dumbass, stop texting my girlfriend. Do you want some problems?

"Hey dumbass, stop texting my girlfriend. Do you want some problems?"

"What if I do?"

"Ok, take note: If a train is traveling at 72 km/h on a road of 360 km, how much time will it take to arrive?"

"Damn you, man. I'll live her alone, just calm down."

"That's better, assho...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me: Hey baby, you want some great sex...... Her - No.

Me : You came to the right guy.

You want some dating advice? Here you go.

A man wanted to find a woman and asked the computer to find him the perfect match: "I want someone who is small and cute, loves the water sports and enjoys group activities."

Back came the answer: "Marry a penguin."

Three friends are in a hotel room in Soviet Russia.

The first two men open a bottle of vodka, while the third is tired and goes straight to bed. He is unable to sleep however, as his increasingly drunk friends tell political jokes loudly.

After a while, the tired man gets frustrated and walks downstairs for a smoke. He stops in the lounge and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher walks up to the blackboard and writes DEFINITELY

She turns to the class and says, "Today we'll be looking at the word 'definitely'. Definitely is when something is assured and there is no chance of doubt. Now, I want some volunteers to use definitely in a statement."

Little Suzy raises her hand and says, "I am definitely going to the park a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God decides it’s finally time to send Jesus back to Earth.

*poof* All of a sudden, Jesus finds himself on the side of a road in the middle of rural America. He sticks out his thumb for a ride and before long a man in a truck stops to give him a lift.
Not revealing his true identity, Jesus thanks the man for stopping.

Jesus: Wow thank you sir, so ...

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