UPJOKE

Wanna Know Jokes

Ben Shapiro dies in a plane crash. Wanna know why it crashes?

LEFT WING DESTROYED

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wanna know how I quit smoking?

I decided to smoke only after sex.

At the risk of sounding like a Karen, I just wanna know why...

...do birds suddenly appear, every time, you are near.

Wanna know what's ironic?

A blind racist

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

wanna know what happens when you give a politician viagra?

He gets taller

Wanna know why so many of Chuck Norris' feats are unrecorded?

That's because he outran the cameraman

Wanna know my favorite leg day exercise?

Skipping.

Wanna know the price of an item someone has?

Break it.

Do you wanna know what makes me smile?

Face muscles

Wanna know a secret on how to make a woman go mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm all night?

duct tape.

Wanna know what my favourite white wine is?

The immigrants are taking all our jobs....!!!

You wanna know how lazy I am?

Ahh, never mind.

Wanna know how Canada got its name?

They just picked letters from a hat.

“C,” eh.

“N,” eh.

“D,” eh.

Wanna know how to fund the Taliban?

Pay your taxes.

You really wanna know?

A cowboy just arrived at a bar, “one whiskey please” he says. The bartender delivers and the cowboy says “and make sure not to go near my horse or else I’ll do what I did last time it was stolen” “what did you do?” asks the bartender “do you really wanna know?” The cowboy asks. After some time the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wanna know what my funny bone is?

My dick i guess because girls laugh whenever they see it :(

Wanna know how I can prove Jesus was white?

The body of Christ is a cracker.

Wanna know where I keep all my dad jokes?

In a dad-a-base

You wanna know how I know that good hookers aren't worth the money?

Because I always overcharge clients.

Wanna know how I escaped Iraq?

Iran

Wanna know where the word "politics" come from?

Poly which is Greek for many, and tics, English for pesky parasites

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wanna know the difference between life and dicks?

Life is always hard.

Wanna know how we knew communism was doomed from the start?

Because of all the red flags.

Wanna know why jogging is evil?

"The wicked flee though no one pursues, but the righteous stand as bold as a lion."

Proverbs 28:1

Wanna know the best thing about a covid joke?

Everybody gets it.

Wanna know something about whiteboards?

They're remarkable.

Ya' wanna know what a Australian kiss is?

It's like a French kiss, but down undah.

wanna know how i got fired from my job at the bank

an old lady asked me to help check her balance. So I pushed her over.

You wanna know what really sucks?

Vaccuums

Wanna know how to make Texans really mad?

Cut Alaska in half, so Texas becomes the *third* largest state.

Do you guys wanna know what success looks like?

6s

Wanna know what's great about orphan jokes?

They never hit too close to home.

Wanna know my favorite thing about doing meth??

Only two more sleeps till christmas

wanna know how rich garbage men are?

filthy

Wanna know what is scarier than a horror game

said horror game’s fanbase.

Wanna know the weird thing about dead babies?

They’re still born

Wanna know why they call me Christmas?

Cause Christmas came early this year.

Everyone asks "what's up", but do you wanna know what's down?

The bodies of unvaccinated children

Wanna know what? There's two things about you that I don't like.

And it's your face.

Wanna know something about eating clocks?

It's rather... time consuming.

You wanna know why a cat can jump so high?

because they have good PAW-sture

You wanna know what’s not illegal in California?

Wildfires.

You wanna know what gives me uncontrollable gas?

A brick on the accelerator.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wanna know what happened to the guy who died from a Viagra overdose?

They couldn't close his casket.

Wanna know what's really corny?

A field of corn.

Wanna know the difference between COVID-19 and my Posts

One actually leaves New

Wanna know why Alabama is so weird and twisted?

Because it's in their incestors blood.

You wanna know what part of barry bee benson is always sore?

It's the bees knees

You wanna know why we say "Break a leg" to actors?

Because every show has a cast.

Me: You wanna know how I got these scars??

Batman: no, not really...

Me: *slamming my fist on the table* ACNE !

I was fired from the calendar factory, wanna know why?

I took a day off.

wanna know why a day is 24 hours long?

because scientists got tired watching the earth spin for 24 hours so they called it a day

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wanna know what granny pussy taste like?

Depends.

You wanna know why my bank has a drive-through window?

So that the real owners of the car can check up on it.

You wanna know the most HUMOROUS person I know?

My Chiropractor, he really cracks me up

Wanna know how to stop radicals?

You square them!

Wanna know what would be a great game for people with dementia?

Memory.

You wanna know why I got kicked out of the library?

I moved all of the women's rights books to the fiction section.

Wanna know what you never ask a Scotsman?

Who wears the pants in the family?

Wanna know how easy it is to sleep with a fat chick?

Piece of cake

Wanna know how many good religious puns there are?

Nun.

Wanna know how to pick up that girl you like?

Hit the gym for a few weeks, then lift with your legs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You wanna know why I've been carrying mirrors everywhere lately?

My therapist says I need more time for reflecting.

You wanna know what's a real pain in the ass?

Hemorrhoids.

Wanna know the difference between Bo Dietl and Bo Bice?

About three hundred pounds and a pile of African American bodies.

Wanna know why those baboons are always drinking in the park?

It’s the only place with monkey bars.

Wanna know what's the most racist game ever?

Chess. They never EVER let Black go first.

You wanna know the best food to eat when sad?

Cheerios

I make women wet all the time.You wanna know my secret?

Be a useless plumber like me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joke meant to be told to someone you wanna make love to... 10% success rate.

A curious rabbit escaped from the zoo and into wilderness... It went HOP HOP HOP until it spotted a cow.

Rabbit: What are you?
Cow: Do you really wanna know?
Rabbit: Yes!
Cow: Let's have sex first.
--love making--
Cow: I'm a cow.

So it went HOP HOP HOP again until it spo...

You wanna know the last thing my grandpa said before he kicked the bucket?

“Let’s see how far I can kick this bucket.”

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.