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Walked Into A Bar Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pirate walked into a bar.

He had a wooden leg, an eye patch and a hook for a hand. The bartender was curious. "How did you get that wooden leg?" he asked.

The pirate took a swig of ale. "'Twas a terrible sea battle. I stood bravely, directly facing 12 cannons.All they managed to hit was my leg."

The bartender s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walked into a bar with a monkey

A guy walked into a bar with a monkey.

The monkey grabbed some olives off the bar and ate them.

Then he grabbed some sliced limes and ate them.
He then jumped onto the pool table and grabbed one of the balls.

To everyone’s amazement, he stuck it in his mouth and somehow swall...

A man walked into a bar

And stayed there my entire childhood.

Yesterday, I changed a light bulb, crossed the street, and walked into a bar.

My life is a joke.

Jim walked into a bar....

Jim, walked into a bar and aggressively shouted his order to the bartender

”Please give me a plate of chicken wings and then give everyone half a kilo steak and mutton, cause when I eat,
I want everyone to eat!”

The bartender complies, by giving Jim a plate of chicken wings and eve...

A pirate walked into a bar.

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said : 'Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.'
'What do you mean?' said the pirate, 'I feel fine.'

Bartender: 'What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.'
Pirate: 'Well, we were in a battle and I g...

A sperm donor, a carpenter and Julius Caesar Walked into a bar.

He came, he saw, he conquered.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A racist, a womanizer, and a rapist walked into a bar...

...the bartender says "how may I help you, Mr. President?"

A man walks into a bar and asks for the bill

The bartender looks confused and tells the man he didn't order anything.

The man says I know, but I own the zoo down the street. I heard about the time a grizzly bear, elephant, monkey, tiger, alligator,... walked into a bar. I'm here to pay for the damages.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walked into a bar and bet the bartender he could amaze him

The bartender says “I’ll take that bet!” and slaps down $20

The man reached into his pocket and pulls out a really small chef. This little chef starts cooking some food.

The bartender says “Wow! He’s got to be less than a foot tall! I am amazed” and gives the man his 20

The bart...

A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar.....

The bartender says " Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here".

A man walked into a bar with a newt on his shoulder...

The bartender remarked at the newt. "What's the newt's name?" he asked. "Tiny," replied the man.

"Why would you name the newt tiny?"
The man replied "Because he's *my newt.*"

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