An engineer and an anti-vaxxer walk up to a bridge
Seeing as the bridge is the only crossing over a notoriously crocodile-infested river, the two prepare to cross. Just before they set foot on the bridge the anti-vaxxer halts the engineer.
\- How safe is it to cross this bridge exactly? - he asks
\- 99.97% - the engineer replies confid...
3 dinosaurs walk up to a shiny lamp
One of them rubs it, and a mystical blue genie flies out of it!
"Hello! I am genie! Since there are 3 of you, you each get 1 wish!
"I wish for a large piece of meat!" The first dinosaur said.
And so a large slab of meat materialized before his eyes and plopped down in front of h...
A son and daughter walk up to their father.
Son: Dad which one of us do you love more? Father: My love for you is like communism. Daughter: So equally? Father: No, it collapsed 30 years ago.
I used to walk up to the counter and the bartender would know my by name
Now it’s my pharmacist.
A couple are having dinner at a nice restaurant. A lovely young woman walks up to the table, kisses the man on the cheek, and says, "See you later, sweetie" before walking away. The wife is livid.
"Who the hell was that, and what did she mean about seeing you later?"
"That's just my mistress, Laura."
"You have a mistress, and she has the nerve to walk up to us in public? This is unforgivable. I want a divorce."
"Honey, she means nothing to me. Just a bit of harmless fun. ...
3 little girls walk up to their father
The first little girl asks, "Daddy, why is my name Rose?" and the dad says, "because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head, so we decided to call you rose." The second little girl asks, "Daddy, why is my name Lily?" and the dad says, "because when you were born, a lily petal ...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Three men walk up to the pearly gates of heaven
Three men walk up to the pearly gates of heaven, St. peter is there to greet them. He tells the three men that heaven is a bit crowded at the moment and he can only let one of them go through right now. To be fair he tells the guys that “whoever has died the most unusual death can go ahead but the o...
If you walk up to a house…
If you walk up to a house and see a sign saying “free corpses,” that’s a dead giveaway
3 pieces of string walk up to a bar
3 pieces of string walk up to a bar. The first piece of string says I am going to get a drink. He walks up to the bartender and says " Bartender give me a drink!" The bartender replies, "Are you a piece of string?" and the string replies, "Yes I am!" The bartender says "Get outta here, we don't ser...
Stephen Sondheim, John Madden, and Betty White walk up to the Pearly Gates
And St. Peter says, "We're pretty full, so we're making people pass additional tests. I know this is going to sound weird, but God has been hanging out with Chuck Yeager this week, and he's only letting in people who have a connection to Jets." All three sets of eyes light up.
Sondheim step...
There is a girl walking up the stairs in a church one day. As the priest is walking by, he looks up and notices that this girl is not wearing any panties.
He then calls the girl and gives her $50 and says "Little girl, take this money and buy yourself some panties as it is not good to walk around without any panties on."
The girl then goes home and gives the money to her mother and asks her mother to buy panties for her. When the mother asks w...
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