UPJOKE
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Wait for it

So there's a farm. On this farm, there's a cow, a chicken, and a horse, and the three of them are best friends.

They do just about everything together. And one day, they're sitting at the window of the house, and the farmer's kid is watching MTV, and they're watching it, and they hear the mus...

When I was learning to drive in the winter, my Dad told me, "If you're ever lost in the snow, wait for a plow truck, then follow it."

One cold, snowy Minnesota night, I got lost on the way home. The snow was blowing so fast and piling up so high, I couldn't see any street signs. With no map in my car and a dead cell phone, I thought I might be stranded so I pulled over to the side of the road.

Then breaking through the flu...

Wait for itā€¦.

An unskilled gymnast walks into a bar.

Typical, isn't it? You wait for ages for a decent bukkake scene ....

Then three come at once.

Wait for itā€¦

ā€œSpread me apart, lick me with your tongue, grab my sides, and eat my cream.ā€ - The Oreo

If you miss the alarm for 4:20, wait for 4:22...

Because 4:22 is 4:20 too.

If you think Thursdays are depressed, wait for two more days....

It will be a sadder day.

Absolutely cannot wait for Brexit.

We make nothing in Britain these days;just noticed on the back of my TV it says ā€˜Built in Antennaā€™- this is a country Iā€™ve never even heard of.

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3 death sentenced prisoners wait for the electric chair

3 prisoners are waiting for their eminent death on their execution day. One Black Man, one White Man, and One Moron. The warden walks up and gets everything set up.

He calls the Black Man forward, "John Jones, sentenced for Murder in the first degree. Any last words?"

"I to this day c...

I always wait for my Dad jokes to mature.

That way theyā€™re full groan.

Everyone in 2020: this is the worst year ever, I canā€™t wait for 2021

January 2021: U.S. Capitol building attacked, Hank Aaron dead, Larry King dead

I can't wait for Tuesday, February 22, 2022 (2/22/22). .

We can call it... 2's day

Wait for it...

Did you hear about the dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac?

He lays awake at night and wonders if there really is a dog

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At the airport for a business trip, I settled down to wait for the boarding announcement at Gate 35.

Then I heard the voice on the public address system saying, "We apologize for the inconvenience, but Delta Flight 570 will board from Gate 41."
So my family picked up our luggage and carried it over to Gate 41. Not ten minutes later the public address voice told us that Flight 570 would in fact b...

I can't wait for the official jokes tournament this year.

It's going to be pun on a bun!

If you thought 2020 was bad, wait for the sequel...

Twenty twenty-two

I can't wait for the release of the Tetris movie

It's a blockbuster in the making

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One night at a local bar frequented by a bunch of deer hunters who were waiting for the opening day of deer seasonā€¦..

the local sheriff scoped out the joint for possible drunk drivers.
As he waited, eventually a patron stumbled out of the bar, fumbled for his keys, tried them in three different cars until he finally found his, got inside and rested his head on the steering wheel. The deputy knew he had his drunk...

Karen: Wait for me honey, Iā€™m just finishing my make-up.

Tucker: You donā€™t need make-up, Karen.

Karen: Oh, Tuckerā€¦. really? That is so sweet of you!

Tucker: You need plastic surgery.

I canā€™t wait for this year to be over

Then I can say ā€œhindsightā€™s 2020ā€.

I canā€™t wait for New Yearā€™s Day

So we can read all the ā€œhindsight is 2020ā€ jokes.

I cannot wait for my date tonight.

Dates really are the best part of ramadan

Waiting for a haircut

A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours." The guy left. A few days later, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber...

How many American conservatives do you need to screw in a lightbulb?

Ten.

One holds the bulb, the other nine wait for Fox News to spin it.

Wait for few months till we reach 2020

Then we can hear '10's playlist' on Spotify

An old man was walking on a park adjoining the cliff famous for suicide and saw a young woman standing at the edge contemplating suicide

He approached her.

She: "Dont come near me!!"

Old man :" Since you are anyway going to die,why cant you make this old man happy with a quickie?"

She shrieked "Over my dead body,you filthy pervert"

Old man "Ok,if thats the case, I will walk down and wait for you at the bot...

I can't wait for the 14th

It will be the 68th anniversary of the Bank of England opening

Sorry wait for 9 months

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife stayed at home. He wanted her to see what he went through each day, so he prayed :-

"Dear Lord, I go to work every day and put in 8 hours of hard work, while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, ...

As a butcher is shooing away a dog from his shop, he sees a $25 bill and a note in his mouth that reads: "10 pork chops, please."

Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of 10 pork chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop.

He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the bus schedule and sits on the bench when a bus arrives...

What's the best place to wait for some kool-aid?

The punchline.

A transplant patient of mine asked how long heā€™ll have to wait for surgery

I donā€™t have the heart to tell him.

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and a homely brunette are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps.

Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek.

The brunette thinks "I bet that di...

Loved the Korean zombie movie "Train to Busan" and can't wait for it's sequel to come out?

Then catch a train to Wuhan.

I'm from Northern Ireland, and my life is LEGEN ... wait for it ...

DARY/LONDONDARY.

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