Virtu Jokes

One night, they were all going out on dates with their respective beaus. There came a knock at the door, and he answered.

“Hi!” said the young man standing there. “My name’s Joe. I’m here to pick up Flo. we’re going to the show. Is she ready to go?” “Yes, I’ll go and get her” said the farmer.... read more

Doesn't matter, I have faith that it is.

If you’re dumb and don’t mind waiting around.

Hippias: A punch line is at the end of a joke.

Socrates: Is it a punch line simply by virtue of being at the end of the said joke?

Hippias: No, it must be an unexpected statement.

Socrates: Ah, but if you know that the punch line is about to arrive, how can it be unexpected?
... read more

...they settled into their seats and when they had loosened up after a few drinks they decided to extol the virtues of their homelands.

"American industry is so superb," said the American. "A sports team can decide to move to a different city, and within a year and a half we can build a stat... read more

I was with my wife in a taxi in Beijing. It was the last day of our holiday, and she was extolling the virtues of GoogleTranslate.

"It's great," she said, just point the camera at something and it translates the text in place. And she was right - for reading menus or road signs it was a l... read more

Q. Why did George Washington have trouble sleeping?

A. Because he couldn't lie.

Q. What do you call George Washington's false teeth?

A. Presidentures!

Q. What would George Washington be if he were alive today?

A. Really, really, really old!

Abraham Lincoln... read more

...he pulls over. Out of nowhere he hears a booming voice from above: "My son, you have lived a life of virtue, one that I would be proud of, ask me of anything and I will grant it."

Astounded the man thinks for a minute then says: "Well I wish that I could ride my bike to Hawaii. I wish ther... read more

The Ethical Objectivist orders water, the Relativist orders a glass of wine and the Nihilist steals a beer. The Ethical Objectivist is appalled at the Nihilist, and is upset the two are drinking. The Relativist says, “Don’t worry. You aren’t guilty by association.” The Nihilist shrugs and says, “I w... read more

A priest, a bishop, and an altar boy are out fishing on a lake. While they're relaxing and shooting the breeze, the priest accidentally drops his fishing pole into the water.

"No worries," says the priest. "I've got this."

He climbs out of the boat, steps onto the lake surface, and wal... read more

Jesus was wandering around Jerusalem when he decided that he really needed a new robe.

After looking around for a while, he saw a sign for "Finkelstein the Tailor."

So, he went in and made the necessary arrangements to have Finkelstein prepare a new robe for him. A few days later, wh... read more

A young game developer is killed before his time, and stands before Saint Peter.
"Because you died so young, we cannot properly judge you on your sins and virtues. Therefore, you will be allowed to choose between going to Heaven or Hell."
Before the developer can express his dismay, St. Peter ... read more

A man dies and goes to see Saint Peter knocks on the pearly gates. Saint Peter greets the man and goes through his papers. “Huh, he says, that’s interesting. It turns out that you have had just as many virtues as vices in your life, so I guess I will leave it up to you, whether you want to go to hea... read more

A group of missionaries are traveling through rural Africa spreading the good news.One day, they find themselves in a town, and before long quite a crowd has gathered.

After preaching the virtues of Christianity for a while, they decide to demonstrate the amazing powers of the lord. "if anyon... read more

So... Nate the Snake was the king of the jungle, by virtue of his
immense size. Nate was the size of a freight train, and had a similar outlook on life. He ruled largely through terror and intimidation.


One day Nate the Snake was rumbling through the jungle, as was his own. Whenev... read more