UPJOKE

Very Funny Jokes

My friend finds shock humor very funny

At least I think so. Because he laughs every time I taze him

Very Funny Joke

Two tomato were passing the road. One got splattered by a car. COME ON KETCHUP the other one said.

When the day is very sunny, And you’re out with your honey, And your nose is very runny, And you think it’s very funny,

Well, it’s snot.

All jokes, with the right delivery, can be very funny.

Except for abortion jokes, becuase there is no delivery!

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I don't think dick jokes are very funny

Maybe I should try harder

With all that's going on, I don't feel very funny lately.

Fortunately my looks make up for that. UNfortunately you can't see me.

Some say that puns aren't very funny, while others take them very seriously...

I guess the one thing we can all agree on is that puns are no joke.

How many Germans do you need to change a light bulb?

One. Because we are efficient and not very funny.

Not a joke, but a very funny story

I will never forget this story my percussion teacher, who is from the UK, told us in band class back in 2003.

In America, everyone knows when we say rubbers, we mean condoms. Well apparently, the British refer to erasers as rubbers, for good reason because erasers are indeed rubbery. But that...

What is not very funny, self referencing and paradoxical?

This.

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Rich & Poor Very Funny.

A rich man and a poor man are both buying anniversary gifts for their girlfriends. "What are you getting your girlfriend?" asks the poor man. And the rich man says "I'm getting her a diamond ring and a Marcedes." "Why both?" asks the poor man. And the rich man says "That way if she doesn't like the ...

My dad recently told me a joke that was based on Ancient Roman Numerals.

I for one thought it very funny.

As an FBI agent, my friends don’t find my jokes very funny.

[Redacted]

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A Very Funny beautiful girl was a college student.

Once Very Funny Girl comes late to class.

Teacher: Why are you late?

Very Funny Girl : One boy was following me, sir.

Teacher: So, What?

Very Funny Girl : That boy was walking very slow.

There's a depressed king back in the 14th century

And nothing could cheer him up. Eventually the royal advisor hired a new fool to entertain the king. The clown was very funny, and most of the court laughed, but the king merely sighed, and then turned towards his advisor.

"I don't think this worked Henry, but I appreciate the jester."

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A man asks his wife why did she get married to him

"Because you're very funny."

"I thought it was because I'm good in bed."

"You see? You're hilarious!"

What do you call a very funny mountain?

Hill-arious!!

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Ten solders

Ten soldiers are camping in a forest, when two thieves try to steal from them and are caught. The soldiers tell them, "We have to kill you now but since we are in a good mood we'll let you go provided you can make us all laugh". The thieves agree and the first one begins telling a very funny story. ...

When I make a pizza for a bar customer I always ask them if I should cut it into six pieces or eight

Because some people aren't hungry enough to eat eight pieces. That joke isn't very funny. I guess pizza jokes are all about the delivery.

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This is very funny, but it’s more of a visual joke than one for here. But it always gets a laugh when you perform it right.

A police detective is called to the scene of a fatal car crash. Inside are two people- a man and a woman... and curiously enough, a little monkey who survived unscathed. The detective is trying to piece together what happened and muses out loud to the monkey- “Boy, I sure wish you could tell me what...

Where do you go if you want to find a very funny joke?

Apparently, not here

My mother died a few years ago. I recently came across her death certificate and had a brilliant idea!

"I know how we can bring mom back!" I exclaimed. "Get me a Sharpie!"

My sister, looked at me confused, "Why?"

I pointed to the border of the certificate, "It says 'void if altered'!"



(This actually happened and my sister didn't find it very funny. But we each deal with g...

After how few of you have upvoted my jokes, I think I figured out the problem.

I'm not very funny.

Crossword

Joseph is doing a crossword at the table while his son is having breakfast.

Joseph: What is a five letter word for 'wine'?

Son: Water.

Joseph: Very funny Jesus.

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Who is the Boss ?

In an official delegates meeting of a so and so company Boss of that company decided to fire mrs.X in the upcoming 25th anniversary that is after 2 days.

So at the day of an anniversary. Somehow from the inside information got leaked and Mrs.X came to know about that at the beginning of the a...

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Szechuan STD

Guy goes to the doctor and says "Doc, I've been having a bit of trouble urinating and it's getting sore, more sore every day."

Doctor told him to undress and lie on the bench. So he did, and the doctor came back, examined him and shook his head. "You been to China recently?"

"Well, y...

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