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There was this small church down in Texas that had a very big-busted organist.

Her breasts were so huge that they bounced and jiggled while she played the organ. Unfortunately, she distracted the congregation considerably.
The very proper church ladies were appalled. They said something had to be done about this or they would have to get another organist.
So, one of the ...

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Disney makes female hips very big, anime makes female boobs very big

And america makes female waists very big

I'm a very big Oasis fan, specifically Wonderwall. I sing it all the time. My girlfriend hates it though, so she asked me to stop singing it.

I said maybe.

Three dead bodies turn up at the mortuary, all with very big smiles on their faces.

The coroner calls the police to tell them what has happened.

"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his very young mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector," says the Coroner.

"Second body: "Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent ...

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How many porn stars does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Just two, but the lightbulb has to be very big.

What is very big, gray, and just doesn't matter?

An irrelephant.

I was at the bar the other night ...

... and overheard three very big ol’ fat women talking at the bar. They all spoke with a heavy brogue accent.

I made an unfortunate assumption that their accents appeared to be Scottish… so I approached and asked, “Hello, are you three lassies from Scotland?”

One of them angrily screec...

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A Little girl was digging a hole in her back yard.

When her neighbour said, hello Daisy what you digging a hole for?

Daisy replied I am burying my goldfish, neighbour said that is a very big hole for a goldfish why so big? Daisy replied.

Because it's inside your fucking cat.

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How about a little head?

A guy goes into this bar, sits down and orders a drink. While waiting, he sees a guy sitting at the bar who has a very big muscular body but a little tiny head. So, he asks the guy, "How is it that you have such a huge body and a small head?"

The guy replied, "I was walking along the beach o...

The genie of the lamp

Two neighbours, one is rich and the other is poor.

The poor have a magic lamp : Every morning,he wipes the lamp and a genie comes out and say : "Ask what you want" ,and the poor asks for a cup of tea.

The rich neighbour,envious of the magic lamp,said to the poor : i'll give you my car ...

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A politician, drug dealer, beekeeper, priest, doctor, lawyer, accountant, engineer, prostitute, programmer, nurse, chef, forensic analyst, biologist, truck driver and a writer walk into a bar

It is a big bar. Very big one. And empty, or at least it was empty until this large group of people entered it.

They all form a queue in front of the bar and order drinks one by one. The politician gets a Heineken, the drug dealer orders a Budweiser, the beekeeper gets a mead, the priest buy...

Just the head

A family living in an old village have a son that is a bit slow. He failed high school three times. The husband says to his wife: "if Ahmed passes this time, we are sacrificing a sheep and giving it's head to the Imam".
The woman doesn't think anything of it, he did pass the past three times, why...

I saw a boy eating the grass between the cracks in the curb

I went up to him and said "don't eat the grass, it's bad for you"

He looked at me and said "I haven't had any food for the last 3 days. This is all I can find"

I told him to get up and to come over to my place to get him a better meal

He stopped and said "well, my sister, she ha...

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There was a cricketer who had a weird bulge growing under his two testicles.

There was a cricketer who had a weird bulge growing under his two testicles.

He thought it was just a bug bite but he doubted it. After about 25 days, the bulge became very big. So he went for a doctor's appointment.

The doctor did the scans necessary and found out that he was growing ...

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The Magic Wand.

A man and a woman lived in the outskirts of a city. The man was a famous magician who would often go on tours to various cities. This time the tour was longer than usual.

The man and his wife had a very strange but a meaningful relationship. Being very paranoid, the man made his wife promise...

So dad said he went on a business retreat with the guys for the weekend .

Well I decided to call him and a lady picked-up so I told mum about bit. Boy was she upset!
When Dad returned they got into a very big fight as dad denied ever meeting another woman all weekend. Finally mum told me," tell this cheat what the lady said when you called his line!"
I turned t...

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A guy was recruited for the first settlement on another planet....

The Settlement Chief met him on the landing site.

"This place is going to take some getting used to. It's like a mirror version of Earth. The elements which are rare on Earth are the most abundant here while the common elements are extremely rare."

"So why are we here then," the guy a...

A husband and wife are having a big fight...

Husband: I am fed up now! I can't tolerate you anymore!

Wife: ok then... Just push me in a well so I can die!

Husband: ok google! Find wells near me..

Wife(cring loudly): seriously?!!

Husband (realising): oh no! What was I thinking! I was making a very big mistake!
...

The reason Trump didn't declare a national emergency last week...

...is because he was spending his time learning two very big words.

A married man dies and goes to heaven

When he arrives at the pearly gates, he's greeted by Saint Peter who explains the rules. "Heaven is a very big place so everyone who enters is assigned a vehicle", he says. "The status of your vehicle corresponds with how faithful you were in your marriage." Since our hero only cheated on his wife o...

A zoo has the most amazing gorilla specimen, but no mate for her...

They cannot find someone to satisfy this amazing female gorilla but cannot find any gorillas strong enough to withstand her.

Eventually they realize the janitor, Hank, is a very big, strong and hairy man. The zoo owner approaches him and says:
“Hey Hank, you know Lucy the gorilla? Woul...

There was once a tailor in London renowned for his expertise and craftsmanship.

One day, a very rich, very round man entered his store carrying a heavy bag. The man immediately approached the counter and, much to the surprise of the tailor, dumped out the contents of the bag, which turned out to be a pile of expensive Rolex watches.

“Good sir, I would like to have a suit...

Police are currently on the search for a man who steals the ends of jokes.

He is described as being a tall, blond man with a very big

I'm always shocked when people call me condescending.

Because that's a very big word.

This takes place in a society where everybody is born really weak.

The more wealth you have, either through actual money or possessions, the more you would reach your maximum Power Percentage or for short, PP. Most people had around a 50% power percentage, parents would give some of their belongings to their kids at birth so they would be strong enough to walk, but...

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An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman...

An Englishman, Scotsman, and Irishman are trekking through the jungle together. They’re hacking down trees, killing leopards, and generally doing manly things.

All of a sudden, they are confronted by a group of natives, who grab the trio and drag them to their little village and tie them to s...

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Once there lived a man with a ball pain.

The man often had pain on his balls. So he decided to pay a very big fee and get a surgery done. But due to this, his balls were removed. He was quite depressed by this fact and so, he decided to start a new life! "Let's start this new life by shopping some new clothes" he thought to himself. So he ...

A 17-year-old boy who works part time at Pizza Hut drives up to park in front of his house in a beautiful Porche

Naturally, his parents know that there’s no way he earned enough with his after-school job to buy such a car.
“Where did you get that car?” his mom and dad screamed in shock.

“I bought it today,” replied the teen calmly.

“With what money young man?” his mom demands. “We know how mu...

Totos is wondering why he failed the test since he answered all questions correct:

1. In which battle did Leonidas die?

\- His last one.



2. Where did the Declaration of Independence was signed?

\- At the bottom of the page.



3. If you throw a stone in the lake, what will happen?

\- It will get wet.



4. How can some...

Does your dog bite

A man walking down the streets sees another man with a very big dog. One man says to the other, "Does your dog bite", the man replies "No my dog doesn't" The man pats the dog and has his hand bitten off, "I thought you said your dog didn't bite" said the injured man. "Thats not my dog", replied the ...

My fat friend admitted that I was less in need of a diet than him.

I said "that's very big of you."

The guest of honor at an awards dinner is about to give his speech when a stagehand gives him a piece of paper from his wife in the crowd.

“What does it say?” the stagehand asks.



“Oh, it just says KISS in very big letters.”



“Wow, that’s very sweet,” the stagehand replies. “She must love you and be very proud of you.”



“Not really,” the man says. “It stands for Keep It Short, Stupid.”

A Russian Joke

One day in second grade class, Vovochka received another bad grade. He says to his teacher: "Marivanna, one day I will become a very big and very important person, and you will feel bad for failing me."

The teacher replies, "Putin, stop clowning around and sit down."

The worst day ever.

A scrawny man enters a bar, and takes a seat at the counter. He orders a drink, but doesn't touch it. About twenty minutes go by and the man still hasn't touched his drink. Next to him was a hefty trucker, who having noticed this thought it would be funny to down the other's man drink. He does this,...

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